


6 Weeks

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-03
Updated: 2005-04-27
Packaged: 2018-12-27 02:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 48,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin meet in Rehab. Can they help each other overcome their addictions?  This story is a collaboration with Meredeth.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Many thanks to my writing partner Meredeth, who came up with the idea and is co-writing it with me.

* * *

One year, it’s been one year since Justin woke up to find his whole world had changed. One year since he could remember really being happy and looking forward to a new day. One year since his day didn’t start out with a couple of vicodin and a chaser of vodka or Jim Beam. His life as Justin commonly referred to as BB, “Before Bashing” was nothing like his existence today. A homophobic jock had changed everything and Justin had given up long ago any thoughts of getting it back. 

One year ago, almost to the day, Justin had been naïve enough to believe that taking his boyfriend, Jeff to his senior prom was a good idea. They had been dating for a couple of months and although it was far from perfect, Jeff had been the first man he had ever trusted with his feelings. It wasn’t love but it felt good. Prom night had been magical and Justin began to believe it could turn into something more. Of course that didn’t happen. Prom night ended with a baseball bat to the head, 2 weeks in a coma, months of rehab, and Jeff leaving town.

At first Justin had tried to regain his life and focus on his art, but the pain was difficult to work through. His doctor had prescribed Vicodin, which at first was like a miracle drug. It eased the pain enough to uncurl his fingers and allow at least short spans of undisturbed sketching. But it never seemed to last as long as he wanted so he began to take more. It wasn’t long before he was forging his own prescriptions and popping them like candy.

The Vicodin wasn’t enough to cope with the outside world though. The slightest touch of another person caused Justin to cower and the last thing he wanted was to be weak anymore. That’s when Justin discovered liquid courage in the form of vodka, tequila, Jim Beam, and rum. With a little assistance from his new friends, Justin could walk down Liberty Ave without a care in the world. He was addicted to the numbing qualities of his new regiment and nothing else seemed to matter. Never one for casual sex, Justin began tricking at his highest moments. He could hardly stand-up right so sexual encounters mostly consisted of blowjobs in the backroom. Confronted with a line up, Justin would never be able to point out a single man who had serviced him over the past year. It was amazing he even made it home at the end of the night.

The combination of the drugs, alcohol, and after effects of the bashing had left Justin a bitter emotionally unstable young man who was out of control. Jennifer could only watch on the sidelines as her son fell deeper and deeper into depression. She had tried to intervene on several occasions but a single word would only send him into another rage. The rages had become so frequent that Jennifer had begun to avoid all contact with Justin. As much as she wanted to send him to a psychiatrist, she also feared how Justin would react. He had become that unpredictable.

Jennifer had been downstairs making dinner when she heard the thud from upstairs. She ignored the sound, since it had become such a frequent occurrence in the last year. As she wiped her hands on a dishcloth, a loud high-pitched scream echoed throughout the house.

“Oh my God, Molly!” Jennifer gasped and ran up the stairs at full speed. The moment she whipped the door open everything seemed to occur in slow motion. Molly was lying on the floor, one arm held close to her chest and the other wedged in-between the broken legs of Justin’s easel, cuts and scratches covering them both. Her tear-filled eyes were focused on the opposite side of the room, where Justin was hunched over himself on the floor. He was rocking back and forth, alternating between shouts of rage and mumbles of confusion.

“No, no, no, just stay away. Everyone just stay the fuck away! No Molly, not Molly. Stop trying to hold me, please stop. I can’t take it. I can’t.”

Jennifer made a move toward Molly but she bravely shook her head and motioned in Justin’s direction. Jennifer noticed his fingers were curled around a half empty bottle of vodka. She cautiously approached him, taking note of the empty pill bottles and glass littered on the floor. There were cuts on Justin’s hands from the broken glass that he was oblivious to. As he pushed his hair back from his forehead, red smudges were left on his face. Her little boy wasn’t even recognizable.

“Justin, what have you done?” Jennifer whispered. As if waking from a nightmare, Justin’s head jerked up in his mom’s direction.

“What?” he asked confused. Jennifer continued to look him in the eyes as she spoke.

“What have you done? Look at yourself. Look at your sister. Where the hell did all of these pill bottles come from? Your prescription expired ages ago. I don’t even know you anymore and this has got to stop. Do you hear me? It’s bad enough what you’re doing to yourself but how could you bring Molly into this? Answer me.”

Justin’s eyes were wild as they flitted across the room, taking in the destruction and finally the face of his sister. Her sad eyes watched him with concern but no malice. Pain radiated from her body, both physical and emotional. She was so innocent and had been blindsided by his rage when she entered the room to borrow a CD. The way she was holding her arm, it was most likely broken. The volleyball game she had been excited to participate in, now out of the question. Justin turned his gaze back to his mother who suddenly looked so old and tired.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. I just need to take a pill and it’ll be OK.”

Justin nodded his head and reached for one of the bottles on the floor. Just as his fingers came in contact with the plastic, it was kicked out of reach.

“No more Justin. That’s it. No more pills, no more booze, no more coming home smelling like a prostitute. I’ve been more than patient for the last year but you crossed a line today and I can’t let that happen again. So you’ve got a decision to make and you better come up with the right answer. Either you get your act together and go to rehab or I’m calling the police.”

“What?” Justin asked startled, trying to stand up without wobbling.

“I’ll charge you with aggravated assault. I can’t have you living under this roof anymore if there is a chance you could hurt Molly again. It’s for your own good, as well as hers. Either way you won’t be getting your hands on any more pills or alcohol. You decide if you’d rather detox in a cushy bed with windows or a jail cell. I’ll give you a little time to consider your options. Right now I have to take your sister to the hospital. Don’t bother running away because I will not hesitate to issue a warrant out for your arrest. You got me?”

Justin nodded his head solemnly and watched as his mother helped Molly to her feet. Together they exited the room, leaving Justin to contemplate how he had gotten to this point where his own mother was ready to give up on him. Just the word rehab made him sick to his stomach but a slight blond twink in jail was not an alternative he found appealing. 

 

Brian took a deep breath before entering the large room. It was his first time attending the group session even though he had been at the Pleasant Valley Rehabilitation Center for almost a week. Group therapy was definitely not his thing, but his counselor warned him that it was a necessary part of his recovery and he was willing to do almost anything to get back to his old life. It had taken days of vomiting, shaking, and feeling like absolute shit before he realized how serious his problems were. While he had lain in bed wishing he would die, he thought about his life and how just about everyone had turned his or her back on him. He finally admitted that he could probably use a change. In fact, if he stopped spending so much money of drugs, he could spend more of his money of his clothes, possibly even buying the new Armani Collection he had his eye on. He was brought out of his thoughts when the counselor called his name.

“Brian, it’s good to see you here. Come in and join us. We’re just about to get started,” Blake said, surprised to see the man standing in the doorway. He must have listened to the lecture he had given him the day before.

Brian quietly sank down in the chair closest to the door and looked around at the others. He couldn’t believe he was sitting in a room full of drug addicts and losers, getting ready to listen to them pour out their hearts.

“Okay, let’s begin. I see a couple of new faces here. As most of you know, my name is Blake and I’m a drug abuse counselor here. I would like to go around the room and have everyone tell us something about themselves. How about we start with you Roy? Is there anything you’d like to share with the others?”

“Well, my name is Roy and I’m addicted to Heroin. This is my second time in Rehab. The first time didn’t seem to work for me. I was only out about three days before I was back to sticking needles into my arms and it was worse than before. I was unstoppable. I took out a second mortgage on my house, lost my job; I even cashed in on my life insurance policy. My wife finally found out what I was up to and told me that if I didn’t get the help I needed, she was leaving me. I checked myself back in, figuring that she would see that I was helping myself and agree to stay. Then something happened. I started to see exactly what it was that everybody else was seeing. I took a good long look at myself and realized that I didn’t even recognize the man I’d become. Right now, my poor wife is working two jobs just to try to save our house. She shouldn’t have to do that. I promised her I would always take care of her and I let her down. It hasn’t been easy, but this time I’m going to do what ever it takes to get better. I have to; not for my wife or my marriage, but for me.” Roy wiped away a stray tear as he finished his little speech.

“Roy, you’ve made remarkable progress since you got here; more than last time. I have no doubt that you have the strength to move past your addiction and become whomever it is you want to be. Be proud of all the steps you have made so far and remember that you’re not alone. We’ve all been there before and we understand,” Blake replied, happy to see all the changes Roy made. He moved on to the next person in the circle. “Kevin, how about you?”

Brian sat there listening to all the others sharing their stories and tried to ignore the similarities to his own life. He didn’t want to be like them. He didn’t want to be that weak person who had no control over his own life. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard someone calling his name.

“Brian? Are you with us?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“It’s your turn. Would you like to share something?”

Brian looked around the room at the others staring at him and fought the urge to get up and leave.

“My name’s Brian…” he paused not sure of what to say next.

“Go on,” Blake encouraged.

“What the fuck do you want me to say?” Brian snapped.

“Whatever is on your mind, Brian? There’s no right or wrong answer here. What’s your drug of choice?”

“Coke, I guess,” Brian answered solemnly.

“And how has that affected your life?”

“Not sure. It feels good, you know, when I’m doing it. It blacks out a lot of the other worthless shit I deal with on a regular basis. The morons at work, my family from hell, the constant blame from my so-called friends. I mean, if anything, they’re the fucking reasons why I need to do more of this shit. Yet when I do, they bitch and moan about me going overboard. It would have never gotten this bad without their interfering. Now, they won’t even let me see my goddamn son, can you believe it?” Brian asked the rest of the group.

“You have no one to blame but yourself!” Roy accused. 

“Excuse me?” Brian questioned.

“We’re all here because we made some shitty decisions that led to some even shittier ones. Did your friends make you go out and buy your pretty white powder? No way, it all rests on your shoulders. It’s your lack of self control that got you here” Roy yelled angrily.

“Actually it was my boss, who caught me fucking a nice piece of ass in the office, that strongly recommended I come here. No rehab, no job. But you don’t know shit about that or anything else about my life!” Brian snapped back, his temper flaring.

“Brian, settle down,” Blake spoke calmly.

“Fuck this! I’m not going to sit here and be told by one more person what a fuck up I am and how I’m always the one to blame. I’m out of here!” Brian called as he stormed out the door.

Blake sighed as he watched Brian’s retreating figure before refocusing on the group.

Brian stormed back to his room, slamming the door behind him.

“What fucking right do they have to sit there and judge me? They know nothing about me,” Brian said to the empty room.

After taking a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down, he went over to the bed and reached underneath the mattress, pulling out the small flask he kept hidden there. Thank God Mikey was still on his side. All it took was a small promise to lay off the hard stuff and little Michael came running to his rescue.

He took a long swig of beam and savored the warm feeling that washed over him. He had to be easy on the amount he drank, since Michael wouldn’t be back to replace his stash until the following week, but he only needed a small amount to calm his nerves. Taking a few more sips, he slid the flask back in its hiding place and grabbed his cigarettes. He needed some fresh air. 

 

Justin was packed and ready to go by the time Jennifer had returned home with Molly. She called over a neighborhood friend to watch over his sister and grabbed his bags before Justin could change his mind.

“Don’t we need to call somewhere or something?” Justin asked timidly, as he followed his mom out the door.

“I already did on the way to the hospital. They’re expecting us,” Jennifer explained.

“How did you know I’d go?”

“Because I know that you don’t want to be this person anymore either. You’re better than this and we both know it. You just have to stick with the program and you’ll be home in no time.”

“I hope so,” Justin muttered and hopped into the passenger seat. He was silent the entire ride to Pleasant Valley Rehab Facility and could feel his mom’s eyes on him, watching him as he stared out the window. He couldn’t imagine what she was thinking. At least Molly was going to be all right, needing only a small plastic cast to heal. His eyes remained glued to the outside world until the car pulled up the long winding road that ended in front of a large white building. From the outside it looked like a resort or some kind of country club, but Justin knew that inside those doors was quite the opposite. 

He was sluggish as he exited the car and grabbed for the bags in the back seat. There were a couple of benches by the front door where a few people milled around talking. Justin’s eyes scanned them quickly with no regard until his gaze fell upon a tall auburn haired man. His hazel eyes bore deeply into Justin’s, stealing the breath from his body. The man was dressed casually in a black tank top and worn jeans, no doubt another patient. Justin had never been this captivated by any man before. Then again, over the past year he had never seen a beautiful man this close in perfect focus. Wherever the attraction stemmed from, it was immediate and frightening.

Brian was relaxing against the front entrance, inhaling his cigarette deeply to calm his nerves, when the newest recruit pulled up. The beautiful young blonde that stepped onto the curb was not your typical addict. He looked like a member of the country club set that had never touched anything harder than a menthol cigarette. Their eyes met and Brian was startled by the intensity of the blues locked on him. There was something so innocent yet troubled about the boy and he couldn’t help wanting to know more. Maybe Pleasant Valley was finally living up to its name. After a week of hell, he could use a little blonde pick me up.

Justin walked by Brian, looking away at the moment they passed one another. He could feel Brian’s eyes burning into the back of his head as he entered the lobby. Justin let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding as soon as the door closed behind him. His moment of relaxation was short lived when he reached the front desk. A stern looking middle-aged woman greeted him and immediately started rattling off the many forms he needed to fill out. Justin grabbed the clipboard thrust in front of him and sat down in a nearby chair to start writing. His mother quickly followed, sitting down in the next chair over.

Brian stayed outside for a little longer, enjoying the cool breeze on his skin and the sweet taste of his cigarette. It was the only thing he had been able to smoke in the last week, a fact that he found quite disturbing. Once he had smoked it down to the butt, Brian put it out in the nearest receptacle and walked back inside. The blonde was still filling out the numerous idiotic forms he remembered so clearly from last Saturday. He noticed the slight shake in the boy’s hand as he wrote, almost like a cramp. The kid’s whole body was tense from top to bottom. Brian figured it would be more enjoyable to stay and watch him then head back to group so he remained in the lobby, leaning against a nearby wall.

Once Justin had dotted the last “I”, he handed all of the paperwork back to the not so friendly woman who immediately launched into “the rules”. There were so many “don’ts” and cant’s” Justin could hardly keep track. He nodded his head at the appropriate intervals and allowed his mind to wander over his new predicament. His hand was already starting to ache and he doubted the nurse would be very accommodating with a supply of Vicodin. He had wanted to pack a few in his bags but had been correct in his assumption that they would be going through his bags first. It had been one of the first rules listed off and possibly the only one he could remember. Justin turned his head a little to take in more of his surroundings and was surprised to see the man from outside, 20 feet away, staring at him. He was leaning nonchalantly against the wall, eyes peeled on Justin. The intensity of his gaze caused Justin’s whole body to coil up. His hand began to shake a little more fiercely and his body heat skyrocketed. He glared at the other man but it didn’t seem to deter him from his perusal of Justin. Finally, Justin couldn’t take it anymore.

“Would you stop it? Just stop looking at me. I mean it. Stop!” Justin yelled angrily. The nurse’s head perked up from her rule sheet at the sudden outburst.

“Justin, what is it? Why are you so agitated,” she asked.

“Him! He’s just looking at me and he won’t stop. What’s wrong with him? I don’t want anyone looking at me. Make him stop!”

The nurse looked over in Brian’s direction and motioned with her head toward the nearby corridor leading to the patient’s rooms. Brian remained frozen in place, startled by Justin’s outburst but also intrigued.

“Brian, move along. Don’t make me tell you twice,” the nurse instructed.

Brian’s eyes met hers. One more glance at the blonde and he headed back to his room. There was definitely a story there that he wanted to know. Brian could still hear the nurse attempting to calm the boy down as he walked down the hall.

Once Brian had disappeared from sight, Justin began to breath a little easier. His mom was lightly stroking his back, which reminded him of his childhood. He gave her a shaky smile and tried again to focus on whatever the nurse was saying.

“Justin, he’s gone now so there’s no more need for you to worry. It was just Brian. He’s another patient, just like you. You’ll notice a lot of them once you settle in. You just have to remember that no one is here to hurt you. We all just want to see you get better and move on with your life.”

Her little speech did nothing to reassure Justin that this was the right place for him. He also doubted that pain was not an option for treatment. They had six weeks to send him on the path to sobriety and a drugless existence. He wouldn’t be surprised if they all got some sort of a commission if he cleaned up within the allotted time span. As the nurse wrapped up her list of guidelines, Justin realized it was time to say good-bye to his mom and join the rest of the addicts. They hugged briefly and then she was gone. He remained in the lobby for a few more minutes taking deep breaths, before turning back to the nurse.

“Well, I guess you better show me my new accommodations. The sooner we start, the sooner I can go home.”

Justin silently followed the nurse, who he finally found out was named Katherine, down the same hall Brian has disappeared in earlier. Most of doors were open, people moving constantly in and out. He peered into one room where a boy paced back and forth ringing his hands. His eyes were glazed over and sweat pooled on his forehead. Justin turned to Katherine and arched his eyebrow in question.

“That’s Casey,” Katherine pointed out, “he arrived 2 days ago and is just starting to feel the effects of withdrawal. He was heavy into an assortment of illegal drugs so we’re keeping a close eye on him.”

Justin nodded his head and abstained from looking into any of the other rooms. He didn’t want to see what else was in store for him. They rounded another corner and stopped at an open door to his left. Justin stood just outside the doorway, waiting for something but not knowing what it was. Katherine motioned into the room and Justin finally complied, catching a glimpse of Brian as he disappeared into a nearby room. Justin was too busy taking in his new surroundings to think about what Brian was up to.

The moment Justin walked in he felt the desire to say, “We’re not in Kansas anymore.” The room was stark white, the only identifiable color being the dark gray bedspreads tucked carefully with hospital corners. There was also an assortment of black t-shirts and silver jewelry strewn across one bed. Justin was jarred from his thoughts by Katherine’s dismissal.

“I’ll leave you here to get acquainted with everything. Your roommate, Malcolm should be back from group shortly. He’s an unusual boy but you should get along fine.”

Justin sat down heavily on his bed, swinging his legs back and forth. His new roommate was obviously into black and religion, at least based on the numerous large silver crosses littered across his bed. Before Justin had a chance to psychoanalyze his new roommate any further, Malcolm himself walked through the door and Justin’s mouth dropped open. Malcolm was tall, with long jet-black hair pulled back in a loose ponytail and looked to be about the same age as Justin. His eyes were covered in smudges of black eyeliner and black nail polish stood out on each hand. He reminded Justin of every vampire movie he had ever seen and wondered if he should be worried about having his blood drained in the middle of the night.

Malcolm barely acknowledged Justin’s presence with a head nod before lying down on his bed. His eyes immediately closed. Confused by his behavior, Justin decided to take the big plunge and introduce himself.

“Hi, you must be Malcolm. I’m Justin, your new roommate. I guess that’s pretty obvious.”

Malcolm’s eyes opened momentarily, finally taking a good look at Justin.

“Obviously,” Malcolm replied, lying back against the pillows.

“So where are you from?”

Malcolm snorted and quickly sat upright, eyes blazing.

“I’m not here to be your friend. I’m here because it’s a mandatory part of my parole so if you don’t mind shutting the fuck up I’d like to get a little sleep before my appointment with the good doctor. Find somebody else to amuse you,” Malcolm snapped and turned on his side to face the opposite direction.

Justin couldn’t believe his horrible luck. He had only been in rehab for a grand total of one hour and had already freaked out in the lobby and pissed off his crazy Goth roommate. The alcohol and pills had worn off by now too. Everything was coming into focus and the fluorescent lights did nothing to calm his raging headache. His senses were on overload and he couldn’t remember the last time he was so aware of his entire body. Although he questioned his new roommate’s intelligence, taking a nap sounded like a great idea. Justin kicked off his shoes and crawled under the ratty covers. He refused to cry, even when his eyes began to blur from the liquid building in them. Shutting his eyes tightly, Justin finally drifted off to a restless sleep.

Brian had seen the new kid go into Malcolm’s room and couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. Vance had paid extra to guarantee him his own room. There was no way Brian Kinney was sharing living space with some tweaked out Twinkie or breeder. He didn’t know much about Malcolm but his bad attitude and even worse sense of style was enough to deter him from finding out more. Malcolm’s last roommate had been moved into the psych ward two days ago. He wondered how long it would take for the blonde to flip out again and prayed that Malcolm got caught in the crossfire.

Brian walked over to his dresser and picked up the one photo he had brought with him. It was a shot of him and Mikey drinking a couple of beers at Woody’s. He was Brian’s last link to his so-called family. Everyone else had eventually turned his or her backs on him, even Debbie who had always seen through his bullshit. Brian couldn’t even remember the last time Lindz had allowed him to visit with his son. Like it or not Brian had become the absentee father he had hated growing up.

Nobody even knew he was here. Mikey had promised to keep it to himself, but only after threatening him with the well being of his favorite Captain Astro comics. None of his friends had been there for him during his worst moments so there was no way he wanted them here now. Maybe some day they could forgive each other, but that wasn’t today. No one could understand what he was going through, not even Mikey. He just couldn’t comprehend how difficult it was to keep up the Kinney image, without spiraling out of control. He wondered if the blonde had the same problem with his friends or if money really did buy happiness.

Justin awoke with a start, drenched in sweat and gasping for air. He thought he had been in the middle of a nightmare until he took in his surroundings and realized that he really was locked away in Rehab like some kind of criminal. Before he had time to think more about his situation, he bolted from his bed and raced to the bathroom, just making it in time for his stomach to empty its contents.

Twenty minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom as silently as he could so as not to wake his roommate. His head was swimming, his body ached and his stomach rolled as he slowly made his way back to his bed. His sheets were soaked in sweat but he didn’t care about that at the moment. All he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die. Katherine had warned him of the withdrawal symptoms he would likely experience, but he never expected to feel this bad. As he lay in bed trying to make the room stop spinning, he couldn’t help but let the tears fall. He missed his family and wanted to go home. He didn’t belong here. He wasn’t a criminal or a drug addict. Drug addicts were crazed people, willing to do anything for their next fix. Hell, he didn’t even do drugs. The Vicodin was a prescription written for him by his doctor. Granted, the doctor stopped writing the script months ago, leaving Justin to find it other ways, but still, they were legal. It’s not like he was buying crystal off the street corner. 

Before Justin had time to think about anything else his stomach rolled again, causing him to race back to the bathroom. A few hours later he gave up on trying to stay in bed and took his pillow to the bathroom where he spent the rest of the night on the floor, praying for someone to kill him.

The next morning, Justin was woken up to Malcolm shaking him. 

“Hey, do you mind? I’d like to use the bathroom, too,”

“Fuck off,” he mumbled back. His body still hurt, but the sweats that he suffered the night before were replaced with chills that managed to shake his entire body. He slowly got up off the floor and stumbled back to his bed, tossing the pillow before heading out to the reception desk.

“I need to make a phone call,” Justin insisted to the woman behind the desk.

“I’m sorry, Sir. Our policy doesn’t permit patients to use the phone on a whim. You’ll need to discuss it with your counselor and get permission first."

“What? That’s bullshit! I want to use the God Damn phone!” Justin exclaimed, not caring about who heard his outburst. What kind of place wouldn’t let someone make a fucking telephone call?

Janie took in the man’s appearance and realized that he must be new. She could see the symptoms taking their toll on him. 

“Just a moment, Sir,” she replied, reaching for the phone to call Chuck. He always had a way of settling down the new admits.

Justin waited by the desk for whomever the woman had called to arrive and was startled to see a big burly guy approaching.

“You must be Justin,” Chuck said, extending his hand to Justin. “I’m Chuck. I was just reading over your file in my office when Janie called. What seems to be the problem?”

“The problem is that I’m trying to make a phone call and SHE won’t let me.” Justin glared at Janie.

“Sorry Justin. Our policy states that there will be no personal calls allowed in or out until your counselor has had time to assess the situation,” Chuck explained gently.

“Fuck your policy and fuck you! I want to go home and I want to go now!” Justin knew he was being irrational, but he couldn’t help it. He was not going to sit there and suffer in a place that wouldn’t even let him use the phone.

“Justin, why don’t you come into my office and we can have a look at your chart and see what we can do for you,” Chuck replied softly. He took Justin’s arm and began leading him towards his office, knowing what he would find in his chart and knowing that he didn’t want to explain the situation out in the open for everyone to see.

Once they were inside with the door closed, Chuck began to explain. “Justin, it appears that there were stipulations to your admittance. Jennifer Taylor, I assume she’s your mother? She explained that there was an incident regarding your sister Molly. She’s really worried about you and fears for your safety and that of your family. She made it clear that if you were to sign yourself out, we are to contact her so she can call the police and bring charges against you for what happened to your sister.”

“What? You’re fucking kidding me, right? She knows I didn’t mean for it to happen. I love Molly! I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her!” Justin defended himself, horrified by what Chuck was suggesting.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t Justin, but when you are under the influence you aren’t the same person. Drugs change people’s behavior all the time. Your family wants the old Justin back and they’re willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Now, what’s it going to be? Should I call in Pittsburgh’s finest?” Chuck asked solemnly.

Justin looked at Chuck incredulously and shook his head. He may not want to spend the next six weeks where he was, but he sure as hell didn’t want to spend them in a jail cell. “I’d like to go back to my room now. I don’t feel so good.” With that he rose from the chair and headed to the door, stopping only when he heard Chuck’s voice calling out to him.

“Justin, it will get easier. I promise.”

Justin didn’t even bother to reply. He just continued out of the door and to his room where he collapsed on the bed and cried. He’d never felt so alone in his life.

Justin had dozed on and off all morning. Each time he woke up he had hopes of feeling a little better, but it didn’t happen. If anything he just felt worse. The vomiting had stopped but only because he refused to eat the food that was offered to him. It hadn’t stopped the feelings of nausea that rolled over him constantly. His whole body shook and his body took turns going from sweating to the chills. By late in the afternoon he felt like a caged animal. He wanted to go home, go to the park, hell; he wanted to be anywhere but there. He began pacing the room, thankful that his roommate was nowhere in sight. He was startled when he heard a voice call him from the doorway.

“Justin, how are you holding up?” Chuck asked with concern. He hated watching the new admits suffer from their withdrawal.

“Oh, just fucking great,” Justin, replied dryly. “I need to get out of here. I can’t sit in this room anymore.”

“You can go to the day room if you’d like. There’s a TV in there and it's where everyone goes to get away for awhile,” Chuck offered.

“Thanks but no thanks. The last thing I want to do is go where everyone else goes,” Justin said, his sarcasm evident.

Chuck couldn’t help but smile at Justin’s attitude. For someone so small, he sure carried a big chip on his shoulder. “We have a small garden out back on the grounds. Maybe you’d like to go out there. It’s fenced in, of course, but at least it’s outside.”

Justin shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to show his excitement over something as insignificant as a small garden. The thought of being outside was like music to his ears.

Chuck could see Justin trying to hide his interest and held back his laughter. Everyone who came through seemed to have the same reaction. “Well, if you decide you want to check it out, just go down to the end of the hall and make a left. It’s the second door on the right. It’s the only door that doesn’t have an alarm.” He left then, knowing that the blond would be outside in less than ten minutes.

Justin waited until Chuck was gone before heading down the hall. Maybe some fresh air would do him some good. He found the door and stepped outside, noticing for the first time what a nice day it was. Somehow that didn’t make him feel any better. Taking a seat on a bench, Justin lost himself in memories of the past year. How had everything gone so wrong? He missed Jeff everyday, and wished there was a way he could turn back time and do it all over again. If he were honest with himself, he would have to admit that maybe he did take a few too many pills each day, but what other choice did he have? Ever since that asshole decided to use his head for batting practice, his hand had given him nothing but pain and trouble. He was an artist, or at least he was supposed to be. That dream disappeared with the swing of the bat. He tried, he really did. He’d done every exercise the doctor told him to and never missed a therapy session, but it was all for nothing. When he sat down to sketch, his hand only cooperated for about fifteen minutes before the muscles tightened and his hand shook. The Vicodin helped though, making it easier for him to work longer without the problems, but it wasn’t a total fix. His life as an artist was over before it actually began and without that, what did he have? 

Then his mind began to run through the incident with Molly. He really didn’t remember too much of what happened. They said it was one of his rages. His mother always talked about them, but Justin never really had any memory of them. The only memory he really had of the other night was seeing his mother helping Molly off the floor and taking her to the emergency room. Her arm was broken; he was responsible for hurting his sister and he didn’t know if he’d ever forgive himself for that. Suddenly the tears began to fall and Justin sobbed softly for all the pain he had caused. He was so lost in thought that he never heard the other man approach.

“Hey, it’s really not that bad,” Brian said, quietly. He didn’t know why he decided to say anything to the blond. He’d recognized him as the new admit for the day before and couldn’t help but try to offer comfort. Damn, a week in the place and he was already turning soft.

Justin jumped at the sound of the man’s voice and quickly brushed away his tears. “What the fuck do you know?”

“Look around, would you? We’re all here for a reason. I’m not saying that things aren’t fucked up, but it’s not worth crying over. Life is shit; you get over it and move on.”

Justin stared up into the most beautiful hazel eyes he’d ever seen and recognized the man from the lobby the day before. “Yeah, right. Look, I’m sorry about yesterday. I guess I was a little out of it. It’s just that I don’t belong here…”

Brian chuckled at his words. “Look…uh,”

“Justin.”

“Right, Justin. Look, we all belong here, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. This isn’t the Holiday Inn, its rehab, and we aren’t here for their wonderful spa accommodations. We’re here because we fucked up, or so they tell me. You might as well get used to it otherwise you’ll drive yourself and everyone around you crazy for the next six weeks,” Brian told him before turning to walk away

As an after thought he turned back and added, “by the way, you look like shit. I’m guessing that it was a rough night. Don’t worry, it does get better. Once your system is clean you’ll begin to feel a little human again.”

Justin watched the gorgeous man walk away and couldn’t help but think about what he said. Maybe he was right? Maybe he needed to admit that he fucked up and try to move on. Well, it was worth a shot. He didn’t have anything else to do for the next six weeks.


	2. 6 Weeks

Justin stood outside the door for a couple minutes, just watching the other patients’ mill around and talk. Most of them held paper cups filled with water, sipping casually like it was teatime. The group was a varied mix of middle-aged parental types, rebellious youth, and yuppie businessmen. He doubted any of them could relate to his situation and wondered how long it would take for them to write him off as just another queer that got what he deserved. He imagined in his head the back-story for each of the losers inside and was so deep in thought he didn’t notice Brian until he spoke.

“You going to just stand out here all day or actually go in?”

Justin whipped around, startled at first. A light blush covered his cheeks as he took in Brian’s casual cool appearance.

“Do I have a choice?”

“If we had a choice, do you think I’d be here? I’m not much of a sharing type of guy. I’d rather work through my issues in the solitude of my own room. Actually I’d prefer my loft but since that seems to be out of the question I’ll take what I can get. So shall we go in together, queers united and all.”?

Justin giggled a bit and pushed the door open, waiting for Brian to go first. Brian couldn’t help but smile back as he walked in. The other patients looked on in shock at the new side to Brian’s persona. He has been nothing but snarky and sarcastic since the moment he had joined the group. The blonde behind him was a mystery, fresh meat with a story that no one knew. They were practically salivating to hear all the juicy details and uncover the connection he seemed to have with Brian.  
Brian made his way over to two empty seats, waiting for Justin to join him. Once the blonde was seated he stood up again and grabbed two cups of water, ignoring all of the stares. He handed one of the cups to Justin without saying a word. Justin whispered his thanks and averted his eyes to the ground. Brian glared at the other people in the room, daring them to say anything derogatory to Justin.  
Silence filled the room when Blake walked in. He smiled at the group and sat down in a nearby chair, stuffing a few folders under his chair.

“So, good morning everyone. For those of you who are new, I’m Blake and I’ll be your counselor. I believe we have two new arrivals,” Blake announced rifling through a notebook on his lap. After scanning a few lines Blake looked up again and nodded his head in Justin’s direction.

“You must be Justin and Kate is over there in the corner. Welcome,” Blake greeted flicking his eyes between Justin and a petite waifish looking girl with long blonde hair.

“Why don’t we show Justin and Kate what we do here? Sean, you can go first.”

Justin listened intently as the first boy spoke, describing his downward spiral and how he ended up here. Everyone else seemed to nod along with the story, which made him wonder how many times they had all heard it. At the end, people would comment and commiserate over bits and pieces that they could relate to. A few others spoke as well and received the same type of feedback. Kate, the new girl, spoke briefly and reminded him a little of Molly. His body trembled slightly, racked with guilt just thinking about his little sister. Brian never spoke and rarely even looked at anyone who was talking. He continuously played with a white shell bracelet wrapped loosely around his wrist.

“Justin, how about you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about what brought you here,” Blake asked, jerking Justin back into the present.

“Uh, my name is Justin Taylor and my family sent me here.”

“Can you tell us a little more? Maybe why your family thought it would be a good idea for you to check yourself in.”

Justin could feel everyone’s eyes boring into him, including Brian’s. He wished he had some sort of jewelry to fidget with and distract him from the rest of the group. He was afraid he was nearing some sort of a panic attack or one of his rages, when he felt a gentle squeeze from Brian on his thigh. A warm buzz coursed through his veins at the contact. It calmed him enough to speak.

“A year ago I was hit in the head with a baseball bat and although my attacker got off with nothing more than a little community service, I was left with brain damage and permanent injury. My dreams of becoming a great artist were gone. I started taking vicodin and drinking, nothing too big. I didn’t think I was hurting anyone else. It was my life and I chose to live it in a comfortable haze. The night I arrived here I had gotten frustrated with my hand and my sister Molly walked in and…and….there was an accident and…Shit!” Justin exclaimed and stood up quickly hurrying to the door.

He could hear Blake calling after him but there was no way he was stopping to hear his pep talk. Justin was out the door and heading toward the garden, when he heard the footsteps behind him.

Brian waited a few minutes before going after Justin. Somehow he knew exactly where the younger man was going and sure enough, he spotted him lost in thought in the garden. He slowly approached him, unsure of what he was going to say, but for some reason drawn to comfort the blond.

“Hey,” Brian whispered softly, his hand resting gently on Justin’s shoulder.

Justin felt a shiver go down his spine from the light contact and turned slightly to look at the other man. “Hey.”

“You want to talk about it? Without a crowd of losers around to pass judgment on you?”

“Brian, did you ever do something so wrong that you wished you could go back in time and change it; make it all better, even though you know you can’t? And it kills you to know that it’s that the people who once loved you unconditionally now loath you and what you’ve become,” Justin sighed with shame and anger.

“No excuses, no apologies, no regrets,” Brian replied dryly.

“What?”

“Look Justin, you can’t go back and change the past. Spending your time regretting what’s already been done is just a waste of time and makes my dick soft. All you can do is go on, fix whatever it is that you have to and move on. If you’re not happy with the way things are, change them.”

“But, I’ve caused my family so much pain. For the last year, all I’ve done was hurt the people around me. Why would I do that?”

“Did you do it on purpose?”

“Of course not!” Justin exclaimed. “I didn’t see…I didn’t want to see what it was doing to them. Every time someone would try to talk to me about it I refused to listen. I told myself that they didn’t understand. They didn’t know what they were talking about because they didn’t understand me. I was destroying them and myself in the process. Now here I am, and everything is out of control. My life is a big fucking mess.”

Brian could see the silent tears running down Justin’s face and wanted to try and take his pain away. Without thinking about his actions, he took him in his arms, offering comfort. “Then fix it.”

“How?” Justin’s anguish was evident in his voice as he tried to take comfort in Brian’s arms.

“Make sure it never happens again,” Brian replied, his meaning known without being spoken.

Justin stood there in the garden in Brian’s arms and knew the older man was right. He had to do whatever it took to make sure it never happened again. He couldn’t ever lose control again.

Later that night, Justin tossed and turned in his bed, reliving his prom night. As they walked into the ballroom, it seemed like all eyes were on them. Jeff looked absolutely beautiful in his tux and they made a striking couple. Jeff had played football at one of the public high schools ever since he was a little boy and had the body to prove it. His muscles rippled under Justin’s fingertips as they took to the dance floor. They swayed together to the music, enjoying their close proximity. It wasn’t long before Justin was ready to move on to a more private location. They clasped hands and ran for the door.  
They were both laughing and dancing across the garage, oblivious to everything but each other.

“Did you see the look on their faces?” Justin asked.

“We gave them a prom they’ll never forget,” Jeff replied.

“Neither will I. It was the best night of my life,” Justin stated, filled with hope that it was a new beginning for the two of them. His smile lit up the garage. Justin reached for his keys, only now realizing they were still in his coat back in the ballroom. He gave a quick kiss to Jeff and told him he’s be back in just a second. He walked back toward the elevator, turning when he heard his name called. There was no time to react as a baseball bat slammed directly into his head. Justin fell to the ground, looking up into the eyes of his attacker. But then the vision suddenly changed and he was the one with the baseball bat standing over Molly’s crumpled body. He dropped the bat and screamed, “No!”

Justin bolted up out of bed, his breath coming in short gasps. His eyes were wild with fright as he took in his surroundings. Malcolm remained peacefully asleep. Quickly and as quietly as possible Justin jumped out of bed and threw on his sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. He eased the door open and started down the hall, glancing at each nameplate he passed. He was running on autopilot, not quite sure what he was searching for. Finally it all came together in his head when he spotted the name Brian Kinney.  
Justin crept into the room, shutting the door behind him. His body practically gave out on him as he leaned back against the door, sliding down it until his ass touched the floor. The shakes racking his entire body intensified from a mix of fear and drug withdrawal. He was horrified by the bloodied image of his sister that kept playing over and over in his head. He was so immersed in his own pain that at first Justin didn’t hear his name being called.

“Justin, is that you?” Brian asked tiredly, his eyes trying to focus on the young man across the room. He thought he had been imagining things when he heard his door open and close, but the sound of someone crying had broken through his sleepy haze. He was prepared to boot out whoever it was when he saw the flicker of blonde hair in the moonlight.

“Justin?” he asked again.

Justin stumbled to his feet, furiously wiping his eyes with his fists.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come in here. I just….I just didn’t know where else to go and I can’t go back to sleep and…I’m sorry. I should go,” Justin muttered and reached for the doorknob. He was halfway out the door when Brian grabbed him by the arm. Their eyes locked and Brian gently tugged him back into the room, shutting the door behind them.

“No, you don’t have to go. I’m actually feeling kinda restless myself. Why don’t you come over and sit down?”

Brian let go of Justin and motioned over to his bed. Justin reluctantly followed his command and sat down heavily with a sigh. Brian joined him, sitting with his back against the headboard. For a couple minutes they both remained silent, lost in their own worlds. Brian couldn’t believe Justin had actually come to him in the middle of the night. Besides Mikey he had never been the comforting person for anyone.

“So, you want to tell me what’s wrong?” Brian asked directly.

Justin shook his head and stared down at the floor instead. He wasn’t sure why he had decided to come here. They were virtual strangers but he was the first person Justin thought of when he woke up in fear. There was something about his presence that had a calming affect on him. Brian’s hand reached out to touch Justin’s forearm, attempting to get his attention.

“We can stay up all night staring at the grimy floor or you can tell me what’s got you spooked at 3 o’clock in the morning. I’ve got nothing else to do.”

Justin finally turned to face Brian and took a deep breath.

“It was a dream. Almost the same dream I’ve been having for the past year but this time was different. I’m at my prom with Jeff and everything is perfect. We’re dancing and laughing and I feel this amazing completeness that I’ve only read about. Then we walk down to the garage, still high on life, and dancing to the imaginary tune in our heads. I go back to grab my coat when Chris Hobbes hits me in the head with a baseball bat, knocking me to the ground. I feel it for a split second but then everything changes and suddenly…suddenly…”

Justin’s breathing became more labored as he gasped for air, nearing a full-blown panic attack. Brian pulled Justin closer, rubbing small circles on his lower back and whispering soothing words. Brian had never seen someone react like this and wasn’t sure if he was helping at all. It was another ten minutes or so before Justin was breathing more steadily. He leaned into Brian’s touch, relishing the closeness and support.

“You don’t have to finish, if you don’t want to,” Brian assured him.

“No, I’m OK. Thanks. I was on the ground and then suddenly I was the one with the baseball bat and Molly was on the ground covered in blood. I woke up almost immediately after that. It was so horrible and do you know what the worst part is?”

Brian shook his head, unable to answer.

“That it could have really happened. I was so out of control before I came here that I could have easily killed her.”

“That’s not true. You wouldn’t let yourself take it that far.”

“But I did Brian. I broke her fucking arm for God’s sake! What if her head hit the corner of my desk when she fell? She’d be gone and there’d be no one to blame but me. I might have taken a bat to the head but I’m not the only one that lives with the after effects.”

Justin’s voice crackled with pain. Brian pulled him closer, engulfing his slight body in a tight embrace. The tears began to fall more freely and Brian just held on, riding out the pain and guilt until all that was left were a few sniffles.

“So you were a shit, at least you’re man enough to admit it. Why the fuck else would you be here? This place might be absolute hell but they know what they’re doing. Just give your body a little time to heal and get rid of all the crap. You’re gonna beat this and then go home to annoy your little sister.”

“But what if…”

“There are no more what ifs. What’s done is done. Your sister forgave you the moment after she fell. Now you just have to forgive yourself.”

Justin stifled a laugh.

“You sound like a fucking public service announcement. You know that’s the second time you’ve done that, sounded all inspirational.”

“I’m in advertising, what do you expect?” Brian replied.

He smiled, knowing he had somehow broken into Justin’s protective shell. Easing back away from him, Brian lay down on one side of the bed. Justin looked down at him warily.

“You’re not even my type so don’t worry about it. I just know tomorrow will be a helluva long day with all that sharing bullshit and you might want to get a little shut eye. Feel free to go back to your own room if I’m making you uncomfortable,” Brian suggested.

“No you’re not,” Justin reassured him, before lying down beside him. Brian inched a little closer to his warm body, so they were just barely touching. Justin could feel hot breath on the back of his neck. Brian was drifting back to sleep when Justin whispered his name.

“Yeah?” he replied.

“So what is your type?” Justin asked nervously.

Brian smiled into the soft blonde hair.

“Don’t worry about it. Maybe I’ll tell you another time.”

The two men fell asleep almost immediately and didn’t stir until Brian’s alarm clock went off. Brian automatically pushed snooze but didn’t fully wake up. Justin opened his eyes to find himself wrapped tightly in Brian’s arms. He snuggled in closer, enjoying the security for just a little while longer. As Brian stretched his body out he became aware of Justin’s presence. He carefully edged away, pulling his arms back against his sides. Everything felt a little too comfortable for his taste. Feeling the sudden emptiness, Justin sat up and looked into Brian’s fully opened eyes.

“Hey” Justin greeted Brian.

“Hey” Brian replied, his eyes darting around the room. Justin could feel the tension radiating from his body and wished he could just disappear.

“So, I guess I should be going now.”

“Yeah, probably.”

Justin slipped off of the bed and padded barefoot to the door. He turned around to look at Brian one more time. Their eyes met briefly.

“Thanks. I mean for last night, being there and all.”

“Yeah, sure. No problem,” Brian replied. Justin eased his way out the door and hurried back to his room. Last night Brian had made him feel so safe and cared for. Now they could barely stand looking at one another. His emotions were all over the place and right about now a couple of vicodin would really feel good.

Brian watched Justin go and lay back down on his pillow. It had felt good last night to be needed. Lately he had been such a screw up that Mikey hadn’t even wanted to bother him with his problems. But Justin had come looking for him and wanting comfort from him specifically. It had been too easy to care about Justin and what he was going through. This morning they had both needed a little distance. Brian wasn’t quite sure what it meant. He couldn’t even remember ever waking up next to a trick, much as less some random guy that wasn’t Mikey. He could hear footsteps in the hallway but the last thing he wanted was to get up and face another day.

By the early afternoon, Brian had managed to push Justin out of his thoughts for a little while. He had just sat through a one on one meeting with Blake and was heading back to his room when Catherine from the desk called him over.

“Brian, there’s a Lindsay Peterson on line one for you. Do you want to take the call?”

Brian sighed. ‘So much for Mikey keeping his big mouth shut” he thought to himself before replying, “Yeah, might as well.”

“Okay, you can take it in the day room. I think it’s empty.”

“Thanks,” he replied walking towards the room apprehensively. He took a deep breath before picking up the phone.

“Hey Linds, what’s up?”

“Brian? What’s going on?” Lindsay asked angrily.

“Well, I’ve been a little stressed out lately so I decided to take a vacation,” Brian replied bitterly. “What the fuck do you think is going on?”

“Michael said that you checked yourself into Pleasant Valley. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Please Lindsay, as if you really cared,” Brian retorted.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I care; and what about your son?”

“Yeah, what about my son? You won’t let me see him anyway so what does he have to do with anything? Plus I’m in rehab now, I figured you’d be pleased.”

“That’s not fair Brian. I never wanted to send you away. I was just doing what I had to do to protect Gus. You’ve been in no condition…”

“Bullshit! I may have done a lot of things, but I would never have done anything to hurt my son. That was just your wife’s way of trying to keep him from me. I’m only good for writing checks!” Brian couldn’t hold back the anger that was racing through him.

“That’s not true. You’ve always been welcome to come and see him. I was the one who encouraged it in the first place, remember? But lately you’ve just been…”

“I’m the same person I always was Linds. Nothing has changed.”

“How can you say that? Everything has changed! You’re not the same person anymore. You’ve become this cold, self-centered bastard who doesn’t give a shit about anybody but himself. You’ve blown off your friends, your family, even your job. The only thing that you care about anymore is getting high and having your dick sucked. When was the last time you were at Debbie’s for dinner? Did you even know that Ted was in the hospital last month? That he almost died from a drug overdose?”

Brian was shocked by Lindsay’s outburst. Ted was in the hospital? He almost died? They may not have been the best of friends, but Ted was one of the gang. How could Brian not know that he almost died? So many thoughts were running through his mind that he almost missed Lindsay’s next words.

“Brian, I love you and it kills me to know that you’re destroying yourself. I really hope you’re in rehab to help yourself and not just to appease some advertising big wig. Melanie wants to petition to revoke your visitation rights indefinitely. I won’t be able to hold her off much longer,” she whispered softly, her pain evident in her voice.

“I gotta go Lindsay. Thanks for the words of encouragement. You’ve helped me to become a better person,” Brian replied with sarcasm, hanging up before she had a chance to reply.

He quickly made his way back to his room, Lindsay’s words ringing in his ear. He needed to try to block out the things she had told him and there was only one way he could think of to do that. After closing the door behind him, he reached into his hiding place and pulled out the flask. He needed the numbness that could only be found at the bottom of a bottle. Without worrying about how much he had left, he took a long swig, enjoying the familiar burn that the amber liquid produced. It only took a few swallows to ease the shaking that had begun at what he had heard and as he lay back on his bed with a death grip on his beam, he made a mental note to call Mikey the next day. He was going to need a refill as soon as possible.

Justin was walking through the halls, wandering aimlessly trying to find something to do to fill up his free time. He still felt a little foolish about seeking the older man out the night before, but he was scared and didn’t have anyone else to turn to. Brian seemed to understand him. He knew what it was like to be locked away from the substances that they had used to get through the hard times. It had seemed like the most natural thing in the world to find comfort from someone like him, but by the morning he began to think that he should have stayed in his own bed. He could sense Brian’s unease at having him in his bed and decided to make a hasty retreat. He suddenly decided to seek out Brian and once again thank him for being there the night before.

After looking in the dayroom only to find it empty, he made his way towards Brian’s room quickly. The door was closed so Justin rapped softly before opening it slowly and calling the other man’s name. He was utterly surprised by what he saw. Brian was lying on his bed; sound asleep with what appeared to be an empty flask hanging loosely in his grip. He somehow doubted that it was filled with fruit juice and a surge of disappointment ran through him as he took in the sight. He thought he had found a friend and confidant in Brian; someone who could help him get through the rough times ahead clean and sober and all the while, Brian had been keeping a stash of alcohol in his room.   
He thought about just walking away and forgetting what he had seen but knew that he couldn’t do that. Anyone could have walked in and seen what he was seeing and despite his anger at the other man, he didn’t want to see him get in trouble; or worse yet thrown out. Apparently Brian needed the rehab more than Justin had originally thought.  
He quietly closed the door behind him and walked towards the bed, gently taking the flask from Brian’s hand. One smell and his fears had been confirmed. He’d spent enough time around the country club bar to know whisky when he smelled it. He stood there for another moment watching Brian sleeping peacefully before he stepped back and raised his hand, dropping the flask to the ground and letting the loud crash wake the man from his sound sleep.

“Wha…” Brian bolted up in bed, startled by the loud crash, his eyes immediately focusing on the blond before him. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I think the more appropriate question is what the fuck are you doing?” Justin snapped back.

“I was sleeping, in case you hadn’t noticed,” Brian replied, lying back down with a sigh.

“More like passed out, I think. Brian, what are you doing with alcohol in here? Are you out of your mind?” Justin asked him angrily.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about this,” Justin said as he reached down and picked up the flask, showing to the other man. “How could you do that? This is a rehab for fucks sake.”

“Yeah well, the beverage menu around here sucks, so I decided to supply my own. What the fuck business is it of yours?”

“You’re a fucking hypocrite! You were the one who told me to put the drugs and booze behind me; I thought you were doing the same. I thought that we were becoming friends; that you understood what I was going through,” Justin cried out in frustration. 

“I’m not a fucking hypocrite. I haven’t touched a drug since I walked through those front doors. The beam is just a little something to help take the edge off. As for us becoming friends, I don’t need any more friends. I have enough already that turned their backs on me. Don’t look at me as some kind of hero you can worship. And remember, I’m in advertising. Just because I print the ad, doesn’t mean I buy into it. I’m just a man, like everyone else in here,” Brian replied, ignoring the pain he saw in Justin’s face.

“No, you’re not like everyone else. Everyone else is trying to help themselves. You’re just here wasting your time while attempting to fool everyone else around you. I won’t bother you anymore, you should get used to being alone.”

With that, Justin walked out of the room, leaving Brian to contemplate his words and wonder if maybe the kid was a lot smarter than he thought. He also couldn’t help but admire the perfect bubble but as it exited the room. It was just one more weapon the blonde had to fight his asshole persona with.


	3. 6 Weeks

It had been a couple of days since Justin walked out of Brian’s room and neither had spoken a word to one another. Justin was too hurt and disappointed to confront him, while Brian couldn’t come up with a good argument for his actions. He was also wrestling with his need to explain himself when it had never been necessary with anyone else before. He was constantly watching Justin during the group sessions and taken aback by the blonde’s open hostility toward him. He would avoid all eye contact and glare coldly if Brian happened to catch his attention. On the fourth day of silence, Brian followed Justin back to his room. Justin was completely oblivious until he heard the sound of a door closing behind him. He jumped, whipping around to confront the intruder.

“Jesus Brian, you scared the shit out of me. What the hell do you want?”

Brian remained close to the doorway, blocking any possible escape. He hadn’t actually thought through what he would do or say if he got Justin alone. Now that the situation presented itself, he couldn’t form one coherent thought.

“Brian, just go. I have enough of my own shit to deal with and I don’t need your two faced crap on top of it. Leave me the fuck alone.”

Brian was suddenly pissed off. This kid had no clue what his life was like and all the shit he put up with on a daily basis. So he needed a little something extra to deal with everything, what’s wrong with that? Justin was supposed to understand him, not ostracize him for being weak. Brian’s ability to speak came back with a vengeance.

“No, fuck you Justin. I was the one who listened when you needed to talk. You were all messed up and didn’t know what way was up. I never judged you or made you feel like crap for being confused. You owe me the same fucking respect.”

“I don’t owe you shit! You acted like you were on this amazing gold covered path to salvation when the whole time you’ve been cheating your way through the program. I thought I was the inferior one, unable to make it through one night without having nightmares and this overwhelming desire to make it all go away with a couple shots. You’re right about one thing, you are an adman and you sold me a whole lot of worthless shit.”

“I didn’t sell you anything you weren’t eager to buy. You were never weak! All you needed was one fucking person to believe you could do it and that’s all I gave you. Maybe it’s not that easy for me. I wish I could give it all up but it’s been a part of me for too fucking long. I just can’t do it. I want to and I’m trying to change. I’m not perfect”

“I never said you were. Hell, that’s why I bought your crap to begin with. You’re just another fucked up person like me. It’s easier when you know someone else is going through the same crap.”

“This whole place is filled with people just like you.”

“But you were the only one who seemed to give a shit about what happened to me. Or at least that’s what I thought until I realized they were just words with nothing behind them.”

Justin began to walk toward the window, needing to get away from Brian. He couldn’t stand to listen to another one of the man’s lies. He had only walked a few steps when he turned around to find Brian less than a foot away.

“Not just words. I do give a shit,” Brian stated and looked directly into Justin’s unflinching eyes. Before either man could analyze the emotion they found in the other’s gaze, Brian was pulling Justin into his arms. His mouth automatically found Justin’s, coming down hard and stealing his breath away. Justin gave only a moment’s hesitation before returning the kiss with exuberance. His arms wound around Brian’s neck, dragging him in even closer to his body. Brian returned the embrace, rubbing his hands up and down the back of Justin’s soft cotton t-shirt. His nails dug in slightly, eliciting a soft groan from Justin’s lips. Justin, in turn, tugged gently at the hair at the nape of Brian’s neck, enjoying the mirrored sounds. Their tongues were in a heated battle, rubbing sensuously against one another. While Brian was attempting to untuck Justin’s shirt, there was a knock at the door and someone entered the room. Their arms were still around one another, when a shocked voice startled them both.

“Damn it Brian, you can’t even go through rehab without tricking. I looked in your room but a nurse said she saw you come in here. If I had known you were in the midst of someone, I would have just waited in your room.”

“Mikey,” Brian groaned, extracting himself from Justin’s embrace. Justin stumbled back a tad, still reeling from what had just happened. His lips still stung from the way Brian’s teeth had grazed them. His whole body was on fire and his dick was uncomfortably straining at the zipper of his jeans. Justin nervously pushed back his hair and straightened his clothes. His eyes darted back and forth between Brian and the new arrival.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt, but I told you I would be stopping by around this time.”

Brian glanced down at his watch and sighed.

“Shit, it’s already 3 o’clock. I guess time flies when you’re having fun and this place is fun central. Right, Justin? We should probably get the pleasantries out of the way now. Mikey, this is Justin. Justin, my oldest friend Mikey.”

“Nice to meet you,” Justin said quietly, glancing over in Michael’s direction for a split second.

“You too. So what are you in for?” Michael asked.

“Fuck Mikey, you don’t just ask people that type of shit. It’s nobody else’s business why Justin’s here. All you have to know is he’s getting his shit together.”

“Just like Brian,” Justin replied, smiling shyly in Brian’s direction. Michael watched the interaction curiously, not really understanding the dynamic of their relationship to one another. Brian didn’t know quite what to say next. He could already see the wheels turning in Mikey’s head, trying to figure out why Brian was being so over protective of a supposed trick. Brian was confused enough on his own without his best friend’s assistance, so a change of scenery was definitely needed.

“Come on Mikey, let’s go back to my room so we can talk. I wouldn’t want to bore Justin with your lame ass stories.”

Michael automatically knew what Brian was doing and wasn’t giving up so easily. He turned back to get a good look at the blond. The boy was obviously young but there was something in his eyes that suggested maturity beyond his years. His eyes were absolutely mesmerizing and Michael was finding it hard to look away. He could tell from the penetrating gaze that he was being sized up in almost the same manner.

“No Bri, it’s OK. I’ve hardly even met your new friend. We can catch up on all the gossip later,” Michael suggested, his eyes never leaving Justin’s.

“But I’d like to hear it now. Justin’s got a meeting with his therapist anyway. We wouldn’t want to make him late. Maybe on your next visit,” Brian stated, nudging Mikey out the door. Michael called out a good-bye, as he walked down the hallway. Brian looked back over his shoulder at Justin before exiting the room. Justin had barely moved from the spot where they kissed. He looked so lost just standing there, like he was waiting for something. Brian wasn’t sure what he could say to explain the kiss they had shared or the connection they seemed to have. With Mikey waiting, he knew that now wasn’t the time. Instead, he smiled warmly and said, “later.”

Justin repeated the sentiment, feeling slightly better at the warmth in his gaze. He could hardly verbalize anything else; he was so in shock at the direction their conversation had taken. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or disappointed that Brian’s friend had interrupted their moment. Things had progressed at a startling rate and Justin knew that his clothes were only seconds away from disappearing. The thought both thrilled and frightened him. Besides the numerous drunken blow jobs he had received, Justin’s experiences with real intimacy were limited. The question became, could he trust Brian? They were both trying to make amends but it would take more than his strange proclamation about “giving a shit” to make him open up to the man again. If only he could believe Brian was capable of changing.

Brian had barely entered his room, when Michael began his barrage of questions.

“So who’s the kid? If he was just some trick you wouldn’t even know his name. Obviously you’re familiar with his story since you practically took my head off in there. And if he is your friend then what was your tongue doing down his throat? What do you guys even have to talk about? He looks like he’s still in high school.”

“Damn it Mikey, are you done yet? He’s just a kid. End of story.”

Michael sighed, not at all surprised by the brush off.

“Sorry Bri, it just surprised me to see you two together.”

“Since when? You’ve seen me kiss hundreds of guys before.”

“Yeah, and then you forgot about them the moment you were done. You know personal shit about this kid, including his schedule for god’s sake. Is he really just another fuck?”

Brian could feel his head throbbing from an overload of emotions and Mikey was the last person he wanted to unload on. He wanted out of the situation but Mikey never knew when to shut up.

“Brian, just tell me about the kid. Why won’t you talk to me? You hardly said a word the last time I was here either. But you’ll talk to him, is that it?”

“Yes! Is that what you want to hear? If you haven’t already noticed I’m twelve steps from hell right now. Our fucked up little family won’t talk to me. Linds won’t even let me see my own son. The physical pain I endured my first week here was nothing compared to the emotional shit they make us talk about every day. I’m hanging on by a thread and the only people that can understand what I’m going through are the ones in here with me. Justin can relate better than anyone else I know. Since he showed up in this hellhole, it’s been a little easier. I think we both needed someone to talk to,” Brian explained.

“I wanted to be that person,” Michael stated sadly. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes but refused to let them fall. Brian had always been there for him and now at the moment he could return the favor, Brian turned to someone else. 

“Not this time, Mikey. We’re living in two completely different worlds. There’s nothing you can do.”

Michael was devastated, knowing that a blond kid was more help to Brian than his own best friend. He realized that even though he couldn’t be the person Brian needed, at least he’d able to give him something to ease some of the pain. Reaching into his heavy coat, Michael pulled out a large bottle of Jim Beam and held it out for Brian to grab.

“Let me at least do one thing for you.”

Brian stood, staring at the bottle as if it contained some sort of explosive device. It’s what he wanted but he had told Justin he’d try harder. It was like a war going on inside of his body. Justin would never trust him again if he found out. Then again, since when did he allow a twink to control his life? Brian tentatively reached for the bottle and set it down on a nearby table.

“I don’t know Mikey.”

“Isn’t this what you asked for? It’s only liquor.”

Brian shook his head. It was never “only liquor”. A glass of Jim Beam was always the start of a night dedicated to drugs and debauchery.

“It’s not that. If Justin…” Brian started to say, forgetting for a second who he was talking to. It was already too late.

“What does the kid have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, just forget it.”

“No, I won’t! Do you let some trick tell you how to live your life?”

“Let it go Mikey. You know me. Nobody tells me what to do and that includes you. Thanks for visiting but I’ve had a long fucking day and I’d like a little time alone before my next session with Satan.”

“I’m sorry Bri, I just..”

“Forget it and go.”

Michael nodded his head and reached for the bottle. Brian grabbed it first, stashing it under some dirty clothes in the closet.

“I’ll hold onto it, for now.”

Michael said OK and leaned over to give Brian a quick peck on the lips. Brian walked him to the door and waited as he made his way down the hallway. Brian was about to head back into his own room when he caught a blond head out of the corner of his eye. They stared at each other for a few minutes, just drinking in each other’s presence. Justin was the first to move out of sight, followed immediately by Brian.

Justin had spent the rest of the afternoon thinking and trying to find the best way to broach the subject of the kiss with Brian. He knew that they needed to talk about it, but the confusion he was feeling was making it hard for him to put two thoughts together. He finally gathered up the courage he needed and approached the man after dinner.

“Hey,” Justin said softly.

“Hey,” Brian replied.

“I…uh…” Justin stammered nervously. Any thoughts he had seemed to disappear while looking into Brian’s intense hazel eyes.

Brian watched Justin for a moment, amused by his apparent nervousness. “Spit it out,” he teased.

“I…just thought that maybe we should talk about what happened earlier,” Justin managed to reply.

“What happened?”

“Yeah, you know; the kiss.”

“Oh, that. I guess that’s what happens when we’re locked away without any tricks,” Brian lied. He had been thinking about the kiss ever since Michael had left and he didn’t understand his confusion. He kissed guys all the time and never felt the stirrings that he felt with Justin.

Justin felt as if he’d been kicked in the gut. He had spent days trying to ignore his attraction to the older man and at least a couple of hours trying to explain the feeling he got when they kissed and now Brian was trying to say that it was nothing. That they only kissed because they were unable to trick. It took everything in his power to fight off the sadness of hearing those words and keep his face emotionless.

“Right, I just wanted to make sure that we understood each other.” Justin falsely assured him. “I mean, we’re guys, right? A trick’s a trick.”

Brian pushed away the strange feelings that Justin’s words stirred and nodded his head in agreement. Before either one of them had a chance to respond, Chuck came by looking to talk to Justin.

“I guess I’ll talk to you later,” Justin replied as he followed Chuck out of the room.

Brian watched him walk away wondering why he was suddenly feeling so conflicted.

The next day at lunch, Justin purposefully avoided the table where Brian was sitting alone. Instead he found a small table all the way in the back by the window. There were only two chairs and from there he could look out at the garden. He could feel Brian’s eyes follow him but refused to give him the satisfaction of returning his gaze. With his back to Brian’s table, Justin quietly munched on his cheeseburger and imagined he was anywhere but there. He was halfway through his meal when the sound of a chair scraping across the floor caught his attention. He looked up into a pair of dark, almost ebony colored eyes.

“Is anyone else sitting here?”

Justin shook his head quietly.

“Do you mind?” the man asked, gesturing toward the empty chair. Justin again shook his head, taking the opportunity to really look at the man across from him. He looked to be about Justin’s age and was tall with well-defined muscles in all the right places. His hair was almost black and hung slightly in his large dark eyes. His skin was a golden brown and added to his exotic good looks. Justin was certain he had never seen the boy before now. There was no way he would have escaped his attention.

“I’m Damon,” the man stated, extending his hand out to shake. Justin enjoyed the softness of his touch as their fingers collided. He smiled shyly and responded, “Justin.” Damon smiled back and sat down in the open chair.

Brian had been watching the interaction from across the room and could feel his blood start to boil. He had noticed the new guy earlier on and actually planned on nailing him later that day. His gaydar had gone off the moment the attractive young man had entered the facility but the boy had hardly noticed him upon entering the cafeteria. Instead he made an immediate beeline for Justin’s table, taking the time to check him out before having a seat. Brian’s thoughts of lust had quickly turned to that of hatred and suspicion. Justin had hardly noticed the boy at first but now they were talking like old friends. Justin was way too trusting for his own good and Brian was worried about some schemer taking advantage of the situation. They were still friends, which made Brian determined to watch out for the young blonde.

Justin enjoyed the way Damon looked at him, like he was something beautiful and special. It had been a long time since someone had made him feel like that. The two boys had similar backgrounds and could relate to a lot of the same things growing up. Justin laughed along with his absurd stories and felt a lightness in his soul that had long since disappeared. But even as he got caught up in Damon’s gentle charms, he couldn’t help sneaking a peek or two behind him at Brian. Every time he did, two intense hazel eyes bore into his. Justin wasn’t sure what he expected, but the anger simmering under the surface was not it. Justin was jolted back into the conversation when Damon suggested they go out to the garden for a little walk and enjoy the fresh air. Justin agreed and followed him out the door.

Brian didn’t waste any time throwing out the remains of his lunch and slipping out the door as well. He rationalized that he was in desperate need of a cigarette and pulled the pack out of his back pocket. He could see the two boys sitting on a nearby bench, on the other side of a group of trees. Their laughter rang in his ears, frustrating him even more. He had never heard Justin so carefree.

Justin thought it was easy talking to Damon. Everything was so surface and he never had to worry about things getting too intense. He had gone directly from high school to the adult world and Damon, at least for the time being, gave him back that feeling of innocence. It was a nice escape from the stress of his current situation.

“So one time my sister walked in on me fucking her boyfriend and all I could say was ‘make sure you knock next time’. I could have sworn there were flames coming out of her ears. She never introduced me to another of her boyfriends again. Luckily she never told my parents or I would have been out on the streets long before I decided to leave home.”

He smiled warmly and Justin touched his arm lightly in a reassuring gesture. Damon leaned into the touch and cupped Justin’s face in both palms. He softly kissed Justin’s pouty lips, barely entering them with his tongue.

Brian tossed his cigarette to the ground in a huff, stomping the butt out with the heel of his boot. “Fuck,” he said under his breath and hurried back inside, unable to watch another second. He should have known the kiss meant nothing to Justin. It had been less than 24 hours since they had spoken and he was already past it.

Justin pulled back from the kiss, stunned.

“Damon, I’m sorry but I can’t do this. I’m dealing with too much shit in my life already and there’s someone else that I think I might care about. It’s still kinda new and probably won’t go anywhere but who knows? Do you know what I mean?”

“Yeah, you’re not looking for anything besides a friend to talk to. I’m going though my own shit too so I can relate. I’m sorry, it’s just you’re absolutely beautiful and I couldn’t resist.”

Justin smiled one of his famous sunshine smiles.

“Thanks, coming from a Greek god like you I’ll take that as a big compliment.”

Both boys laughed, happy to have salvaged their budding friendship. Justin continued to talk excitedly about his friend Daphne, unaware that Brian had seen a thing.

As Brian walked back into the building he struggled to keep his anger in check. He couldn’t figure out why it upset him so much to see Justin and that other guy kiss; all he knew was that at that moment he felt the sudden urge to hit something. He was storming past the day room when he caught sight of Lindsay standing by the window waiting for him. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Brian! It’s so good to see you,” Lindsay said as she tried to embrace him. She was surprised at the way he recoiled. “I came to see how things were going.”

“How do you think they’re going? This is rehab, for fucks sake; not some spa vacation,” he replied angrily.

“I know that Brian, and do you have to be so nasty? I’m here because you’re my friend and I’m worried about you.”

“You’re worried about me? That’s a fucking joke. You weren’t worried about me when you were refusing to let me see my son!” Brian exclaimed.

“What did you expect me to do, Brian? You were out of control. I couldn’t allow you to be around Gus while you were like that.”

“That’s bullshit! You know I would never do anything to hurt Gus. That was just Melanie’s way of keeping my son, and you, away from me. Well fuck both of you! You only think of me as Gus’s father when you want my money.” Brian began pacing the small room, unable to hold back his anger. 

“That’s not true Brian. You are Gus’s father; you always will be. I just don’t want him to be exposed to…”

“Exposed to what?”

“To the drinking and the drugs…to the tricks; to the life that you live. Brian, why is this so hard for you to understand?”

“The life I live? I’m the same person I was when you asked me to jerk off in that cup for you! But that’s different, right? As long as you got what you wanted, nothing else matters!”

“Brian…” Lindsay pleaded softly. She had never seen Brian so angry before. The few people that were in the room had disappeared quickly and she could see a few staff members approaching them.

“Get the fuck out of here! Go! You don’t want me around my son? Fine! But don’t you dare expect me to keep writing those checks! Get that bitch wife of yours to support you! I’m done! Do you hear me? Done!” 

“Brian, you need to settle down,” Chuck said gently as he approached Brian. He laid a hand on his arm, only to be pushed away.

“Don’t fucking touch me! Get this bitch out of here!” Brian screamed.

“Brian, come on, let’s go to your room and talk,” Chuck encouraged, noting the crazed look in Brian’s eyes. He signaled for one of the orderlies to assist him. They needed to get Brian away from the others and back to his room.

“Fuck that! Leave me the fuck alone!” Brian tried to walk away only to have Chuck grab him by the arm.

“Brian…you need…”

“Don’t tell me what I need! What I need is to get the fuck out of here. Let go of me!” Brian continued to yell as he felt another pair of hands grab him and lead him out of the day room. He continued to try to pull away without having any luck.

Lindsay stood there in horror while Brian was being lead away. She’d never seem him lose his composure like that and she was frightened by what she had witnessed.

Justin was heading back to his room when he heard a disruption coming from the day room. As soon as he recognized Brian’s voice, he started running towards the commotion, his heart beating rapidly. He stood to the side in shock while Chuck and one of the orderlies dragged Brian out of the room. A blond woman stood there in shock, watching the scene play out before them. Seeing red, he quickly approached her.

“What the fuck did you do to him?”

“Excuse me?” Lindsay asked startled by the blond that approached her.

“I asked what you did to him. What did you say to Brian that got him so upset?” Justin prodded, trying to hold back his anger.

“I really don’t think that’s any of your business.” Lindsay replied in her WASP-like manner.

“Bullshit! I’m his friend and it was obvious that you were hurting him. What did you say that set him off so bad? You know what? It doesn’t matter. You’ve apparently done enough already. Why don’t you just go home and leave him alone?” Justin turned and walked away without another word. All he could think about was helping Brian.

“Brian, I’ll wait as long as it takes until you tell me what caused your outburst,” Chuck assured Brian as he watched the agitated man pacing his room like a caged animal.

Brian ignored Chuck’s request and continued to walk back and forth, trying to get himself together. He needed to get out of there. He needed to get away from everyone and just be by himself. The nerve of Lindsay to show up and pretend as if nothing was wrong. Damn Michael and his big mouth.

“Brian?”

“What! What do you want from me?” Brian barked.

“I want you to tell me what happened in the day room. I think we need to talk about it,” Chuck replied; his voice gentle.

“There’s nothing to talk about. Lindsay pissed me off; end of story,” Brian said sarcastically.

“Is she the mother of your son?” Chuck recalled the name from one of their sessions.

“My son? What a fucking joke! He’s only my son when they need money. Otherwise, I’m not good enough to be a father!”

Chuck could see the agitation building again and decided to drop the subject for the time being. “Brian, why don’t we go take a walk out by the garden and get some air?”

Brian’s thoughts went back to the garden and what he had seen out there causing his receding anger to resurface. “Fuck that! Just leave me alone!”

Chuck saw Brian’s temper flare and decided not to push any further for the moment. The one thing he learned in the short time since he had met the man was that he wasn’t a conversationalist and if he didn’t want to talk, he didn’t.

“Alright Brian, I’ll go for now. But we will be discussing this later. Not only do outbursts like the one you had earlier upset the others here, they are not good for your treatment. You need to find a way to release your stress and anger in other ways.” Chuck quickly laid a reassuring hand on Brian’s shoulder before walking out of the room.

Brian glanced at the closet where he had stored the bottle that Michael had brought him, but fought off the urge to get it, and instead lay on his bed trying to rationalize the feelings that were coursing through him.

Justin waited around until dinner, anxious to talk to Brian and see if he was okay. When the clean up was done and the older man still hadn’t appeared, Justin began to worry. He wasn’t sure if confronting Brian was a good idea under the circumstances, but he felt like he had to at least try. It was the least he could do after all Brian had done for him since he had been admitted. He knocked on the door but when he didn’t get a reply he slowly opened the door and walked inside. Brian was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling.

“Whoever it is, just go away,” Brian said without looking up.

“Brian, it’s Justin,” Justin replied, closing the door behind him.

Brian looked over at the blond before refocusing on the ceiling. “What the fuck do you want?”

Justin was thrown by the anger in Brian’s voice but wouldn’t let that sway him. “I came here to see if you’re alright.”

Brian sighed, knowing that Justin had witnessed his outburst. “I’m just dandy; you can go now.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Justin asked tentatively.

“No.”

“But…”

“What didn’t you understand about no? I don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing to talk about,” Brian sighed, wishing everyone would just leave him alone.

“There’s obviously something to talk about; something that made you lose control while talking to your friend,” Justin pointed out gently.

Brian winced at Justin’s words. He still couldn’t figure out what had set him off like that. He was still mad as hell at Lindsay, but in his time there he began to see how his behavior might not have been what was best for his son. He couldn’t really blame Lindsay for wanting to protect Gus, could he? He stayed quiet, hoping that Justin would take the hint and leave. No such luck.

“Brian, maybe if you talked about it…”

“Justin! It’s none of your damn business! Now why don’t you go find your little friend and leave me the fuck alone?” Brian barked, jumping off the bed and walking towards the window, keeping his back to Justin.

Taken back by Brian’s anger, Justin cautiously approached the man. “Brian? Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me for something? And who are you talking about? I don’t have any friends here.”

“No? Well, you two seemed a little chummy out in the garden earlier,” Brian spat.

Justin was surprised by Brian’s words. He hadn’t realized that anyone had seen him and Damon while they were in the garden. If he didn’t know better, Justin would have sworn that Brian sounded a little jealous. 

“Oh, you mean Damon? We were just talking.” 

“I didn’t know you could talk to someone with your tongue down their throat,” Brian replied bitterly.

That comment angered Justin. What right did Brian have to make comments on who he was with? It wasn’t like there was anything between them. In fact, Brian was the one who insisted that the kiss they shared was nothing but a mistake caused by a lack of tricking. Intent on giving Brian hell for his comment, Justin grabbed his arm and spun him around, only to be confronted with a sad and almost tender expression. Without thinking about the consequences, Justin reached up and pulled Brian down by the neck, covering his mouth in a passion filled kiss.

When Brian felt Justin’s lips touch his, his first thought was to pull away, but instinct took over and he felt himself deepen the kiss, his tongue pushing for and gaining entry into the warm recess of Justin’s mouth. Unfortunately, it ended all too quickly and Brian felt Justin pull away suddenly, confusion written all over his face.

“I have to go,” Justin said weakly before making a fast exit, closing the door behind him.

“Fuck,” Brian said to the empty room. There was just something about the blond that he couldn’t resist and he really didn’t think it had anything to do with his lack of sex.


	4. 6 Weeks

A couple days later things were almost back to normal between Brian and Justin. It was like they had made a secret pact to never speak about the kisses again. Justin figured it was best to steer clear and save himself the grief. It was hard enough concentrating on his recovery without having to worry about what Brian was feeling about him. No wonder you aren’t supposed to start new relationships while you’re in rehab. It really fucks with your head and the drugs had done a good enough jobs of that before Brian came along. If Justin were honest with himself, he would have to admit that he missed the way things used to be with Brian. The comfort level that had been established was broken and neither one knew how to fix it without admitting there was a connection between them. Justin was doing his best to avoid eye contact with Brian when a shrill voice called out his name. Justin smiled as he turned to greet his friend.

“Hey Daph, I was wondering how long it would take you to find me.”

“Jesus Justin, I was worried sick when I hadn’t heard back from you. Your mother was being purposefully vague. I think she’s trying to keep your whereabouts out of the country club gossip rags. It’s like just saying the word ‘rehab’ will cause her to lose all social standing. Thankfully being gay is the in thing right now or you’d be doubly screwed.”

“You always look on the bright side,” Justin said warmly, reaching out to embrace the energetic girl. Justin had planned on calling her when everything settled down but then it never did. It felt good to hold a little piece of home and have one person that would never judge him.

Brian had been playing solitaire at a table in the corner where he could nonchalantly check up on Justin, when the dark haired tornado blew into the rec room. From the bright smile shining on Justin’s face, Brian could tell this was a welcomed visitor. The reception was quite the opposite of the one he had given Lindsey a few days ago. It was nice to see Justin without his guard up and filled with genuine happiness. Although they had spoken several times since the kiss, there had been an invisible line drawn between them. They never spent time alone and rarely made any sort of body contact. He missed being on the receiving end of Justin’s openness and hoped someone was there to help him through the program, since he no longer could.

“So Justin Taylor, what the fuck happened?”

Justin laughed, surprised by Daphne’s forwardness.

“Mommy checked me in. End of story.”

Daphne sighed with frustration.

“Bullshit, I heard there was some sort of an accident with Molly.”

Justin visibly winced as soon as she said Molly’s name. During the last week he had managed to not focus on that particular event every ten minutes and wasn’t ready to be confronted with it again. Daphne reached out to touch his hand but Justin jumped slightly and backed away from her.

“It’s OK Daph, I’ve been going through everything with my counselor and apparently I’m making great headway. Of course I still feel like a complete ass. That doesn’t stop me from craving a vicodin every night.”

“How did it get this far? Why didn’t I see it happening?”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself Daph. You’ve been away at school and enjoying your freshman year at college. That’s what you should be doing.”

“No, I should be hearing what my best friend is telling me without him outright saying it. I was there when you were bashed and a real friend would have known that just because you’re out of the hospital, it doesn’t mean you’re no longer hurt,” Daph practically whispered, the words getting choked in a sob.

“Don’t say that, please don’t say that. There is no one to blame but Chris Hobbes and me for not handling it better. I knew I was in trouble but I didn’t tell anyone. You’re not a psychic. You only saw what I wanted you to see. This,” Justin said, motioning around the room, “was inevitable. You couldn’t have stopped it. Who knows, you may have ended up like Molly or worse if you tried. Now let’s not focus on stuff we can’t change and just enjoy being together at this moment. Tell me about you. Meet any cute boys while attending higher education?”

Daphne nodded her head and smiled. Justin wanted something normal and she could do that. It’s what best friends were for.

“Well actually I met someone a couple of weeks ago.”

“Straight?”

“Yes, straight.”

“Single?”

“Yes, this time I specifically asked on the first date. I didn’t want any repeats of the Jaime incident.”

“Thank god, now spill the dirt. I’m so horny here, even hearing about breeder sex is a step up,” Justin whined.

The two friends continued to chat for another fifteen minutes or so, when Daphne noticed a very good-looking auburn haired man continuously looking in Justin’s direction. At first she thought she had just been seeing things but it was too frequent to be a coincidence. He was trying not to be obvious, which made it all the more endearing. Justin was in the midst of a story when Daphne abruptly interrupted him.

“So what about your love life. Anyone new?”

Justin was taken aback by the question. 

“Course not Daph. I’m in rehab, not on a single’s cruise.”

“I know but you still might meet someone in here. It’s not like the place is filled with trolls.”

“It’s kinda against the rules,” Justin explained, feeling very uneasy with the direction of the conversation.

“Since when have you ever played by the rules Justin Taylor? You can’t help who you fall for or when it happens. Sometimes things are just meant to be,” Daphne mused.

“Said like a true breeder,” Justin scoffed, “so you want to tell me what brought all this up? You on the rag?”

“No, I was only trying to get you to tell me what’s going on between you and tall dark and sexy over in the corner. He’s been periodically staring at you the whole time I’ve been here. The guy is so into you.”

Justin glanced over his shoulder, surprised to see Brian near the window. Their eyes met briefly before Justin turned back to look at Daphne.

“Sorry Daph, you must be mistaken. That’s Brian Kinney and he has no interest in me whatsoever except for a possible scratching post if his needs get too strong.”

Daphne shook her head vehemently.

“Sorry Justin, but you’re the one that’s wrong. That man’s got it bad for you and it’s not just lust I see in his eyes, although there’s plenty of that too. Just give it time and you’ll see what I mean. And when you do, I want pictures and videotape too if you can swing it.”

Both friends giggled, as Daphne stood up to leave. She grabbed her sweater off the chair and pulled Justin into one more hug.

“Get better and come home. Feel free to bring a souvenir because there’s no way you should leave a man that dreamy behind,” Daphne whispered in his ear, before pulling away and making her way to the door. When she looked back one more time, the two men were openly staring at one another across the room. She couldn’t help but smile, knowing Justin was no longer alone.

Later that night, Justin was tossing and turning with another nightmare. This time Justin was the one watching while Chris Hobbes took a swing at Brian’s head. He was too far away to stop him and could only scream from across the garage. The moment Brian’s lifeless body hit the ground Justin woke up coughing and gasping for air. Jumping out of bed, Justin hurried out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom. Tears had already started to run down both cheeks. His breathing was still erratic when he flung the door open and allowed it to slam behind him.

Brian had been restless all night, unable to get clear blue eyes out of his head. He was just starting to drift off when the bathroom door across his room banged shut. Brian was irritated until he heard the soft sobs, coming from inside. There was something familiar about the voice, so he decided to investigate. Quietly Brian got out of bed and walked across the hall. Barely making a sound, Brian eased the door open and found himself staring at Justin’s trembling back.

“Justin?” Brian said softly.

Justin picked his head up and turned to look at Brian. His eyes were filled with pain and fear but there was something else there too. There was a need and Brian knew exactly what it was. Without another word Brian did something so uncharacteristic he wasn’t even sure it was real. Taking a few steps toward Justin, Brian opened his arms and signaled for Justin to come to him. Justin was operating purely on instinct as he ran into Brian’s arms and took the comfort offered to him. Brian held him tightly, gently stroking through his hair and down his back. In the safety of Brian’s arms, Justin could completely let loose and allow all the fears and self doubt to ooze out. His tears soaked Brian’s wife beater but neither seemed to notice.

“Shhhhhh Justin, it’s OK. You’ll be OK. I’ll make sure of it,” Brian whispered in his ear, even believing the words himself.

Once Justin had quieted down, Brian escorted him over to his room. Justin leaned heavily on his shoulder and Brian kept his arm close around him. Brian gently tugged Justin over to the bed and sat him down. Justin stared down at his feet, apparently oblivious of his surroundings. After watching him for a little while, Brian decided it would be best to get him to sleep. Carefully, Brian began to undress him. Justin was like a rag doll, completely immobile, while Brian tugged his t-shirt over his head. He then took off his socks and pulled loose the drawstring that kept his oversized pajama bottoms from falling off his hips. As Brian began to ease the material down, he looked up and met Justin’s watery gaze. The deep blues that he had been dreaming about earlier on stared unflinchingly at him. This time there was a different need radiating out of them. Brian was moving on autopilot as he reached out and cupped Justin’s cheek, wiping off the wetness he found there with the pad of his thumb. Justin nuzzled into his hand, like a cat looking for attention. Leaning forward, Brian questioned Justin with his eyes. A slight nod of encouragement was all Brian needed to finally give in to his own desires and press his lips to Justin’s. 

The kiss was soft and gentle, barely allowing their lips to touch. Another one immediately followed it, this time Brian began to explore Justin’s mouth with his tongue. Their kisses became more frenzied but filled with passion and lacking in persistence. Brian only wanted to touch Justin and make him feel beautiful and safe. Tenderly, Brian laid Justin back on the bed and finished pulling off his pants. He was both surprised and pleased to see Justin wasn’t wearing any underwear. Looking down at Justin’s completely naked body, Brian smiled and lightly traced his fingertips down Justin’s jaw line and continuing to his waist.

“You’re absolutely perfect. Are you sure this is what you want?”

Justin nodded his head and smiled shyly up at Brian. Then grabbing the hem of Brian’s wife beater, he yanked it up and over his head. Brian took off his shorts himself, so their naked bodies were pressed up against each other with nothing in-between them. Justin arched into Brian’s body, causing him to gasp in surprise. Brian took the time to touch Justin’s entire body, from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet. Every part was explored first with his hands and then with his mouth. Justin was practically panting in need by the time Brian had settled between his thighs. Knowing what was next, Justin swallowed nervously.

“Do you have something?”

Brian smirked down at him, before reaching into his nightstand and pulling out a condom and lube.

“Don’t worry, I always come prepared. You never know, even in rehab”

Brian swiftly put on the condom and covered his finger in lube to prepare Justin. Right before his fingers made contact with Justin’s hole, he was stopped by a quick hand.

“Just be gentle.”

Brian nodded his head in understanding.

“Been a while?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, like my whole life,” Justin chuckled.

Brian’s eyes went wide with shock.

“You mean, you’ve never…”

“Nope, wasn’t ready before the bashing and couldn’t stand to be that vulnerable after it. Not until now.”

“We don’t have to if you don’t..”

“No, I want to. I need you inside me. Just take it slow.”

Brian took extra time to stretch Justin, explaining things as he went. When he finally entered Justin for the first time, it felt like a whole new beginning for both of them. His thrusts were slow and deep, waiting for Justin to adjust with every push. The lack of recent fulfillment, as well as Justin’s tightness brought Brian’s orgasm on quicker than usual. Reaching down to grab Justin’s cock, Brian stroked him to completion at the same time he erupted into the condom. Both men lay gasping for air, as Brian pulled out and lay down on his side, dragging Justin’s body in close. Neither said a word following their encounter and instead allowed themselves to be lulled to sleep by each other’s heartbeat.

Brian awoke the next morning disoriented for a moment by the feel of someone in his arms. He never let tricks stay over and tried to think back to the night before when reality set in. He was in rehab and Justin was the man in his arms. His mind was flooded with memories of finding the younger man crying in the bathroom; of taking him back to his room and of their pairing. Brian had to admit, at least to himself, that even though Justin had been a virgin, it was the best sex of his life.

That thought caused a rush of panic to course through him. How had this kid managed to provoke such thoughts in such a small amount of time? He looked over at Justin as he started to stir and knew that they needed some kind of ground rules. It was obvious that they weren’t going to be able to avoid each other, but the last thing he needed was to have some love struck kid following him around. He was Brian Kinney and Brian Kinney didn’t do love.

“Morning,” Justin mumbled as he awoke and saw that Brian was watching him.

“Hey, did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, better than I have in months. Thanks for last night. For being there again and for…well, you know,” Justin said shyly.

“Anytime, but we have to get a few things straightened out though. Last night was great, but it was just for fun, understand?” Brian asked, seeing confusion cross Justin’s face. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with getting our needs met while we’re here, but you know that’s all it is, right? It’s not like this place has a large gay population so it might be nice to have a regular thing but I don’t believe in love and relationships and all that lesbian shit. We’re queers; we fuck and move on.”

Justin felt his heart begin to drop, but something about the way Brian was looking at him made him think that the older man didn’t necessarily believe everything that he was saying. He quickly thought back to the days since they had met and saw a pattern forming between them. Brian may claim to be unaffected by what was happening between them, but Justin was beginning to think he was trying to fool himself into believing it meant nothing. Maybe he just needed to give him time to see what was developing between them. He’d have to tread carefully for the next few weeks, but he wasn’t ready to give up hope just yet. 

“Right, I know. I understand completely and you’re right, a regular thing might help to keep the edge off,” Justin replied casually.

Brian wasn’t sure he liked the speed in which Justin agreed with him. For some reason he expected some kind of protest and knowing that Justin didn’t utter a single objection bothered him more than he was willing to admit. He pushed those thoughts aside, reminding himself that it was what he wanted as he climbed out of bed.

“Okay, as long as we understand each other; although we’re going to have to be careful. Chuck and Blake would freak if they found out what we’re doing.” 

“Yeah, I agree…even though we aren’t together; a fuck is just a fuck. They still wouldn’t be too happy. Besides, I’m sure there’s some rule against it anyway, so we’ll have to be very careful,” Justin agreed as he got up and got dressed.

“Right,” Brian said, ignoring Justin’s careless words. “So as long as we’re careful and both in agreement, we shouldn’t have any problems.”

“No problems,” Justin assured him. “Thanks again for last night. I’ll see you around.” Justin walked out of the room as casually as he could. He hoped he was doing the right thing, because if he misread the situation and Brian really didn’t care, he was the one that would get hurt in the end.

Brian watched Justin walk away, wondering why Justin’s cavalier attitude was suddenly pissing him off.

Justin was waiting around outside of the group room when Damon appeared by his side later on that day.

“Can’t wait to share?” Damon teased when Justin noticed him.

“Hey,” Justin replied with a smile. “Actually, I’m just anxious to get in and out of there. These group sessions are nerve racking.”

“I know what you mean. I still don’t understand the whole concept. What is the point of listening to others going on and on about their problems? Don’t they think we have enough of our own?”

“I think that’s the point. This way we don’t feel like we’re the only ones this is happening to.” At least that was Justin’s opinion on it.

“Yeah, well after spending way too much time on the streets, I know I’m not the only one who’s fucked up,” Damon chuckled.

“Not even close. So, after this thing is over, do you want to go watch some TV? I haven’t spent much time in the day room since I’ve gotten here. I kind of miss vegging out in front of the TV.”

Before Damon had a chance to reply he saw Brian approaching out of the corner of his eye. “Uh oh, watch out. Here comes Mr. Gloom and Doom himself.”

“Who?” Justin asked, turning to see who Damon was referring to. “You mean Brian? He’s not all that bad.”

“If you say so,” Damon mumbled, more to himself, as Brian joined them.

“Hey, what are you doing loitering out here in the hall. Shouldn’t you be inside, getting ready to pour your heart out?” Brian asked, addressing Justin but ignoring Damon completely.

“We were just talking about the significance of group therapy. Care to share your views?” Justin teased.

“It’s all bullshit. Now we better get inside and find a good seat.” Brian led Justin away, tossing a smug smile in Damon’s direction as he went.

Damon watched the way Brian seemed to get possessive of Justin, leading him away while he was in the middle of a conversation and wondered what was going on between the two men. He decided to go inside and watch them, looking for signs of anything that would explain what had just happened. Once the session was over Damon had his answer. Brian was the guy that Justin was interested in. There was no doubt to anyone who might have been paying attention to the couple just how into each other they were. They sat side by side, rather closely, silently offering comfort to one another. Not to mention the way they kept looking at each other when they thought no one was watching. Brian even laid a gentle hand on Justin’s knee during a difficult moment while Justin was sharing.

All clues pointed to the fact that there was definitely something going on between them; something deeper than just two friends helping each other through a difficult time. Damon was intrigued. He liked Justin and didn’t want to see him get hurt by someone like Brian Kinney. He’d seen Brian’s type enough during his years on the streets and wanted to protect his new friend. He silently devised a plan to help the blond by either causing Brian to come clean with his obvious feelings for the younger man, or to push him away completely; something that would benefit Justin in the long run if Brian’s intentions were not what would be best for Justin. Who knows, maybe one day he’d be able to handle his own relationship with the blonde. He left group with a bounce in his step, anxious to put his plan in motion.

Justin once again found his way to group. He hadn’t seen Brian since their session ended the day before, choosing to give Brian a little time to himself and hoping he’d notice the absence. By the time Brian appeared at the session, Justin had found his seat, sitting between Damon and one of the other patients. The look he gave Justin wasn’t a happy one, but Justin just smiled apologetically at the man and resumed his conversation with Damon.

Damon watched Brian’s face change into something filled with anger, and possibly jealousy, when he spotted his favorite patient sitting between him and one of the others. He smiled to himself when he realized that his plan was going to work much better than he anticipated. All through the session, Damon kept close to Justin’s side, offering comfort when needed by an arm on his shoulder or a hand on his thigh. He could feel Brian’s eyes burning a hole in him, but refused to meet the glares he was receiving. Once the session was over, Damon led Justin away, making sure that Brian was watching. He brought Justin outside to the garden, figuring it wouldn’t be long before Brian followed them. He wasn’t disappointed.

“Shit, I forgot I had to make a phone call,” Damon announced as he saw Brian approaching. “I better get back inside. I’ll talk to you later, Justin.”

Damon refused to look at Brian as he quickly made his way back inside, holding back his amusement over the situation.

Brian walked outside in search of Justin, trying not to let his anger show. He couldn’t figure out what it was that Justin saw in Damon. Sure he was good looking but here was something about the other man that had turned Brian off the moment they’d met and his dislike was continuing to grow as he watched him and Justin becoming friends. If he didn’t know better, he would swear he was jealous, but that idea was ridiculous. He didn’t do jealousy.

As soon as he saw the two men together, something inside of him snapped. Damon was really starting to piss him off with the way he was following Justin around like a lost puppy. He stood watching them for a moment, getting ready to go throw the infuriating man into the bushes when he saw Damon walking away, leaving Justin behind. Without thinking, Brian made his way over to Justin, grabbing him from behind and kissing him deeply. Justin kissed him back willingly and it took Brian a few minutes to remember where they were and pull away.

“Hey, what was that for?” Justin asked, holding back the smirk that was threatening to show.

“Wait about ten minutes then come to my room,” Brian demanded gently.

“But…” Justin didn’t have time to finish his reply and stood there in shock watching Brian walk away. This time he didn’t hold back the smile.

Ten minutes later, Justin lightly knocked on Brian’s door then entered slowly, startled when he felt himself being dragged inside. All too quickly, the door was being shut and locked behind him as he was pushed up against it and his mouth was taken in a searing kiss. The sudden intrusion sent a wave of heat coursing through his body while he kissed the older man back with everything he had. When the kiss was broken he tried to speak, but Brian silenced him with another kiss, at the same time leading him over to the bed.

Brian make quick work of discarding their clothing, needing to feel Justin’s naked body pressed up against him. He urged Justin down on the bed, climbing on top of him, covering the smaller frame beneath him. Grabbing Justin’s wrists, he drew them up over the blond head, holding them in place while kissing and biting down his neck, shoulders and chest. At one point he noticed the reddened marks he was leaving behind, but seeing the passion in Justin’s eyes caused him to ignore his concern and continue on with the careful assault.

Justin writhed beneath Brian, confused and very turned on by the force Brian was using. It was as if he was a man possessed and Justin knew that the tiny bites Brian was giving him were going to leave a mark, but he didn’t care. He had never been so turned on before and he could feel his cock leaking in anticipation of what was to come. As his wrists were released, he felt Brian working his way down his body and groaned when he felt Brian’s mouth wrap around him.

“God Brian…” he rasped, entangling his hands in Brian’s hair as the man began licking and sucking him in earnest.

Brian heard Justin’s husky voice and it only encouraged him to move things along, his own cock becoming painfully harder. He reached up into the night stand and grabbed a condom and lube, setting the condom aside while coating his fingers. He swiftly inserted a finger, relishing in the incoherent mumbling that Justin was doing. Once a second finger was buried deep, Brian quickly prepared the man, his mind reeling with the thought of burying himself inside the tight opening.

“Brian…fuck me,” Justin pleaded, unable to wait any longer to have Brian inside of him.

Brian pulled his hand away, sheathing himself quickly before entering the waiting hole. As he sank inside, he felt something shift inside him, something that he didn’t understand, but when he felt Justin pulling him closer, all thoughts left him as he began a steady rhythm, concentrating on keeping his orgasm at bay until Justin could be brought along with him. It didn’t take long before Justin reached the edge, and Brian picked up the pace, sending them both into oblivion.

Once Brian got his bearings again, he pushed himself up and glanced down, his face darkening at the sight of the small bruises that he had caused to appear.

“Shit!”

“Brian? What’s wrong?” Justin asked in confusion.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Brian replied, ignoring his no apologies motto.

“Hurt me? You didn’t hurt me. I’m fine; great actually,” Justin assured him.

“You’re starting to bruise,” Brian whispered, placing soft kisses on a few of the marks.

“Oh…well, I tend to bruise easily. It comes with the fair skin. Really Brian, I’m fine.”

Brian searched Justin’s face for any signs of discomfort and felt better when he didn’t find any. He got up out of bed and reached for his clothes, wondering what had come over him. His need for Justin was like nothing else he ever experienced and he wasn’t sure where it had come from. They agreed to get their needs met with each other, but taking Justin like he had and almost forcing himself on the younger man was not what he had in mind.

Justin could sense Brian’s trepidation and was confused by the older man’s reaction. He decided the best thing to do for the moment was to reassure him once again that he was okay and leave him alone for awhile. He got dressed quickly before turning to him, pulling him closer for a gentle kiss.

“Brian, you’re thinking too much. I’m okay and what just happened was great; better than great.” He kissed him again before pulling away. “I better get going. I have to meet with Chuck to go over my “future plans”. I’ll see you later.”

Brian sat in his room, letting darkness set in as the sun when down, thinking about what could have caused his reaction to Damon. He realized that seeing him and Justin together set things in motion for their afternoon romp that left Justin marked and he didn’t like what he had become. He didn’t usually get so rough with his tricks, yet Justin seemed to enjoy it; actually get off on Brian’s forcefulness. It was almost as if he was trying to mark his territory, and Justin was letting him do it. Shaking away the thoughts that were plaguing him, Brian rose from the bed and headed towards the shower. Justin was right; he was thinking too much.

Justin had just gotten out of yet another session with Chuck and was pleased to discover that his current cravings focused more on food than drugs. His stomach had been growling practically the entire time he was in there and even hospital style mac and cheese was sounding good to him. Lunch wasn’t for another half an hour, but Justin wanted to be first in line. Standing just outside the cafeteria door, he could smell the food being prepared and decided he would wait right there until it was time. He was so engrossed with his food obsession that he didn’t even hear someone come up behind him.

“Hey Justin. Are you stalking the kitchen staff now?”

Justin laughed, slightly embarrassed about being caught.

“Hey Damon, I swear I could eat a horse I’m so hungry right now. I figured if I just waited here then I could be the first one in and maybe if I’m lucky they’ll open the doors a little early.”

“You know how pathetic that sounds?”

“Don’t care. If I’m the most pathetic person here than we are definitely in the wrong place. So what brings you down this way? Stalking me?”

“Maybe. Would it help any if I was?” Damon asked seductively.

“Depends what you want help with. If it’s getting a one way ticket into the psych ward then hell yeah but if you want in my pants, I think you already know the answer to that question," Justin responded in amusement.

Damon smiled back, enjoying the innocent banter. He really would have liked a chance with the blonde but now wasn’t the time. There were too many issues on both sides and his problems were too deep seeded to bring into a new relationship. Justin deserved more, although he wasn’t sure Brian Kinney would be any better. The attraction was obviously mutual but how far could things possibly go if Brian didn’t acknowledge it. As he was thinking about it, of course that’s the moment he noticed the black and blue mark partially hidden under Justin’s t-shirt. It was in a place obviously visible and completely in plain view if Justin chose to wear a shirt with even the slightest open collar. Justin didn’t seem to notice or was trying to be nonchalant. Either way, it was apparent to Damon that his little display had ruffled the feathers of one Brian Kinney. Damon grinned in appreciation of his own deviousness. He was about to say something to Justin about it when Brian approached them, sending a glare in his direction.

“Well hello Brian, so good to see you today. Justin and I were just discussing the finer points of the local cuisine. What are your thoughts?” Damon asked casually, swinging an arm around Justin’s shoulders.

Brian visibly cringed at the gesture before gently tugging Justin away by the belt buckle. Damon bit the inside of his lip to keep himself from laughing at the obvious jealousy. Brian wrapped a possessive arm around Justin’s waist, daring Damon to refute his claim. Justin was startled by the development but relaxed into the embrace, happy to feel Brian so close. He was just getting comfortable when the cafeteria door swung open and he darted in without a moment’s hesitation, leaving Damon and Brian behind.

“Well I guess we know where you stand,” Damon teased.

“I didn’t see him sticking around for you either so don’t be so smug,” Brian said under his breath.

“Oh I’m not, don’t worry. But I can appreciate a healthy appetite so no skin off my back. Speaking of skin, I noticed you left a little parting gift on Justin’s.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Brian claimed innocently.

“Sure you don’t. You can tattoo your name all over his body and I still won’t disappear. I’m not an idiot. I do know there’s something going on between you guys and I accept that. What I don’t accept is you doing this whole push and pull thing with him. He’s better than that.”

“What, you think you could do better? You haven’t said shit in group yet but I’d bet you have a pretty interesting story to tell. Maybe something that might make you look a little less saintly in dear sweet Justin’s eyes. How would you like that?” Brian asked menacingly.

“You can go ahead and try to dig up all you want if it makes you feel better. But I’ll be spending time with Justin while you do it.”

“You fucking stay away from him.”

Brian stepped closer to Damon so they were less than a foot apart. They were practically breathing the same air when Damon countered with another step.

“I’ll back off as long as you’re good to him. But we’re friends and if he tells me how much of a shit you are then all bets are off. For some reason he seems to think you’re more than just a pretty face and I’d like to think he’s right. You’ll just have to prove it to me yourself.”

“I don’t have to prove shit to you.”

“We’ll see. He already trusts me so let’s see how long it takes for him to return my affections once you’re out of the picture. Or maybe you’ll prove me wrong. I’ll be waiting regardless,” Damon said casually and turned to walk away. Brian watched him go and wondered how much of what he said was really bullshit. There was no doubt the man wanted Justin but how did Justin feel? What if Brian pushed him too far, would he go to Damon? Brian wasn’t ready to think about that yet because if he did, he’d have to admit he cared.


	5. 6 Weeks

*This is a collaboration with Meredeth!

* * *

Time went quickly for Brian and Justin and before either of them knew it, it was the day before Brian’s release. Brian and Justin were in Brian’s bed following a mid-afternoon romp, both men somewhat lost in thought, when Brian spoke up.

"I can’t wait until tomorrow night when I can finally go to sleep in my own bed," Brian said, oblivious to the consequences of his words.

"Tomorrow? You’re leaving tomorrow?" Justin asked in a panic. He knew their time in rehab was almost over, but didn’t think about the fact that Brian would be leaving before him.

"Yeah, my six weeks in hell are up."

"Oh…I didn’t…realize…" Justin stammered quietly. "What about… never mind."

"What about what?" Brian prodded.

"What about us?"

Brian sighed. He didn’t want to have this conversation at that moment. He’d been trying not to think about his leaving and what it would do to their involvement. "Justin, there is no us. We’re just having fun, remember? I have a life to get back to, and so do you."

Justin tried to mask the pain he felt as Brian’s words sliced through his heart, but he wasn’t able to stop the tears that started forming behind his eyes.

"How can you say that? How can you say that our time here together was just for fun? Brian, we’ve been through so much together…shared secrets with one another that no one else knows."

"Justin, we agreed going into this that it was no big deal. I don’t do relationships. I told you that in the beginning," Brian said softly, knowing that he was probably hurting the blond, but also knowing that he didn’t have a choice. 

"But I thought…I mean, I guess I just assumed…"

"That I would change my mind because we fucked a few times?" The words hurt Brian as much as they were hurting Justin, but they needed to be said. Not only were they miles apart in years, the difference in experience was too big to ignore. Brian was a grown man with a job, a loft, and a son. Justin was still a kid, fresh out of high school. He may have lived through a lot of shit, but not enough to bridge the gap between them. Besides, Justin still believed in love and relationships. Brian had given up on those dreams while still living under the same roof as Jack Kinney.

The pain Justin was feeling by Brian’s brush off was suddenly replaced with overwhelming anger. How dare he turn what they had, and they did have something, into just a few fucks? He jumped out of bed, pulling his clothes back on quickly, trying to get away from Brian as fast as he could. "You know what? Forget it! Go ahead…go back to your life and forget all about me. I was just a convenient fuck to get you through your six weeks of hell, right? I’m glad I could be of service to you!"

 

Brian was startled by the sudden change in Justin. "Justin, wait a minute."

"Fuck you, Brian. I’m sorry I ever agreed to this! I’m sorry I ever allowed myself to get close to you! I’m sorry I ever fucking met you!" Justin was out the door before Brian could reply, slamming the door on his way.

"That went well," Brian said to the empty room.

After Justin left Brian’s room, he wandered the halls a little lost in thought. In 24 hours Brian would be gone, leaving Justin all alone. It was the same feeling he had after he came home from the hospital. His boyfriend had disappeared and with the exception of Daphne, so had everyone else he had considered his friends. Now Brian had become his safe haven and the thought of losing it was almost too much to bear. 

Brian wasn’t sure if he should go after Justin or not. The kid had to realize they weren’t some happy hetero couple hiding together from the world. Another week and Justin would be out as well. They’d both be living their own separate lives again. It was better to just say good-bye now then promise to call and never pick up a phone. Justin was a complication in Brian’s life that he couldn’t afford to have in the outside world. No one could possibly understand the connection they shared. Brian was so involved in his own thoughts that he didn’t even hear anyone enter the room until he was pulled into a strong embrace.

"Shit Mikey, you scared me," Brian exclaimed once the shock had worn off.

"Sorry Bri, I figured you had seen me enter the room. I was standing right in front of you," Michael responded.

"Well, I didn’t. I’ve had a lot on my mind."

"Like getting out of here and coming back home. The nurse in the lobby told me you were getting sprung tomorrow. Why didn’t you tell me?" Michael whined.

"Because I didn’t want to say anything until it was a sure thing. Plus I don’t want to be bombarded by the well-meaning family until I’ve had a little time to myself. So do me a favor and don’t tell anyone. I’ll do it in my own time."

"Yeah, like you did when you checked in?" Michael asked sarcastically.

"It’s my business and no one else’s."

"Fine but don’t expect me to stay away too."

"Don’t worry; I’ve already seen my fair share of miracles this year. Now go back to the professor and tuck each other in. I’ve got to take care of some things before I leave the premise."

"Are you seeing the boy before you go?" Michael asked tentatively.

"Maybe, but he’s one more topic I don’t intend on discussing. So nightie night Mikey and I’m sure I’ll see you soon," Brian said and leaned over to give him a chaste kiss.

Justin had finally gotten sick of walking in circles and decided that he would never rest unless he saw Brian one more time. His pace slowed to a crawl as he approached Brian’s room. The door was only half closed and opened completely after Justin’s gentle nudge. Peering into the room, Justin was welcomed by complete silence. Brian’s almost full suitcases lay open on the floor, waiting to receive the final few items. Quietly Justin entered the room, his fingers lightly grazing the bedspread as he headed for the closet. Most of the hangers had been emptied, which was exactly the way Justin felt inside. The floor of the closet was still covered with stray shirts and jeans. Justin reached down to pick up a t-shirt and held the material to his nose. He inhaled Brian’s unique scent, feeling almost dizzy from the wonderful aroma. He was just about to put the shirt back when he noticed the top of a bottle sticking out from under the rest of the clothes. Leaning down, Justin tossed aside the other materials to expose the practically full bottle of Jim Beam. Justin stumbled back in surprise.

Although the more logical part of Justin’s brain was begging him to leave it alone, the other side had never been so thirsty for a shot in his entire life. Brian had obviously partaken in it for at least part of his stay in rehab and still managed to succeed. Maybe Justin could do the same thing and take just enough to get through the loneliness. A few sips and Brian’s departure wouldn’t be so bad anymore. Before Justin could analyze the situation any longer, he had somehow grabbed the bottle and was in the process of unscrewing the top. His heart began to beat faster as it anticipated the soothing liquid. The bottle was at his lips, when a booming voice startled him from behind.

"Put the fucking bottle down Justin. You can bet your tight little ass I’m not gonna let you ruin everything you’ve worked for over one tiny sip. It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it," Brian stated angrily.

Justin jumped, startled by the voice echoing through the room. "What do you care? You’re as good as gone, remember?" He brought the bottle back to his lips, only to have it pulled away before the first taste.

"Justin, you don’t really want this. Think about what you’ve been through in the last year? Do you really want to go back? Do you want to go back to being that person who hurt Molly again?"

Justin sighed at the reminder and sat down on the bed. "I just don’t know if I can do this on my own, Brian. You’ve been here since the beginning, helping me through. Once you’re gone I don’t know if I can keep it up."

"That’s bullshit, Justin!" Brian exclaimed. He noticed the way Justin jumped at his tone and took a deep breath; calming himself before he continued. "Look, you can do this. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Hell, if it wasn’t for you, I would have been drinking my way through my whole recovery. It’s because of you that I can honestly say that I’ve been clean and sober."

Justin looked into Brian’s eyes and saw the sincerity in them. He’d wondered about Brian’s drinking ever since the day he found him with the bottle, but never saw any signs of alcohol after that and refused to ask him outright. "You really think so?"

"I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t," Brian replied honestly. 

"I’m sorry I queened out before. I guess I just thought…I thought that we were becoming friends and would stay in touch after all this was behind us. You’re one of the few friends I have left. The ones from school gave up on me once I started drinking and using. The ones since then were never really my friends to begin with. They just liked having someone to get high with." Justin couldn’t help but think back to all of his so called friends with disgust.

Brian heard the anguish in Justin’s voice and wanted to offer him some kind of reassurance. "Well, maybe we can get together sometime."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Pittsburgh isn’t that big. I’m sure we’ll run into each other from time to time; especially since the bar scene’s out for us. There aren’t that many other places to go."

Justin took Brian’s words for what they were; his way of saying that they would indeed see each other again. He’d have to hold on to those words to get him through until he was out again and saw what happened. Brian was right. Pittsburgh wasn’t all that big and he’d make sure their paths crossed again. "Well, then I guess this is good bye for now."

Brian knew that he should just say good bye and let Justin walk out the door, but something inside of him prevented him from doing that. "What’s your rush? We still have the rest of the night."

"What did you have in mind?" Justin asked, a wicked smile spreading across his face.

Without replying, Brian pulled Justin to him, taking his lips in a soft but passionate kiss. Any thoughts he might have had about sending Justin away died when Justin parted his lips allowing Brian to slip inside. Most of their encounters since the first time had been hot, fast and animalistic, but this time was different. It was almost as if the thought of being apart was causing them to take their time to enjoy each other in ways that they didn’t seem to need before. Brian slowly pulled off Justin’s shirt before nudging him on his back and reaching for his pants. Once Justin was undressed, Brian removed his own clothes and climbed up on top of Justin, taking his mouth once again.

Justin ran his hands softly down Brian’s back, taking the time to feel every bone, every muscle. He refused to allow himself to think that this could be the last time he ever held the older man in his arms. There was no urgency in their pairing, and by the time Brian finally entered him, Justin thought he would go crazy with want and desire. Brian’s thrusts were slow and tender, causing their prolonged orgasm to take them higher than ever before. It took Justin a long time before he came back down and was finally able to speak.

"That was…incredible."

"Were you expecting anything less?" Brian asked, teasingly.

"No, not from you," Justin replied, feeling his eyes begin to tear as thoughts of the following morning tried to force their way in.

"Don’t worry, Justin. You’ll be just fine," Brian tried to assure him as he held the blond close.

"We both will," Justin whispered. 

They stayed alone in Brian’s room for the rest of the evening, talking about the future but deliberately avoiding any discussion of their relationship or lack of one. Brian finally drifted off, but sleep wasn’t as easy for Justin. Instead he lay there into the early morning hours, watching Brian and wondering what would happen in the future. As the sun started coming up, Justin silently slipped out of bed, throwing on his clothes and taking one last look at Brian before heading back to his room. He couldn’t stay there anymore. He knew he couldn’t be around as Brian packed the last of his things and walked away. It would just be too hard.

When Brian awoke the next morning, he wasn’t surprised to find himself alone in bed. He was actually relieved. Knowing how upset Justin was by his departure, he didn’t want to have him there while he was getting ready to leave. It would just make leaving that much harder. Jumping out of bed, he made his way into the shower then finished packing his things. Once that was done, he walked down to Chuck’s office for his final one on one.

"Hey Brian, are you all ready for the big day?" Chuck asked as he saw Brian standing in the doorway.

"I’ve been ready since the day I walked in here, Chuck," Brian replied with a smile as he sat down in the vacant chair.

"I wouldn’t say that, but I do think you’re ready now. How are you feeling about going back out in the world?"

"Okay, I guess. It’s strange though. I never realized how much my world revolved around drinking and drugs until I thought about what I was going to do when I got out. I guess Woody’s and Babylon are out, huh?" Brian joked.

"Uh…yeah, I think they’re definitely off your agenda. Do you have any other ideas on what to do with your free time? Aside from the meetings, of course."

"I haven’t really thought about it too much. I’m hoping to work things out with Lindsay and see my son more, but other than that, who knows?"

"Well just remember that the meetings are the most important thing right now. Don’t think that you don’t need them; they’re part of the program, too," Chuck reminded him.

"I know, I know. Anything else or am I free to go?" Brian asked anxiously.

"You’re free to go. Just take care of yourself, Brian; and remember, one day at a time."

"Words to live by, Chuck. Thanks, it’s been fun, "Brian said sarcastically with a smile.

"That it has, Brian." Chuck reached out and shook Brian’s hand, wishing him well before watching him walk away. He said a silent prayer, just like he did every time one of his patients walked out the door, hoping that Brian would make it through.

Brian went back to his room and called a cab, then waited until he saw it pull up before grabbing his things and making his way outside. As he climbed in the back, he felt a shiver run down his back; the tell tale sign that Justin was close and turned around to see the blond standing by the door watching him go. Their eyes met briefly and Brian hated the pain and loneliness he saw there. He smiled slightly at the blond before closing the door and giving the driver his address. It was time to move on to the future and he was more than ready.

Justin tried to stay away, but he knew he needed to see Brian one last time before he left, even if it was from afar. He walked down the hallway in time to see Brian leaving the building and went to stand by the door to get a better view. Suddenly Brian turned and their eyes met, causing a lump to form in Justin’s throat, but he couldn’t look away. Seeing Brian smile at him was worth the pain of watching him go. Once the cab was out of sight, Justin slowly made his way back to his room to rest. It had been a long sleepless night and all he wanted to do was sleep away the day, if not the next week.

Brian slowly pulled back the loft door, taking a deep breath before walking inside. He looked around, noticing nothing had changed, but yet feeling as if everything was different. He’d called his cleaning lady a few weeks before asking her to dispose of all the alcohol and he’d used up the last bit of his stash on a bender before signing himself into rehab. The loft was alcohol and drug free for the first time ever. Dropping his bags off in the bedroom, he went over to the answering machine and hit play, listening to the voices coming through the small speaker as he went to the refrigerator.

After that was done, he went and sat down at his computer, staring at the blank screen. He felt so out of sorts; almost as if he had nothing left in his life. His world always revolved around drugs and/or alcohol in some capacity. He finally booted up, ignoring his email, just sending off a note to Gardner letting him know that he would be back to work in a couple of days. He needed something to fill his days and work was the only thing he could think of to keep him busy. Taking a deep breath, he got up from the desk and headed into the bedroom, grabbing his bags on the way. Unpacking took all of thirty seconds, causing him to get the faint scent of the blond on his discarded clothes. He knew he needed to stop thinking about the pain-filled blue eyes before he drove himself nuts, so he laid down on his bed, hoping to find solace in sleep. Soon after, he drifted off into oblivion, thankful for the break in reality.

Some time later, he woke up and spent the day going through all the email that had been waiting for him and just trying to keep busy. He watched a couple of movies, read a book and even cooked himself dinner. By 9:00 he was in bed for the night, hoping that he’d eventually be able to live his life again without dying of boredom. The next morning, Brian awoke to the sound of someone knocking on the door. He briefly thought about ignoring them, but knew that whoever it was wasn’t likely to go away. He climbed out of bed, pulling on his jeans and staggered towards the door, trying to shake the cobwebs from his sleep-ridden brain.

"Mikey, what the fuck are you doing here?" he asked as he opened the door and came face to face with his best friend. 

"I…uh…came to warn you," Michael replied hesitantly.

"Warn me about what?" Brian asked, although the look in Michael’s eyes said it all. "How long do I have before they get here?"

"Probably about twenty minutes. I happened to let it slip at the diner that you were due home yesterday. Ma got it into her head that you needed to have a welcome home party. I tried to stop her, but you know how she is," Michael explained quickly.

"Yes I do…which is why I told you to keep your fucking mouth shut!" Brian barked. He should’ve known better than to trust Michael’s word.

"I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to…it just…kind of came out."

"Well you might as well come in and wait for the others. I’m going to go hop in the shower and hope for a strong blizzard to sweep in and keep everyone away; although your mother tends to be like the mailman…through rain, sleep, snow, or hail…"

Brian turned and walked away without another word, trying to push away the anxiety he felt knowing that the gang was on their way. Why all of the sudden they care when they all turned their backs on him before rehab was beyond him. He knew he’d have to face his fucked up family eventually, but hoped he would have a couple of days to get his bearings straight first. He took a long hot shower, trying to relieve some of the tension in his shoulders before the confrontation, but by the time he turned off the water he was anything but relaxed; especially after hearing the voices coming from the living room. He dressed casually in jeans and a sweater, pulling on his favorite Prada boots before slowly entering the room to see the whole gang waiting for him. Debbie was the first to approach him.

"Brian sweetie, you’re looking good. Give me a hug," she said as she approached him with enthusiasm.

"Honey, Debbie’s right. You look fabulous," Emmett added quickly.

Pretty soon everyone had greeted him and conversation around the room seemed to steer towards the local gossip instead of how great he looked. He noticed that Lindsay was there but there was no sign of Melanie or Gus. He waited until the attention was off him and made his way over to the blond.

"Where’s your worse half?"

"She had to work. She sends her love," Lindsay replied.

"Oh I bet. What about my son? Did he get a job while I was away?" Brian asked sarcastically.

"He’s…uh…I left him…with Dusty," she stammered.

"What? Why?" he questioned before reality set in. "Oh, I know. I’m still an alcoholic drug addict not good enough to be around my own son, right?"

"Brian, that’s not fair. I was only trying to protect him. In time I’m sure we could work something out for…"

"In time? Oh, I get it. You want to wait and see if I can make it clean and sober, right? I have to prove myself before I’m allowed anywhere near my son!" Brian exclaimed, losing what little control he had.

"Brian…" Debbie said, sensing Brian’s anger.

"That’s what you’re all doing here, isn’t it? Coming here to see if it’s possible that I might have actually changed? Fuck this! Everyone in this room aside from Mikey turned their back on me months ago. I wasn’t good enough to get the time of day from you people. Now all of the sudden you come over here like everything’s fine while each one of you is waiting for me to fuck up!"

"Brian, that’s not what we’re doing," Lindsay said quietly.

"Brian Honey, we just wanted to see how you were doing," Emmett assured him.

"You didn’t give a shit how I was doing six weeks ago, so don’t fucking bother now! I’m going out!" he yelled, grabbing his keys off the counter. "And when I get back, I expect you all to be gone!"

With that, Brian stormed out of the loft, leaving everyone inside, stunned by his outburst. He walked quickly to the jeep without a destination in mind, so he was surprised when he found himself on the freeway heading towards Pleasant Valley. He wasn’t sure why, but for some reason the thought of seeing Justin was all he could focus on.

Rehab had been bad enough before but with Brian gone, the days seemed to drag on. Justin didn’t know what to think of the way they had said good-bye and he had all the time in the world to focus on it. He obsessed over it in-between his one on one sessions and group therapy. Damon was the only one who could momentarily distract him with his crazy stories and lewd jokes. All Justin wanted was to see Brian again and the chances of the beautiful man coming back to visit were slim to none. Justin’s greatest desire was to succeed in his sobriety and leave the facility as soon as his six weeks were up. Then Justin could go, find Brian, and force him to admit Justin was more than just a convenient trick. There was no way he was the only one that felt it. If only Justin could see him one more time, he knew he could convince Brian to at least just see what happens.

After a particularly long group session, Justin was restless and headed out to the garden. He paced back and forth; frustrated by the lack of control he had over his own life. He felt ready to scream and might have if he hadn’t been interrupted by a friendly voice.

"Hey Justin, I was wondering where you disappeared to. I know Alice can run on at the mouth but it’s nothing to send yourself into exile over," Damon asked.

"I’m not in exile."

"Bullshit, you only come out here when you want to be alone or alone with Brian. Since I know option number two is no longer available, I’m assuming you’re just out here avoiding the world."

"So what if I am? You have no idea what my life has been like. I deserve a little piece and quiet every now and then," Justin snapped angrily. 

"You think I can’t understand that? Jesus Justin, you don’t know me. I care about you, I really do, but you’re not the only one with problems here. Did you actually think I went to group for the hell of it? Ask yourself why I haven’t shared anything yet. Maybe because I haven’t been ready yet to go down that path," Damon responded passionately.

Justin was shocked by the emotion in his friend’s voice. Damon had always been so even keel that Justin had never even thought to question how he had ended up in rehab. Now he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know.

"Damon, are you ready to talk about it now? To me?" Justin asked tentatively.

Damon hesitated for a moment, unsure whether he could really trust Justin with the past he had managed to keep hidden from everyone, including Chuck. They knew all about the drugs, of course, but not how he had gotten started in the first place. Damon took a deep breath before speaking.

"I was fifteen when I started using. It started with small doses of uppers but eventually escalated to cocaine, heroin, and ecstasy. Anything we could get our hands on to numb the pain."

"We?" Justin asked.

"Yeah, me and my little brother James, although I always called him Hunter. Lucky for him, he ran away a couple years back before I switched over to the hard and more addictive shit. She just wanted us in a comfortable haze as much as possible so we wouldn’t fight back or be less cooperative with the clients."

"What clients?" Justin asked his voice barely above a whisper.

"You’re a smart kid Justin; don’t tell me you haven’t figured it out already."

"You can’t be, no that’s not it. Is it?"

"If you’re trying to ask if I was a hustler than the answer would be yes. And if you’re wondering who the ‘she’ is in the story, it was our mother. She was an addict herself and used her sons to help pay for her habit, as well as all of the bills. Once Hunter disappeared, Mom had to work me harder and I began to need the drugs more to get through every day. It got to the point where each night I was taking hits and fucking strangers. The night I ended up here I had been lucky enough to trick with a businessman who didn’t appreciate a tweaked out Twinkie dying on his hotel room floor. He called an ambulance and after detoxing there, I was sent here. I’m not even sure if my mom knows I’m here. Once I get out, I have nowhere to go. I can’t go back to living that way, not with a clear mind," Damon choked out.

"We’ll figure something out, I promise," Justin assured him.

Gently he touched Damon’s shoulder, causing him to look up, and pull the young man into his arms. Damon nuzzled his face into Justin’s neck, inhaling his innocence. Justin pulled him even closer, stroking his back with the pads of his fingers. Justin’s eyes drifted closed for a moment, crying inside for all that Damon had suffered. When they opened again, they came in direct contact with pain filled hazel eyes. He blinked, certain he must be dreaming, but there was Brian just inside the glass doors and then he was turning and hurrying away.

"Brian?" Justin whispered.

"What?" Damon asked in confusion, as he pulled away. He turned around just in time to see Brian’s back disappear around the corner. 

"You should go after him," Damon suggested.

"Why? He obviously wasn’t here to see me." Justin said sadly.

"Or maybe he was and misread the situation."

Justin shook his head.

"Even if he did, Brian wouldn’t care."

"Oh he cares all right. That’s one thing I don’t doubt and neither should you. Go find him before it’s too late," Damon said, nudging Justin toward the door.

Justin smiled gratefully and darted into the building. He rushed as quickly as he could to the front lobby but Brian was gone by the time he got there. He had no other option than to return back to his room and wait for the week to be over. Then he would find Brian all on his own and be able to explain.

Brian didn’t stop moving until he was seated in his car outside. He was breathing heavily and couldn’t seem to get his body under control. He couldn’t believe what he had just witnessed but there was no other explanation. Brian was hardly gone and Damon had already succeeded in winning Justin away from him. He didn’t know why that hurt so much but it did. Brian gunned the engine, wanting to get as far away from Pleasant Valley as he could. Unfortunately, he really had nowhere else to go. The only other person who could possibly understand what he was feeling he had left behind and had obviously moved on.

The next few days dragged on for Justin and then it was finally time to leave Pleasant Valley. His mother had wanted to pick him up but Justin had insisted on taking a cab home. He needed the extra time to adjust and think about what he was going to do next. Justin had arranged with Chuck for out patient care once a week and received a warm hug on his way out of the office. It surprised him how far they had come.

Damon was waiting for Justin outside, smoking a cigarette nervously. The hardest part of leaving was knowing Damon would have to stay behind. He still had at least another week before he was discharged. Justin had already mentioned to his mom that he might have a friend staying with them for a little bit, so it wasn’t like the two boys were really saying good-bye. 

"Shit Justin, I’m really going to miss you," Damon said, his voice shaking as he spoke.

"You too Damon, but you don’t have much further to go and I’ll be coming back to take you home before we know it."

"You really sure about that?"

"Of course. That’s what friends do for one another. Plus it’ll be nice to hang out with someone other than Daphne."

"And Brian," Damon added.

"I’m not so sure about that."

"Just give him a little time and he’ll come around. He’d be a fool not to," Damon said smiling.

"I’ll tell him you said that," Justin chuckled.

"You do that," Damon replied.

Damon pulled Justin into a tight hug, not letting go until the beep of the cab pulled them out of their moment. Justin loaded up quickly and jumped into the cab. As Justin drove off, he turned to wave one more time. Damon waved back and continued to do so until the cab was out of sight.

Meanwhile Brian had spent the last two days trying to keep himself busy and not focused on a young blonde who would be showing up in Pittsburgh within the next day or two. His usual forms of pain management would involve a trip to Woody’s or Babylon but those were out of the question with his new clean regiment. After rearranging the loft, going over some paperwork Vance had sent over, and watching most of the movies he owned, Brian was running out of things to distract him. The last thing he wanted was to see any members of his Liberty Ave family. He hadn’t felt such a strong pull to liquor or drugs since a few weeks after entering Pleasant Valley. In all honesty, he had been so engrossed with Justin that he hadn’t even thought about taking anything during his last few weeks there. 

It was almost 10pm on a Friday night and Brian was crawling out of his skin. He couldn’t stay in his loft one second longer. Making a split second decision, Brian grabbed his coat and rushed out the door. Shortly after that, he found himself driving on Liberty Ave and pulling up to what looked like an abandoned old building. Brian parked his car in back and entered the building. He walked past a few rooms, until he came to an open door where he could hear voices drifting into the hallway. Brian quietly walked in and took a seat in back. A man was just stepping up to the podium.

"Hi everyone, my name is Hank and I’m an alcoholic," the man said.

Brian greeted him with the rest of the audience and waited for the man to continue. Brian had come too far to revert back after only one week. At least here people would understand what he was going through.


	6. 6 Weeks

***This is a collaboration with Meredeth!***

* * *

Justin watched anxiously as the cab pulled up outside his house. After paying the driver and grabbing his bags, Justin made his way through the front door running into his mother as she rushed to greet him.

“Justin, I’m so glad you’re home,” she said as she hugged him tightly.

Justin let her hug him, slightly thrown by her excitement. It wasn’t as if he just returned from back packing around Europe. He was in rehab for Christ’s sake. “Hey, is Molly here?”

“No, she went to a friend’s house for dinner and won’t be home until later. Here, let me help you get your things upstairs,” Jennifer said, reaching for his bags.

“That’s okay, I can manage,” Justin replied, heading towards his room.

“Oh…okay. Are you hungry?”

“No, I just want to be alone for awhile,” Justin mumbled.

Jennifer watched him go, willing herself to give him some space. He’d been through so much in the last year. She just hoped that he’d be okay in time.

Justin walked through his bedroom door, his eyes immediately finding the corner where Molly’s accident happened. Memories raced through his mind; images that he’d been trying to ignore for the last six weeks, and Justin shook his head to rid himself of them as he dropped his bags on his bed. He began unpacking, hoping that by keeping busy he wouldn’t have to think about things. Once the bags were unpacked and put away, Justin threw himself on the bed and stared at the ceiling, wondering what was next. He had no job, no school and nothing that required getting out of bed each morning. He talked to Chuck about it before he left and was advised to start planning his future, but that advice didn’t help him at the moment. Sighing in disgust, Justin rolled over and eventually fell asleep only to be woken up by his mother a short time later.

“Honey,” Jennifer said as she gently nudged Justin’s sleeping form. “It’s almost dinner time. Why don’t you get washed up and meet me downstairs.”

“Mom,” Justin groaned. “I’m not hungry. Can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Justin, you’ve been gone for six weeks. Can’t you spend a little time with your own mother?”

“Christ!” Justin exclaimed, suddenly irritated with his mother’s nagging. “I was in fucking rehab. It’s not like I was on vacation. Do you want me to tell you all about it? About the nightmares and the withdrawal? About waking up in a cold sweat, puking my guts up and praying to die? Is that what you want to hear?”

“Justin,” Jennifer gasped in horror.

“Please, just leave me alone,” Justin pleaded.

“Justin I know this isn’t easy for you, but it’s time to try to put this family back together again. I’ll leave you alone for now, but Molly’s going to be home soon. She’s anxious to see you again so I hope you will refrain from having an outburst in front of her.”

Fear coursed through him at the mention of Molly and suddenly Justin needed to get away. Jumping up and grabbing his sneakers, he ignored the strange looks his mother was giving him.

“Where are you going?” she asked as she watched Justin grab his jacket.

“I…uh…have to get out of here. I have some things I have to take care of,” he explained, noticing the pained look on her face. “Not those kinds of things, Mom. I’ve been clean for six weeks. I’m not about to fall off the wagon on my first day out. I’m not sure when I’ll be back.” Justin reached for his backpack and hurried out of the house without looking back.

After walking around for hours, Justin still had no idea where he was going. He walked the streets, wishing there was someone he could talk to, someone who would understand what he was going through. He thought of calling Daphne, but since his stay in rehab things between them had changed and he didn’t feel as comfortable with her as he used to be. There was really only one person he felt he could talk to that would understand. Noticing how late it was, Justin was sure that Molly was home by then. He wasn’t ready to face her just yet. He didn’t want to see the look of fear that might be in her eyes. Fear that her brother could hurt her again, the way that he had six weeks earlier. Making up his mind, he pulled Brian’s address out of his bag thankful that he’d been able to sneak the information off Chuck’s desk and began making his way towards the one person who might actually understand him.

As he entered the building, he saw the stairwell and slowly started walking up the steps, trying to decide what to say to the older man. Once he was outside the door he took a deep breath before knocking. When no one answered, Justin sighed disappointedly and tried to decide what to do next. Nothing came to mind so he sat down in front of the door waiting for Brian to come home, fighting the fatigue that was threatening to over take him.

Brian was exhausted when he got back home and all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep until noon. Talking about his feelings was tiresome and uncomfortable so trips to AA always ended in both a sense of relief and one of vulnerability. His desire though was thwarted when he reached the top of the stairs and focused in on the sleeping man curled up in front of his door. He practically dropped his keys in shock at the sudden appearance of his rehab companion. He was so engrossed with the drama of seeing Justin and Damon together that he had completely forgotten Justin was scheduled to be released today. Why wasn’t the boy at home making nice with his mother and little sister? At least from the peaceful look on his face, Justin appeared to be clean and Brian was grateful for that. Mask firmly in place, Brian reached down to shake Justin awake.

“Hey Justin, come on and wake up. What are you doing here? It’s time for you to go home.”

Justin mumbled in his sleep and rolled onto his other side, completely oblivious to the hand on his shoulder. Brian raised his voice a bit, shaking Justin more forcefully.

“Justin, wake up. You need to go home.”

Justin’s eyes blinked open, taking a few moments to adjust to the light in the stairwell.

“Brian?” he asked softly.

“Yeah Sunshine, who else? Were you planning on sleeping in front of some stranger’s door instead?” Brian asked with a sigh.

“No, I forgot for a second where I was. Are you just getting home now?” Justin asked, glancing down at his watch.

Brian nodded his head.

“So where were you?” 

“None of your business,” Brian snapped.

“Jesus Bri, I’m not trying to start anything with you. I was just a little worried because it’s so late and most places open at this hour are filled with people getting drunk or high,” Justin explained.

“And you assumed I was one of them,” Brian stated coldly.

“No, that’s not it at all. I’ve been out less than a day and already I’m a fucking mess. I can only imagine what you’ve been going through this past week. Obviously it was hard enough that you felt the need to return to Pleasant Valley. I just don’t understand why you didn’t come in and say hello to me. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. You should probably go home. I’m sure your mommy’s worried.”

Justin shook his head adamantly.

“I can’t go home. Molly will be there by now. I’m not ready to see her. You’re the only one that could possibly understand why.”

“Why don’t you go call Damon?” Brian suggested, his voice had a slight edge to it.

“But Damon doesn’t know me like you do. He’s my friend but that’s all he is. You were there when I was strung out and needed comfort. I have no idea what you think you saw at Pleasant Valley but I haven’t been intimate with anyone since you left a week ago. I came here tonight because there was nowhere else I felt safe and no one else who could possibly understand what I’m feeling. No one but you,” Justin practically whispered. The fight seemed to have left his body all at once, leaving him worn out and emotionally drained. 

Brian noticed the change and although he believed Justin’s story, he was too exhausted himself to fully deal with it. Not knowing what else to do, Brian opened his arms which were immediately filled with a trembling blonde boy. He lightly stroked the hair at the nape of his neck and whispered nonsense words that he would deny to his dying day. They held each other for a long time, neither saying a word and just enjoying the closeness they both missed so desperately. When Justin pulled back, Brian could see the confusion in his eyes and knew there was no way he could turn him away.

“Justin, why don’t you stay here tonight,” Brian said, grabbing a hold of the blonde’s arm as he tried to walk by, “on the couch.”

“The couch?” Justin asked, confused.

“I’ve had a rough night and I just need a little sleep, which I will never get with you in my bed. So let’s get some much needed rest tonight and tomorrow we can talk more before I bring you home,” Brian explained.

“I told you, I can’t face her,” Justin insisted.

“Yes, you can and I’ll be there just in case,” Brian reassured him, lightly stroking Justin’s cheek with the palm of his hand.

“You’d do that for me?”

“To get you out of my loft, hell yeah,” Brian said to lighten the mood. Justin smiled slightly and moved over to sit on the couch. Brian grabbed a couple of blankets and a pillow from a nearby closet and placed at the other end. He was about to head into his bedroom, when Brian couldn’t resist leaning down to tenderly kiss Justin’s lips good night. The kiss only lasted a few seconds but it was enough to give both men something to dream about and Justin drifted off to sleep, thoughts of Molly finally leaving his mind for the first time all day.

The next morning Brian was up and showered before Justin had even opened his eyes. Brian almost laughed remembering the pure exhaustion he had felt after his first day out of Pleasant Valley as well. The boy resembled an angel curled up on his side, his hand clutching the pillow. And suddenly all of the anger and fear of betrayal didn’t seem that important anymore. Things had gotten rough and Justin had come to him, just like Brian had done a few days before. It had to mean something. Justin needed him and all of the questions about Damon would have to wait.

When Justin woke up he seemed to sense the change in Brian and decided to go with the flow. He figured if Brian wanted to talk about Damon than he would. Until then Justin had to focus on his own problems which were a lot more real then Brian’s petty jealousy.

Justin sat in the jeep staring out the window as he thought about what he was going to say to his sister. Of all the people he’d hurt through his addiction, the one that he was most sorry about was Molly. She was just a kid and looked up to her older brother for guidance through the years. He had let her down so many times in the last year and hoped that he’d be able to make it all up to her.

“Are you alright?” Brian asked, noticing how quiet Justin had become.

Justin jumped slightly at Brian’s voice. “What? On yeah, I’m fine. I’m just thinking about things.”

“Justin, you can’t change the past. It’s over now and there’s no going back. All you can do is make sure that history doesn’t repeat itself. You need to put it all behind you and move on. Once you do that, everyone around you will too. Including Molly,” Brian assured him, placing a comforting hand on Justin’s thigh.

“I know...I just hate what I did to her. She’s an innocent little girl and I hurt her because I was too fucked up to think straight. I…” Justin’s voice trailed off when he saw Brian glaring at him out of the corner of his eye. “Okay, you’re right. It’s time to look forward, not back.”

“Exactly. Now where the hell am I supposed to turn?” Brian asked, effectively changing the subject.

Once Brian parked the jeep outside Justin’s house, they climbed out and slowly made their way inside. 

“Mom, I’m home,” Justin called out as he closed the door behind them.

“Honey, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick. I thought…” Jennifer stopped her questions as soon as she noticed the older man standing with Justin.

“Mom, this is Brian. We met in rehab. Brian, this is my mother, Jennifer Taylor,” Justin said as he made the introductions.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Taylor,” Brian said as he offered his hand.

“Uh…you too, Brian. Justin, may I talk to you in the kitchen please?” Jennifer said before walking away, giving Justin no other choice but to follow.

“I’ll be right back, Brian. Have a seat.” Justin left Brian in the living room and joined his mother in the kitchen. “What’s up?”

“What’s up? Why don’t you tell me? You disappear on your first night home without even telling me where you’re going. Then when you finally do show up, it’s with a man almost twice your age,” Jennifer replied angrily.

“Twice my age? Mother, he’s only like twelve years older than me if that, but I’m sure he’d love to hear your version. What’s the big deal? We met in rehab and really hit it off. He helped me out a lot in the beginning. I don’t know how I would’ve made it without him,” Justin explained.

“Well, then I’m glad you had him, but you’re not in rehab anymore. Do you really think it’s wise to be around someone like that?”

“Someone like what, Mother? An addict? In case you’ve forgotten, I’m an addict, too. Brian and I are friends and you’re just going to have to accept it. Now I came home to see Molly. Is she up in her room?” Justin asked, refusing to discuss Brian any further.

“Yes she is, but…” Jennifer’s voice trailed off as Justin left the kitchen.

Brian saw Justin walk back in the room and stood up quickly. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. She just tends to forget that I’m an adult,” Justin explained before calling upstairs. “Molly, I’m home.”

Justin saw Molly walking down the stairs a few moments later and hated the uncertainty he saw in her eyes. She paused several times as she made her way toward him.

“Hey Mol, how’re you doing? Did you miss me?”

“Uh…yeah. Mom said that you were here last night but then left again,” she replied quietly.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I spent the night with a friend. Would you like to meet him?” seeing her nod her head, Justin held out his hand and waited until she grasped it before leading her over to Brian. “Molly, this is Brian.”

“Hi Molly, it’s good to meet you. Justin has told me a lot about you,” Brian said softly, noticing the apprehension in her.

“He did?”

“Yes he did. You were all he could talk about most of the time,” Brian assured her.

“He was gone a long time. I didn’t know if he was going to come back.”

“Of course I was coming back,” Justin said. “I wouldn’t go away and not come back to see my favorite sister.”

“I wasn’t sure. I know that Mom was mad when I got hurt. I thought that maybe you were mad at me for getting you in trouble. I didn’t mean to,” she almost whispered.

“Molly, it wasn’t your fault. I got myself into trouble. It had nothing to do with you. I’m sorry that you got hurt because of me. You know I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose, don’t you?”

Molly nodded her head as her eyes watered up and her bottom lip quivered. The sight made Justin want to cry. He felt horrible for the change in her and hated that he caused it.

“I’ll be right back. I have to run to the bathroom,” Justin said as he left the room. He just needed a few minutes by himself.

Once he locked himself in the bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror and tried to push away the self-hatred he felt over what he had done. A year ago if Justin had been gone for six weeks, Molly would have thrown herself into his arms the moment she saw him again. Now all she could do was watch him through worried eyes and Justin hated it. He splashed some cool water on his face and pulled himself together before going back to join the others. Before stepping into the living room, he heard Brian and Molly talking and hung back, listening to their conversation.

“So Justin is all better now?” he heard Molly ask.

“Yes, he was sick for a little while but he’s all better now,” Brian assured her.

“I heard my mom say that he wasn’t the same Justin that he used to be. Does that mean he’s different? Cause I liked the old Justin.”

“I don’t think she meant it quite like that.” Brian laughed at Molly’s innocence. “Justin is the same person he always was. He’s just even better now because he’s not sick anymore. He’s still the same brother that loves you and wants to be there for you. You have nothing to worry about anymore. He’s going to be just fine, I promise.”

“Mom was really upset when I got hurt. I told her on the way to the hospital that it wasn’t his fault, but she wouldn’t listen to me. I thought that she sent him away because of me and I didn’t want that. I don’t want him to go away cause I miss him when he’s not here. He’s not going to go away again, is he?”

Before Brian had time to respond, Justin walked back into the living room and made his presence known. “No Molly, I’m not going away again. Everything’s going to be okay now.”

Molly turned towards her brother and threw herself into his arms. “I’m glad you’re still the same Justin, only better. I love you, Justin.”

“I love you too, Mol,” Justin replied, holding his sister tight. He glanced at Brian mouthing thank you to the other man, finally feeling as if everything was going to be okay.

After that, Molly seemed to be her old self again and the three of them sat around laughing while Molly replayed the events of the last six weeks. She joking blamed Justin for leaving her to do his chores and told Brian some of the silly things Justin used to do. Brian enjoyed listening to the easy banter between the siblings, comparing it to the hostility that he and Claire shared. Eventually their fun was halted when Jennifer appeared in the doorway.

“Is anyone hungry? I could make something to eat,” she asked, focusing on her children and not the man who showed up with Justin.

“No thanks Mom. Brian and I are going out to get something to eat,” Justin said before returning his attention to Molly. “I’ll be back later. Are you going to be here? We can watch a movie if you want.”

“My choice?” she asked.

“Anything you want,” Justin promised.

“I’ll be here,” Molly replied excitedly.

Justin hugged his sister once more before making his way towards the door. He turned to see Molly hugging Brian and smiled at her words.

“Will you come back and see me again?”

Brian was surprised by Molly’s question and glanced at Justin for help. Seeing Justin beaming at him as he nodded his head, Brian turned his attention back to the little girl in front of him. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Yeah!” Molly cheered, her smile matching her brothers.

“I’ll see you soon, Munchkin,” Brian said, placing a kiss on Molly’s cheek.

Once Brian and Justin were in the jeep, heading towards the diner, Justin couldn’t help but tease Brian.

“You’re just an old softy.”

“Hey, who are you calling old?” Brian asked in mock anger.

Justin laughed at Brian’s expression, but sobered quickly. “Thanks for talking to Molly. I really appreciate it. I had no idea what to say to make her understand. You helped to take away her fear.”

“How much did you hear?”

“Enough to know that you’re an old softy,” Justin giggled.

“Twat,” Brian replied with affection “And I’ll have you know there’s not a soft bone in this body.”

Justin reached over and grabbed Brian’s crotch for inspection. “I’ve felt it harder.”

“Well keep touching it and see what happens. I just don’t want to hear you complaining when you’re in the back seat with your heels over your head and your stomach growling,” Brian teased.

Justin pulled his hand away quickly. “Oh no, you promised me food.”

“Then keep your hands to yourself little boy,” Brian warned.

For the rest of the ride, Justin kept his hands to himself, although it wasn’t easy. Brian’s threat of the back seat sounded like heaven to him, but he wasn’t going to push it. He and Brian were having a nice day and Justin had a feeling that a quick fuck would cause Brian to shut down again and that wasn’t a part of Justin’s plan. 

They had agreed on the Liberty Diner once Brian had checked his watch and figured there was a very slim chance of running into any of the gang this late in the afternoon. Mikey had mentioned Deb was mostly working mornings and the dinner shift. So he was shocked when they entered the diner and his eyes immediately locked with Mikey’s across the room.

“Brian, I’ve been worried sick about you!” Michael exclaimed, jumping up from his table to give him a hug. Ben sat back and watched to see how Brian would react to the assault. Brian reluctantly returned the embrace, awkwardly patting Michael’s back a couple of times before gently pushing him away. Michael was disappointed by the shun but that changed to confusion when he caught sight of the young man standing next to his best friend.

“Justin, right?” Michael asked and received a nod in return, “I remember you from Pleasant Valley. I didn’t realize you lived around here. That’s pretty convenient for you and Brian.”

“Good to see you again Michael. You’re right, I was definitely lucky to find someone that I could talk to and spend time with outside of rehab. It’s an experience that only those people who lived through it could really understand,” Justin replied.

“I think that’s often the case with people who go through traumatic life altering experiences together. It bonds them in a way that can be long lasting and very therapeutic in healing the broken soul,” Ben suggested, standing up from the table. Justin looked over at him confused.

“Sorry, I haven’t introduced myself yet. I’m Ben, Michael’s partner. You must be Justin, Brian’s friend from Pleasant Valley. Michael told me all about meeting you when he went to visit Brian. I think all of us were a little amazed to hear that Brian had actually been talking to another person outside of the bedroom,” Ben chuckled.

“All of us?” Brian asked Michael, daggers shooting out of his eyes. Michael’s eyes were downcast as he shifted his weight back and forth between his two feet.

“I had to tell them something after you ran out of the loft the other day. They were worried that you might be shutting everybody out and I wanted them to know that you had at least one person you were talking to. I mentioned meeting Justin and then Lindsey had met him too so she added her own bit information as well. I really didn’t think you’d be seeing him again so there was no harm in telling anyone,” Michael explained.

“Well you were wrong. Now if you’ll excuse us we’d like to order some lunch to go,” Brian replied.

“I thought we were staying?” Justin asked.

“Change of plans. Now take a look at the menu so we can order and get out of here.”

Brian’s voice was firm, which caused Justin to jump into action. Quickly scanning down the menu he gave his order to the first waitress he saw. Brian didn’t even bother looking at the menu, requesting his usual once Justin had finished speaking. There was a tense silence as the four men stood not far from the front door. Ben was the first to break the stand still.

“So Justin do you go to school?”

“Yeah, actually I’ll be starting at PIFA next semester. I had my enrollment deferred so I could deal with some personal issues. I’m an artist.”

“That’s great, PIFA is the perfect school for that. I’m sure Brian’s told you that Lindsey is an artist as well.”

“No, he hasn’t really told me much about her,” Justin replied, knowing that was a person Brian wasn’t particularly fond of at the moment. He glanced over at Brian, noting the grim expression on his face. Just when they thought the situation couldn’t get more uncomfortable, a booming voice called out from the back of the diner.

“Brian, there you are you little shit. What the hell happened to you last week?” 

Brian visibly tensed and plastered a fake smile on his face before turning to face Debbie.

“I wasn’t in the mood to get interrogated in my own home so excuse me for leaving to get some privacy,” Brian stated.

“Well what did you expect? You fucking disappear for six weeks and we have to find out from Michael where you went. Then you finally get your ass home and shut us out all over again.”

“I had my reasons and you should respect my privacy.”

“Tough fucking shit. We’re a family and you tell your family when you’re in need of help. I don’t expect any less from you,” Debbie pushed.

“Maybe he doesn’t have to live up to your expectations. The only ones that should matter are his own. So back off and give him a little space while he tries to reclaim his life,” Justin said insistently. The forceful young man took Debbie aback. Looking him up and down she couldn’t help but notice how fucking adorable the kid was, even when he was being a rude little shit.

“Who the fuck are you?” she asked.

“That’s Justin,” Michael informed her.

“Oh yes, Lindsey’s description was right on. You don’t understand, it’s only because we love him so fucking much.”

“Then you should respect his wishes more and support him, not smother him,” Justin said.

“Don’t bother Justin, you can’t teach a dog new tricks,” Brian quipped, actually touched by Justin’s need to protect him.

“All right Kid, I’ll bite. How about I back off now if Brian comes by for dinner tomorrow night?” Debbie addressed Justin.

“You got a deal,” Justin replied swiftly. Brian immediately grabbed him by the arm, shaking his head in response. Justin lowered his voice so only Brian could hear him.

“Come on, this way you’ll be prepared instead of blindsided. I’ll even come with you.”

“You will?” Brian asked.

“Of course, you did it for me,” Justin said sweetly, lightly brushing their fingertips together. Brian couldn’t help but smile back.

“Fine, we’ll be there. Make sure there’s an extra chair for Justin,” Brian said casually as he turned back to the others and reached out to grab the take out bags. Dropping the cash on the counter, Brian said his quick good-byes and rushed out of the diner, Justin in tow.

Debbie watched them go and let out a loud laugh when the door clanged shut behind them.

“I really like that kid. He’s a hoot! Definitely a keeper,” Debbie chuckled and got back to work. Ben and Michael didn’t know what to think.

By the time Brian and Justin walked into Debbie’s the next day everyone was already there. Brian made the introductions and Justin couldn’t help but notice the questioning looks that he was receiving. Justin was especially surprised at how happy Debbie was to see him. He figured after their little confrontation at the diner the woman would want nothing to do with him. Quite the opposite happened. She was constantly hugging him in a death grip and squeezing his cheeks like he was five. Lindsey, on the other hand, was quiet and kept her distance. Maybe she was expecting Justin to take her head off again like he did at Pleasant Valley. Everyone else seemed to be more in awe of him than anything else. He was beginning to suspect Brian Kinney rarely brought company to family dinner.

On his way back from the bathroom Justin noticed a kid sitting off to the side, lost in his own little world and wondered if he had met him somewhere before. He seemed very familiar. Before Justin had time to react, dinner was served and everyone headed to the table. Once the plates were filled, Brian asked the question that had been plaguing him since they arrived.

“Who’s the kid?”

“Oh that’s right. You haven’t heard. That’s Hunter; Ben and I are his foster parents. Hunter, sit up straight. This is Brian and Justin,” Michael said, beaming at the boy.

“Yeah, I know. I do have ears, you know,” Hunter replied sarcastically.

Brian smirked at the chip on the boy’s shoulder before turning back to Michael. “Jeez, I leave you alone for six weeks and you end up with a kid,” he teased.

“Yeah, well Hunter was in some…uh…trouble and didn’t have anywhere to go so Ben and I took him in. He’s a good kid,” Michael said.

“Ben and Michael, Ma and Pa. Who would have thought,” Brian laughed.

“Now don’t you start picking on them. I think what they’re doing is great. It shows responsibility and maturity; something that I was beginning to think Michael would never have,” Debbie said sincerely.

“Thanks a lot, Ma,” Michael whined 

“Well Michael, there is more to life than Captain Astro,” she replied.

“Leave him alone, Sis. His love for comics is a real money maker if the shop sales are anything to go by,” Vic pointed out in Michael’s defense.

“As his accountant,” Ted began. “I have to say that sales have almost doubled since Buzzy retired. Who would have thought that Little Michael could turn out to be such a good business man?”

“All those years at the Big Q are finally paying off,” Brian joked.

“Alright you guys, stop picking on Michael. He’s not only a good business man, but a good foster Dad and a great partner,” Ben said, putting him arm around Michael in support.

“Thank you Ben,” Michael said as he kissed his partner.

“I just call them like I see them.”

“Christ, all this lesbian shit is making me ill,” Brian said dramatically.

“Brian!” Lindsay and Mel exclaimed in simultaneously.

Brian just laughed as he continued to eat, actually enjoying the family gathering with Justin by his side.

Justin listened to the conversation between all of them, all the while wondering if Hunter was who Justin was beginning to suspect him to be. Once he heard the name he saw the resemblance and began to think it was more than coincidence. Deciding that he needed to know, Justin waited until dinner was over and Hunter went out back before quietly slipping away to follow him.

“Jimmy?” Justin asked as he approached the boy.

Hunter turned around in shock. “How do you know my name?”

“I’m a friend of Damon’s,” Justin explained. “He’s been very worried about you.”

“Fuck that! He wasn’t worried about me when we were living together so he shouldn’t bother now. Tell him I said to fuck off!” Hunter replied angrily.

Justin sighed, saddened by the anger that Jimmy had for his brother. When he realized who Hunter was, Justin had hoped to be able to help Damon out by reuniting the brothers. “Yeah, I’ll make sure to pass that information along to him once he’s out of rehab,” Justin mumbled as he walked back towards the house.

“He’s in rehab?” Hunter asked quietly. “Why? I mean, what happened?”

“That’s his story to tell. Why don’t you call him and ask him yourself?” Justin suggested.

“I…don’t know.”

“Look Jimmy,” Justin started.

“Its Hunter now,” Hunter spat.

“Right, Hunter. That’s what Damon said he used to call you. Look, Damon has a lot of issues he’s dealing with right now. One of them is feeling guilty about your disappearance. He’s worried sick about you; wondering if you’re still alive. I know that everything can’t be fixed overnight, but one phone call wouldn’t hurt. If things don’t work out, then all you wasted was a few minutes of your time,” Justin reasoned.

“I’ll think about it,” Hunter replied softly.

“That’s all I ask,” Justin said.

Neither one of them noticed Brian standing off in the shadows.

Hunter was just turning to walk back into the house, when he noticed Brian standing directly behind them.

“Jesus, you scared me,” Hunter exclaimed, backing up a bit.

“I was just wondering where the two of you had disappeared to.”

“We have a friend in common,” Justin said simply.

“So I heard, care to tell me what Damon has to do with anything?” Brian asked in annoyance.

Hunter could sense the tension radiating off Brian and thought it best to excuse himself from the situation. With a mumbled good-bye to Brian and a promise to Justin to talk at another time, he went back into the house. Justin watched him go, waiting until the door closed behind him before directing his attention to Brian.

“Do you want to get going soon because I think we’ve both had some long days. It might be nice to go back to the loft now and get reacquainted,” Justin hinted suggestively, hoping Brian would let the prior conversation drop. Luck was not on his side.

“How about you tell me a little more about your little friend Damon first? Like what the hell Mikey and Ben’s little foundling has to do with him and why you care so much?”

“Brian, why don’t you just drop it? I promised Damon I wouldn’t tell anyone about his past and I intend to keep my word. He’s not even here so why is this bothering you so much?” Justin asked in exasperation.

“Because you’ve only been out of rehab for three days and he’s already become the topic du jour at the dinner table.”

“We’re not even at the dinner table. Hunter and I were having a private conversation before you interrupted. I swear to you that it’s nothing to worry about. It doesn’t affect you or our association with one another. Damon’s a friend that, believe it or not, is worse off than both of us combined.”

“How do you expect me to trust you if you won’t tell me what’s going on?” Brian asked in a huff. Justin reached out to touch his arm but Brian was already backing away. Before he could utter another word, Brian opened the door and hurried into the house. Justin trailed behind, but wasn’t quick enough to catch him. By the time Justin had joined the others in the living room, Brian had already grabbed his coat and disappeared out the front door.

“Shit!” Justin shouted in aggravation, drawing the attention of everyone else in the room. Justin turned to look at everyone, slightly embarrassed by his outburst.

“Sorry, we just had a bit of a disagreement,” He explained quietly.

“Sure you did. That asshole can fly off the handle at the drop of a hat so don’t you worry about it Sweetheart. Just give him some time to cool down and he’ll be back to his normal surly self. In the meantime, I could give you a ride home if you want,” Deb suggested.

“It’s so like him to just take off and leave someone high and dry,” Melanie snorted.

“Probably on his way to getting his dick sucked as we speak,” Ted said.

“Or maybe he’ll stop off at Woody’s first for a few drinks,” Emmett added.

“Justin, how about we drop you off since we’ll be heading out soon anyways. It shouldn’t be too much of a problem,” Hunter piped in, looking questioningly over at his two guardians.

“Of course, it’s not a problem at all,” Michael confirmed.

The voices hardly registered with Justin who was too busy looking for his coat in the large closet. Once he had found it, Justin could finally focus on what everyone was talking about.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” he asked Hunter.

“I just thought you might need a ride home and Michael said it was all right so anytime time you want to go…” Hunter replied.

“Thanks Hunter, but I’m all set,” Justin answered and then directed his gaze to the rest of the room, “thank you everyone for a wonderful evening and I’m sorry to cut it short but I’ve really got to run.”

Justin was almost to the door, when Michael called out to him.

“But how will you get home?”

“Brian,” Justin stated simply.

“But he’s already long gone by now,” Michael explained.

Justin smiled back in response and was out the door without another word. He buttoned his coat and walked to the car that was still sitting out front. Brian sat in the driver’s seat, his forehead resting on the steering wheel. Justin quietly opened the passenger side door and sat down, waiting for Brian to speak. Brian took a few more moments and lifted his head.

“How did you know I’d still be here?” Brian asked.

“Where else would you go? Your sobriety means too much to you to risk it by going to a bar or club alone. And whether you want to admit it or not you do care about me, so I can’t imagine you just leaving me here.”

“I think there is a house full of people that would disagree with you on that one.”

“There’s also a house full of people that weren’t there when you were struggling for survival and learning to live a new way. I was there. I know you in a way that no one else does and that’s part of the reason why we can depend on each other, even when we disagree. You just have to let me in a little more,” Justin pleaded.

Brian stared into Justin’s eyes, reading the truth in them. He still couldn’t get control over his feelings about Damon but it was his problem to work through. Justin didn’t owe him anything and maybe there wasn’t anything going on between them anyways. He had to believe that before it consumed him. Brian nodded his head in agreement and started the engine.

“Let’s go back to the loft. You’re not expected at home tonight, are you?” Brian asked.

“Nope, I’m all yours.”

Brian couldn’t suppress the smile that crossed his lips at that statement. Pulling away from the curb, he realized tonight might be salvaged after all. 

Meanwhile, several faces pressed up against the window watching the car leave. Everyone had expected Justin to walk back in and take up Michael’s offer of a ride home. They were in complete shock that not only was Brian waiting outside but also Justin had known he would be.

“I’ll be damned, the kid was right,” Deb proclaimed.

“What do you think is really going on between those two?” Lindsey asked.

“Don’t know, but he seems to be the only one that can get close to Brian nowadays. I wish it was me but thank god he has someone,” Michael commented.

“He just needs some time to adjust to everyone. Brian will be back to his old self soon enough,” Deb responded.

“Or maybe he’ll be someone completely new and we’ll be the ones that have to adjust. Brian’s a different person now and that’s not such a bad thing. Rehab might have been the best thing to ever happen to Brian, not only is he sober but now he has Justin in his life too,” Lindsey stated.

Everyone was silent as they thought about what Lindsey had just said and what it meant for their fucked up little family.


	7. 6 Weeks

This is a collaboration with Meredeth. Sorry it's taken so long, crazy coordinating of schedules and all. Next chapter WILL be out much quicker:)

* * *

Neither spoke a word on the way back to the loft, both consumed with their own thoughts. Justin was trying to figure out how he could build Brian’s trust without sacrificing Damon’s. It really had nothing to do with the older man but he suspected Brian’s crap about “not doing jealousy” was just that, crap. This relationship, as tenuous as it was, meant a lot to both of them. It was just taking Brian a little longer to realize it. On the other hand, Brian was still upset about Damon and had to find some way to convince himself to drop the subject or lose Justin. And for some reason the later option bothered him more than he wanted to admit. 

They were still silent when they arrived at the loft and took the elevator up to Brian’s floor. Justin waited patiently as Brian unlocked the door and slid it open. Once they were both inside, Justin turned to face Brian expectantly.

“Well?” he asked.

“Well what?”

“Jesus Brian, what the fuck did you bring me here for if you weren’t going to at least attempt to talk to me about what happened at Deb’s?”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about. I figured the reason you’re here was pretty obvious, don’t you think?” Brian said with a leer.

Justin sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I assumed that was a part of the equation as well but don’t you think we should talk about why you felt it necessary to leave in such a huff? All I did was have a conversation with someone that didn’t involve you. What’s so wrong with that?”

“Nothing, I just don’t understand why everything has to revolve around Damon. What the hell does he have to do with Mikey’s little hustler?”

“I’m sorry Bri but I really can’t get into it with you. Why don’t you tell me instead why it bothers you so much?”

“No, I don’t want to talk anymore. No more stupid questions. Come here,” Brian said, beckoning him over.

“This doesn’t solve anything,” Justin stated, as his lips turned up in a smile. Little by little he inched his way over to Brian, until they were standing less than a foot apart.

“What did I say about talking?” Brian replied and pulled Justin the remaining way into his arms. Before Justin could say another word Brian’s demanding lips silenced him. They were both on fire, after being apart for what seemed like forever. All coherent thought was out the window and all that now existed was the delicious friction between them. Justin wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck, allowing himself to be dragged in the direction of the bedroom.

“God, you taste good,” Justin muttered under his breath. Brian continued to attack his neck, nipping gently at his soft flesh. Justin could feel the chills running up and down his spine from the contact. Before he even knew what was happening, Justin was laying down naked in the middle of the bed with Brian leaning over him. Brian’s eyes were glazed with lust memorizing every detail of the man beneath him. Their lips met again fiercely. Justin grabbed onto Brian’s shirt, jerking it above his head in one swift motion. Their lips parting only long enough to remove the offending material. Brian’s jeans were next to go, leaving both men naked and wanting.

Brian grabbed a condom and lube from his bedside table and quickly prepared the beautiful blonde spread open for him. The moment Brian slid inside the tight hot tunnel of his lover, Brian felt a peace he hadn’t experienced since his last night at Pleasant Valley. They moved together in perfect unison, Brian’s cock easily finding Justin’s sweet spot. Justin’s moans got louder as Brian sped up his thrusts, culminating in an earth shattering orgasm for both of them.

Brian carefully pulled out, dropping the used condom into the nearest trashcan. He flopped back onto the bed in exhaustion and allowed Justin to curl his body around him. Brian could feel Justin’s heartbeat as it steadied, all energy draining from both of their bodies. Although a part of Brian wanted to push the boy away, there was also a feeling of contentment when the pale arms encircled his waist. He finally felt safe, free from judgment. Now that was something he never knew could exist.

The next morning the boys woke up to the loud ring of Justin’s cell. Their limbs were so entwined that Justin almost missed the call. He was out of breath when he answered a breathy hello.

“Shit Justin, I can’t believe you’re still asleep. It’s almost noon,” Damon exclaimed into the phone.

“Damon? Hold on a sec,” Justin replied and eased himself out of bed. Brian’s eyes were still closed but he knew the brunette was awake and listening to every word. Once Justin was seated in the living room, he put the phone back to his ear.

“All right, I can talk now. What’s up? I figured I wouldn’t hear from you until right before you got out.”

“That’s not for a couple more days and I’m already going insane here without you. Last night they brought in some C level actress/model on crack. The whole place is buzzing about it but I don’t really give a damn. She’s a complete head case and absolutely impossible to detox. All of the goddamn heteros want to take it easy on her. Thank god for Chuck or she’d still be high as a fucking kite. I need to get out of here soon or I’ll need to be sentenced to a padded room,” Damon pleaded.

“Don’t be so melodramatic. You’ve got less than a week and I’ll be picking you up. It’s gonna fly by.”

“Easy for you to say now that you’re back in the real world. So whatcha been doing since you were sprung?”

“Not much. Just seeing my mom and my sister, trying to make arrangements to go back to school, taking a lot of walks, going to meetings. That’s about it,” Justin answered nonchalantly.

“Bullshit, what about Brian?”

“What about Brian?”

“Oh don’t be so coy, my friend. You must have seen him by now. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were with him right now.”

Justin remained silent.

“Holy shit, you’re with him right now, aren’t you?” Damon said with a laugh.

“None of your fucking business. I gotta go but we’ll talk again before I pick up your sorry ass,” Justin said in a hurry. Things were confusing enough with him and Brian without adding someone else’s opinion into the mix.

“Fine, you win this time Blonde Boy but you won’t get off so easily the next time I see you.”

“Yeah, whatever. Go to group or something. Bye.”

Damon said his good-byes and hung up. Justin was a little frazzled and that feeling surely didn’t go away when he looked into the bedroom and caught Brian’s scowl. 

“What?” Justin asked in exasperation.

“I’m not even going to say it,” Brian said with bitterness and headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

“Brian!” Justin called out but got no answer. He walked through the bedroom and knocked softly on the door.

“Come on, Brian. Open the door. It was just a phone call.”

There was still no answer; all he could hear was the sound of the faucet running. Justin grabbed his clothes and quickly got dressed, ready to knock on the door again when it opened. Brian exited, freshly shaven.

“Mmmm, you smell good,” Justin whispered in a sultry voice.

“Not gonna work,” Brian replied tersely.

“Well, if it doesn’t work now then maybe I can try again sometime soon. When can I see you again?” Justin asked hopefully. He was not going to let one phone call ruin his chances of a repeat performance.

“Don’t know. I’ll call you.”

Realizing that he wasn’t going to get much further than that today, Justin gave Brian a quick kiss and headed for the door.

“Brian, don’t give up on us. I definitely won’t.”

And then Justin was gone, leaving Brian to figure out what the hell had just happened and why it had bothered him so much.

Brian had finally given in to Mikey and agreed to meet the guys at the gym. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to hang out with his old crowd, but figured it had to be better than calling Justin. It had been a few days since the blond walked out of his loft and even though Brian had reached for the phone a couple of times, he managed to refrain from actually placing the call. His feelings for the younger man were too confusing to deal with at the moment and he needed more time to work things out in his head.

As he ran on the treadmill, Michael, Ted, and Emmett by his side, his eyes surveyed the room and came to rest on a certain blond off to the right by the stair masters. Whatever he was feeling at the moment of recognition, he still wasn’t sure, quickly turned into anger and dare he say jealousy when he realized that Justin wasn’t alone. Some muscle queen was hanging all over him, touching him in places that he shouldn’t be touching and whispering in his ear. Brian tried his best to ignore them, but he wasn’t able to tear his eyes away from the scene before him. He was vaguely aware of Michael talking to him, but couldn’t make out what was being said over the humming in his ears.

“Brian? What the hell’s the matter with you?” Michael called out.

“Huh?” Brian said, finally looking over at his friend.

“I asked you what you thought I should do about Ben. Where the fuck was you?” Michael asked angrily.

“I’m right here, Mikey. I heard every word that you said,” Brian lied, stealing another glance over at Justin and the muscle queen.

“Oh yeah?” Michael questioned. “Then what do you think I should do?”

“What the fuck do I care what you do? If you have a problem with Ben, find a way to work it out and leave me out of it,” Brian barked.

Michael was taken back by Brian’s bitterness. “You know Brian; ever since you’ve come back you’ve been different…”

Michael’s words faded into the back of Brian’s mind as he saw the muscle queen place his hand on the small of Justin’s back as he began to lead him away. All rational thoughts left as Brian jumped off the treadmill and made his way quickly towards the pair.

“Well, isn’t this cozy,” Brian stated as he confronted Justin.

“Brian? What are you doing here?” Justin asked surprise evident in his features.

“It’s a gym. What do you think I’m doing here?” Brian replied bitterly. “The question is what are you doing?” The glare he sent the queen’s way was enough to make the man see that something was going on between the two men before him.

“Uh…I…guess I should go,” he stammered, refusing to put himself in the middle of anything.

“Good idea,” Brian agreed.

“Wait a minute,” Justin spoke up. “I thought we had plans.”

“Yeah, well…I don’t want to cause any problems. I’ll see you around.” The queen saw the look of pure hatred in Brian’s eyes before adding, “Or not.”

Justin watched the guy walk away before turning back towards Brian in fury. “What the fuck was that for?”

Brian didn’t reply. Instead, he grabbed Justin by the arm and dragged him towards the locker room without looking back in the direction of his friends. A voice in his head told him he was over reacting, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself as he grabbed his bag out of his locker, never once letting go of Justin’s arm.

“Brian, let me go,” Justin demanded as he tried to pull away, but the grip Brian had on him was strong and he couldn’t shake it. “Brian!” Seeing the look on Brian’s face confused Justin and he resigned his fate. He was going with Brian, whether he wanted to or not.

Michael, Ted, and Emmett watched the show before them in shock. They weren’t sure what was going on between the two men, but it was obvious that Brian had a problem with Justin getting attention from someone else. Once they were out of sight, Emmett broke the silence.

“What do you suppose that was all about?”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that the great God Kinney was jealous,” Ted offered with a smirk.

“Brian doesn’t do jealous,” Michael replied weakly.

“Then what just happened?” Emmett prodded.

“I don’t know,” Michael sighed. “But whatever it was, I almost feel sorry for that kid.”

The three men continued to stare at the doorway that Brian had just dragged Justin through for another minute before getting back to their workout, each one of them lost in their thoughts, trying to understand the scene they just witnessed.

Justin was getting real tired of the silent treatment every time Brian got upset with some imaginary offense he committed or jealous of another guy that meant nothing to him. He wanted to be with Brian but the way things were going it seemed that Brian Kinney would never admit to how he felt about anything. There was only so much mind reading he could do before he just gave up on the infuriating man. It felt like a broken record as he followed Brian into the loft.

“You know you almost pulled my arm out of the socket when you dragged me out of there. You wanna tell me why?” Justin questioned.

“Why is everything always a question with you?” Brian asked annoyed.

“Because you never make any goddamn sense. It’s like I’m a fucking yo yo the way I go in and out of your life. If you would just let me understand what is going on in that head of yours than I would keep my mouth shut and we wouldn’t have to continue this dance of ours. Can’t you just admit there’s something going on between us?”

Brian looked flustered as he grabbed a water from the fridge, practically downing it in one gulp. He looked over at Justin, who waiting patiently for a response.

“You know what, maybe I shouldn’t have brought you back here. I’m going to take a shower. I stink.”

Brian started to head for the bathroom but Justin’s voice stopped him.

“Can I come back tomorrow? Maybe we can talk then,” Justin said hopefully.

Brian stared at Justin for a moment before responding. Slowly he nodded his head.

“Yeah, I think we could do that.”

As Brian disappeared into his bedroom to undress, Justin finally felt that he had made some headway with the beautiful man. He knew realistically neither man should be looking for a relationship so soon into recovery but there was a connection between them that he refused to let go of. Jerking the door open, Justin came face to face with Damon’s little brother.

“Hunter? What are you doing here?”

“Actually I was looking for you. I figured Brian would know best how to reach you.”

“Then I guess today’s your lucky day. What can I do for you?”

Hunter nervously bit his lower lip, trying to get up the courage to ask what he really wanted.

“Actually can we go somewhere and talk?” 

“Sure,” Justin replied and stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. He was so focused on Hunter that he never realized Brian had been watching them from the bedroom. Brian entered the shower, his mind going a mile a minute trying to figure out what Mikey’s foundling could want with Justin. If only he could focus on something else but Justin seemed safer than alcohol. At least that’s what he used to think. They were both turning into addictions, as far as he was concerned.

Hunter and Justin walked on the sidewalk to a nearby park, making random small talk until Hunter was ready to open up. It took nearly half an hour before Hunter blurted out what he came to say.

“I want to see Damon. Actually that’s not entirely true. I need to see Damon. I have so many questions that only he can answer. Do you think he’d be OK with me visiting him at that rehab place you mentioned?” Hunter asked hesitantly.

“You don’t have to worry about that because he gets out tomorrow.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m going to pick him up myself. He’ll be staying with me at my mom’s house until he figures out what his next move is.”

“He’s not going back to our mom’s place?”

“No, that’s not really a safe place for him to be, especially not when he’s in recovery. I don’t think I need to tell you how unhappy he was there.”

“No you don’t. My memory is crystal clear. So maybe in a couple of days, once he’s settled in, I can stop by?”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Justin said with a smile. He was about to say more when the ringing in his pocket interrupted them. Justin looked down at the display and smiled even brighter when he saw who was calling.

“Damon, that better be you because I am not in the mood to talk to anyone else from that place.”

“No need to worry, it’s just me. You’re still coming to get me tomorrow, right?” Damon asked.

“Of course, I said I would. Just make sure all your shit is packed because I’m not staying any longer than I have to.”

Both boys laughed and Hunter couldn’t help but smile knowing his brother had found a real friend.

“Shit, it’s time for my meeting with Chuck. I gotta run but I will see you bright and early tomorrow.”

“You got it. Tell Chuck I said hello. Oh, and Damon…”

“Yeah?” Damon replied.

“I have a surprise for you when you get out.”

“It better be nine inches cut.”

“It’s better, I promise. See you tomorrow,” Justin assured him and ended the call. The second he hung up, Hunter was asking a million questions about rehab and what Damon had been through. Justin patiently answered all he could, without giving away any of Damon’s secrets. He figured it was up to Damon to share his own story when the brothers were reunited. He was just so glad he was able to help.

As Brian got out of the shower and dried off, he couldn’t help obsessing over the connection between Justin and Hunter. The first time they met was supposedly at Deb’s but then why was Hunter going through all the trouble to track him down. The two boys had absolutely nothing in common, except this strange secret somehow tied to the illustrious Damon. How could the lovesick drug addict still be affecting his life when he was out and Damon was still locked away? And what the hell did it have to do with Hunter anyways? 

On top of that, Brian was still trying to understand what had caused him to react the way he did at the gym. He always told Michael to never go after anybody and what did he do? He went after Justin and dragged him out of the gym like some kind of fucking Neanderthal. The whole incident not only pissed him off, but confused the hell out of him too. He wasn’t sure what was going on anymore, but he knew he needed to think about it before Justin came back to talk. Dressing casually, he grabbed his keys off the counter and headed out of the loft. The last thing he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts. Before he knew it, he was pulling up outside of Mel and Lindsay’s house. Maybe spending a little time with his son was just what he needed.

“Brian,” Lindsay said in surprise when she opened the door.

“Is it possible to see my son?” Brian asked, trying to hide the uncertainty he felt.

“Uh, sure. It’s almost time for his nap, but he can spend a little time with his father. Come on in,” she replied, standing back to let the man enter.

Brian walked inside and headed into the living room where Gus was sitting on the floor playing with some toys. “Hey, Sonny Boy.”

“Daddy!” Gus cried as he abandoned his toys and raced to his father’s arms. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Sonny Boy,” Brian replied with affection. “What’re you up to?”

“I play wif my cars. Do you wanna play wif me?”

“Lead the way,” Brian chuckled as he put Gus down and allowed himself to be dragged over to the discarded pile of toys. If he were honest with himself, he’d have to admit that it had been awhile since he was sober enough to sit on the floor and enjoy his son. It was something that he rarely did.

Lindsay sat down on the couch and watched the interaction between father and son in awe. This was what she’d always wanted between them; a real relationship, not just Brian breezing in half loaded for a few minutes a week. She just hoped that this time his sobriety would last. She kept looking for signs that he was back to using but this wasn’t the same Brian of seven weeks ago.

A short time later, Gus’s fatigue was evident and Lindsay knew she had to intervene and put their son to bed.

“Okay Gus, its nap time now,” she said cheerfully.

“No! No nap! I wanna play wif Daddy!” Gus cried, turning on the tears.

Lindsay sighed and looked at Brian, hoping he would understand her silent plea.

“Gus, if Mommy says you have to take a nap, then you have to take a nap. How about if I take you upstairs and read you a story before I go?” Brian offered, noticing the relief in Lindsay’s face.

“Okay Daddy,” Gus agreed sadly. “Will you come back and see me soon?”

“Of course I will. Now let’s get this mess cleaned up so we can get to the story.”

Brian and Gus quickly cleaned up the toys and then headed upstairs. Lindsay thought of following, but decided to give them a little time alone. Instead she made herself a cup of tea and thought about the difference in Brian. She felt a sense of peace in him that she never noticed before and began to wonder how much of that peace came from Justin. She’d been shocked by the way Justin had attacked her while at Pleasant Valley, but had been more surprised when the blond showed up at dinner. Brian never brought anyone to the family dinner before. It was apparent that there was something going on between them and she wondered if she’d be able to get Brian to offer up any information.

A few minutes later, the subject of her thoughts made his way down the stairs.

“Thanks for letting me see my son. I’ll call before I come over next time,” Brian said as he reached for his jacket.

“I’m so proud of you, Brian,” Lindsay said as she approached him.

“You’d better watch out, Lindsay. You never know when I’m going to fall off the wagon and turn back into a monster,” Brian replied bitterly.

“That’s not fair. I was worried about you and I was trying to protect our son,” Lindsay said in her defense.

“Protect him from his father?”

“No, protect him from the person his father becomes when he’s drunk and high.”

“Linds, I would never let anything happen to my son,” Brian sighed in frustration.

“How can you be sure?”

“Because I’m not Jack. I would never let anyone hurt my son,” Brian growled.

“I’m sorry, but I had to be sure. I couldn’t let him be around you if there was even the slightest chance that something would happen. You of all people should know how things can happen when someone is under the influence,” Lindsay pressed, hoping that Brian would understand.

Brian’s mind immediately went to Justin and what happened to Molly while he was out of it. Under any other circumstances, Justin would never hurt his sister. The love they had for each other was obvious to anyone who saw them together, yet while he was using the pills, he managed to send her to the hospital with a broken arm. Maybe Lindsay was right to keep Gus away from him when things were at their worst. “Yeah, I guess I can,” he agreed.

“So, are we okay again?” she asked hopefully.

“Yeah, we’re okay. Things are…different this time, Linds. Everything is different. I’m not going to go back to using again this time,” he assured her.

“Good, because I like you better this way,” she smiled. “So, about Justin; what’s going on with you two?”

“I wish I knew. I’ve got to get going. I’ll call you next week,” Brian replied as he kissed her cheek and quickly made his way out of the house. Things between him and Justin were confusing enough without trying to explain it all to someone else.

The next day Damon was sitting out on the curb when Justin pulled up in his mom’s Toyota Camry. He was already up and grabbing his bags by the time the trunk was popped.

“Somebody’s in a rush,” Justin teased. Damon quickly deposited his bags inside and pulled Justin into a bone-crunching hug.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Damon said as he looked into Justin’s bright blue eyes. The last week had been practically unbearable without his friend and as the new cases came in he couldn’t help remembering his own arrival. All he wanted to do now was focus on the future and forget the last three years of his life. He couldn’t stop the chuckle that erupted from his gut when the car pulled up to the perfect suburban house. It was something out of “Stepford Wives”. 

“Well, I guess I don’t have to wonder anymore where your country club manners come from.”

“Shut the fuck up. Just for that you can get your own stuff. I’ll get the door for you though,” Justin said and gestured toward the door. True to his word, after popping open the trunk, Justin waited just outside the house for Damon to lug his bags up, a smirk firmly planted on his face. They were both laughing by the time they settled down on the couch and waited for Justin’s mom to come home. She breezed in the door only moments later, followed close behind by Molly. Both boys stood up to greet her. 

“Mom, I’d like you to meet my friend Damon who I told you would be staying with us for a bit. Damon, this is my mom and the brat behind her is Molly,” Justin stated.

Damon reached his hand forward and shook Jennifer’s hand. She was a little tense. Molly also took an immediate dislike to the stranger. She didn’t appreciate the way he was looking at Justin. It was the same way Brian looked at him and she really liked Brian. Molly was fearful that this new guy would come between her brother and the man that seemed to care so much for him.

“It’s great to meet you and thanks again for taking me in. It really means the world to me.”

“It’s not a problem. With any luck you’ll be on your feet in no time,” Jennifer replied politely, “Now if you boys will excuse me I’m going to see what we have left in the fridge for dinner. Justin, I might need you to go to the grocery store and pick up a few things. Would you mind helping me to make a list?” 

Rehab was supposed to bring her son back, not him and his group of drug addict friends. First Brian and now Damon, she wondered if Justin no longer knew anyone that wasn’t a recovering addict. She smiled again at her new houseguest before heading into the kitchen. 

“Yeah, sure Mom. Damon, I’ll be right back. Molly, why don’t you show him your room.”

“Do I have to?” she whined.

“Yes, now go.”

Molly trudged down the hallway to her room, Damon following close behind. Once Damon had entered the room, Molly shut the door and turned to look Damon in the eyes.

“What do you want with my brother?”

Damon was startled by the question.

“I don’t want anything. He’s my friend.”

Molly nodded her head.

“That better be all there is because if I catch you making googly eyes at him again and trying to come between him and Brian than you are in for some serious trouble Mister. Brian’s really nice and Justin belongs with him.”

“You’ve met Brian?” Damon asked confused. He knew Justin had seen the man but had no idea there had been a family meet and greet as well.

“Yes, he brought Justin home to see me. He makes googly eyes at Justin too, so don’t you try to mess it up.”

Damon tried not to laugh at the seriousness in her tone.

“I won’t, I promise. But what if Brian hurts Justin?”

Molly seemed to think about that for a moment before responding.

“He won’t.”

“Why not?” Damon asked in curiosity. 

“Because when you care that much about someone than you don’t hurt them and if you do then you try to make it better and they forgive you. That’s why Justy went away and came back. He wanted to make things better and he did. So even if Brian hurts him, it won’t last. And if it does, then I’ll let you know. But don’t hold your breath.”

“You’ve got a deal.” Damon agreed and reached out to shake hands with the young girl. Her sisterly concern made him miss his own brother. Maybe now that he was out and better they could start again. Molly’s forgiveness gave him hope.

An hour later, Damon and Justin were walking through the supermarket when Damon placed a hand on Justin’s arm, momentarily stopping him.

“Okay, now will you tell me what’s going on with you and Brian?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Justin lied as he tried to walk past.

“Come off it, Justin. Molly practically threatened me if I came between you two. She was like a fucking bulldog with a bone, so you wanna tell me how she knows our Dear Mister Kinney?” Damon asked.

“Not particularly. Remind me to punish Molly severely when we get home,” Justin replied dryly, trying to ignore the question in the air.

“I will, but for now you can just answer the damn question,” Damon prodded.

“I’m not sure, okay? We’ve seen each other a few times. He came with me to see Molly for the first time and I went to his family dinner with him. Other than that, there’s really nothing to tell,” Justin explained.

“So since you two got out, you two haven’t…”

“Once, but then things got weird again. I don’t know what’s going on with him. One minute I think I’m wasting my time and the next he’s acting like a jealous boyfriend,” Justin sighed in frustration.

Jealous? Brian? Damon knew exactly how jealous Brian could be. “Now this I have to hear,” Damon said with a smile.

They continued on with their shopping while Justin filled Damon on the incident in the gym. He was still baffled by the scene and was anxious to talk to Brian about it, but so far it hadn’t happened. Brian agreed to allow him to stop by, but so far his day had been busy with bringing his friend home. He planned on calling Brian when he got home and seeing if they could meet later that night. Once he finished telling the story, Justin looked over at Damon and found him grinning like an idiot.

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“It sounds like Mr. Kinney has it bad for you,” Damon replied honestly.

“I wouldn’t necessarily say that,” Justin said, although he was secretly hoping Damon was right. “Besides, if that was the case, there wouldn’t be a problem. We would just be together instead of running around in circles.”

“But that’s not Brian. I’ve known guys like him my whole life. He thinks love is bullshit and refuses to see what’s right in front of him. He’s too stubborn to give in to what he’s feeling, and will fight it every step of the way,” Damon explained.

“I don’t know…I really don’t think…”

“You don’t have to. Here comes Kinney now,” Damon said with a nod in Brian’s direction.

Justin turned around, surprised to see Brian standing in front of him. His brain raced with something to say, but nothing came to mind.

“Well, isn’t this the picture of domesticity?” Brian asked, hating the bitter tone in his voice.

“Hey Brian, how’s it going?” Damon addressed the older man before noticing the pure anger in his eyes. He quickly turned his attention back to Justin. “I’ll go grab…uh…the bread.”

Justin watched the strange look that passed between Damon and Brian before watching Damon disappear down the aisle. He sighed, sensing the animosity Brian had towards Damon. He had hoped it would’ve diminished once they were out of rehab. Shaking off those thoughts, he turned his attention to Brian.

“What are you doing here?” he asked innocently.

“It’s a supermarket, what do you think I’m doing here?” Brian growled. “I see your little friend is out. I’m sure he raced right over to see you once he was released.”

“He didn’t have to. I picked him up this morning. He’s staying at my Mom’s until he can figure out what to do next,” Justin replied honestly. He had nothing to hide.

“Well, that’s convenient,” Brian replied dryly.

“Brian, don’t even go there. Damon has nothing to do with us,” Justin said, getting tired of defending his friendship with the other man.

“Us?” Brian laughed bitterly. “There is no us, remember?”

Justin did his best to mask the hurt that Brian’s words had caused. “If there’s no us, then why do we always turn to one another when things get rough? And why did we have sex again just the other night”

“That’s just fucking and we’re friends, end of story,” Brian insisted yet somehow the words sounded hollow, even to his own ears.

“I see,” Justin replied. “So then what’s with the cock blocking at the gym? I mean it’s just fucking, right?”

Brian wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He still hadn’t figured out why he dragged Justin out himself, so there was no way he could explain it to the blond. “I gotta go.”

Justin watched Brian walk away feeling more confused than ever. A part of him wanted to just walk away and never see the infuriating man again, yet deep down inside, Justin knew that he wouldn’t be able to do that. Brian meant too much to him to just give up without a fight. He was so lost in thought that he never heard Damon come up behind him.

“So how did it go?”

“Typical Kinney fashion, of course. Hopefully it will go better tonight at the loft because I’ve had enough of his bullshit and this time I’m not taking no for an answer. I’m going to force him to admit that he cares about me whether he likes it or not,” Justin stated with more confidence than he felt.

“And how are you going to do that?” Damon asked with amusement.

“I don’t have a fucking clue,” Justin sighed in frustration. He had a feeling it was going to be a long night.


	8. 6 Weeks

*This is a collaboration with Meredeth. We had a lot of fun writing it together and hope you've enjoyed it as well.

* * *

Justin and Damon finished the shopping in relative silence and finally headed home. Justin’s mind kept replaying the scene between him and Brian and he was still unsure what to do next. As he pulled the car into the driveway, he spotted Hunter standing on the front steps waiting for them and smiled. He glanced over at Damon and saw the confusion on his face and laughed.

“Remember that surprise I was telling you about?”

“But…how…” Damon stammered.

“I’ll tell you later,” Justin assured him, lying a comforting hand on his arm. “Go say hello to your brother.”

Damon nodded his head in acknowledgement and slowly opened his door and climbed out, his eyes never leaving his brother’s face. He’d been waiting for this day for a long time, but a part of him wanted to run away from the confrontation. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle seeing the hurt and disappointment in Hunter’s eyes.

Hunter walked towards Damon, his heart racing at the sight of his brother. It had been so long since they’d seen each other and he’d almost given up on the chance of a reunion. “Damon? I…uh…you look good,” he finally said, breaking the awkward silence.

“Yeah…so do you,” Damon replied nervously.

“Justin told me that you were…getting out today. I was going to give you a little time to settle in but I couldn’t wait. I wanted to see how you were doing and uh…maybe talk, you know? About things,” Hunter stammered self-consciously.

“Yeah, I think that would be a good idea,” Damon agreed softly.

Justin slowly walked over to where the brothers were standing and smiled at them. “Hey Hunter, glad to see you could make it. You must have the same patience level as your brother. Shall we go in?”

The three of them made their way inside and Justin urged them to go up to Damon’s room and talk in private while he brought in the bags. His mother had entered the room and stayed silent until Damon and the other boy were out of sight.

“Justin, who is that?” she finally asked.

“That’s Damon’s little brother. They haven’t seen each other in a long time and were just reunited,” Justin answered.

“Really? And what part of this reunion was your doing?” She prodded with a smile.

“Well, I might have mentioned to Hunter that Damon was in rehab trying to put his life back together and that he wanted to fix things with his brother,” Justin replied shyly.

“You’re a good kid, Justin. I’m so glad you’re back,” Jennifer smiled, hoping that her son understood the double meaning. She was thrilled to have him home again, but even happier knowing that her loving son had returned from the darkness he’d been dwelling in since the bashing.

Justin reached out and hugged his mother tight. “It’s good to be back.”

Justin and Jennifer put away the bags of food, and then sat at the kitchen table, discussing Justin’s plans for the future. Jennifer tried to make a few suggestions, but when she saw the scowl appear on Justin’s face she backed off. He was an adult now, and she was going to have to let him make his own decisions and hope they were the right ones.

Damon sat on the bed across from Hunter with a smile on his face. “I’m so glad you’re not mad at me anymore,” he said softly. He and Hunter had finally cleared the air about their past and who played what role in what had happened.

“I was never mad at you, Damon. I was just hurt and confused. I still can’t believe that bitch did this to us. She never should’ve had fucking kids,” Hunter spat angrily.

“No, she shouldn’t of, but it’s over now. I’m not going to let the past get in the way of our future. Where have you been living?” Damon asked, ready to put the whole sordid mess behind him.

“Actually I’m been staying with these two great guys, Michael and Ben. I met them while I was turning tricks outside their apartment and they took me in. It’s because of them that I finally put that part of my life to rest. It’s also how I met Justin. Michael is a good fried of Brian’s. I take it that you met him while you were in rehab too?”

“Oh yeah, I know Brian,” Damon snarled. “He and I don’t really care for one another.”

“Well, I don’t really know him that well but from what I’ve heard he seems like an asshole. I just hope Justin doesn’t get hurt in the end. He’s been really good to me,” Hunter replied.

“Yeah, same with me,” Damon agreed.

Justin was sitting in the living room watching TV when Damon appeared in the doorway.

“Where’s your brother?” Justin asked when he saw that Damon was alone.

“He’s in the bathroom. Justin, I just want to say thank you for this. Hunter and I talked and worked everything out. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see him again and I owe it all to you,” Damon said, his voice thick with emotion.

“I didn’t do anything, really. I just made sure you were both in the same place at the same time. You guys did the rest,” Justin told him.

“You did more than that. Hunter told me how you encouraged him to give me a chance and I owe you big time. If there’s anything I could ever do to return the favor, all you have to do is ask.”

“I might just have to take you up on that,” Justin laughed, touched by Damon’s gratitude. “Now what do you say we watch some TV. Mom’s making dinner and Hunter’s welcome to stay if he’d like.”

“He’d like,” Hunter said as he entered the room. “What’re we watching?”

The three of them sat around watching TV and waiting for dinner. Neither Damon nor Hunter noticed Justin’s preoccupation as he thought about what he was going to say to Brian when he got to the loft. As soon as dinner was over, he was off to face the music.

Brian was fuming as he drove home to the loft. He couldn’t believe Damon was staying with Justin and the fact it bothered him so much made it all worse. He was on autopilot as he drove, not really seeing anything but the street in front of him. Brian wasn’t even sure what he was doing until he looked up and saw the liquor sign above his head. Not even thinking of the possible consequences, Brian walked into the store and left five minutes later with a large bottle of Jim Beam. It was time for a little pain management.

Brian’s mood hadn’t improved at all by the time he got home. Grabbing a glass, he quickly poured himself at least two shots worth of Jim Bean. He looked closely at the liquid; like it was the first time he had ever seen it. He inhaled the smell of the liquor, remembering the countless times he had consumed it by the bottle. Slowly Brian brought the glass to his lips and held it there. He tried to tilt the glass and force the liquor down his throat but something stopped him. One sip and he could end up going down the same destructive path with no one to stop him.

Frustrated by his lack of options in pain management, Brian threw the glass across the room and watched it shatter. For some reason, that noise made him feel better. So he grabbed another glass, filled it to the rim with Beam, and threw that as well. Then he reached for a stool and tossed it in the direction of the bedroom. He didn’t stop tossing furniture and ripping apart papers until the entire floor was covered in pieces of his life. That’s when the doorbell rang. Brian assumed it was Mikey, and buzzed him in immediately. His best friend could clean up after him. But when he slid the door open, the source of his mood was standing in front of him.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home playing house with Damon?”

“Cut the bullshit Brian and just let me in,” Justin insisted and pushed his way past Brian. Justin gasped as he took in the state of the loft, broken glass everywhere. 

“What the hell happened in here? Were you robbed?” Justin asked in shock and that’s when he saw the half full bottle of Jim Beam. Slowly he approached the counter and lifted the bottle, questions all over his face. Brian snatched the bottle back and dropped it haphazardly into the sink.

“It’s not what you think, Twat. I didn’t drink any of it. It’s all over the floor so don’t go calling Chuck and tattling on me. I was a little pissed off and needed to let out a little steam,” Brian explained.

“You wanna tell me what got you this upset?” Justin inquired.

“Not particularly,” Brian responded quietly.

“Could it be you were a little jealous when you saw me with Damon today?”

“No, why would I fucking care about that?” Brian said angrily.

“I don’t know. You tell me,” Justin demanded.

“Everything does not revolve around you, as much as you would like it to. Plus I’m not jealous. I just don’t like the guy. He’s so fucking arrogant and acts like he owns you or something.”

“Brian, he’s my friend but that’s it. There’s nothing going on between us. I swear to you. I’m just trying to help him get his life back on track. You want to know the truth about Hunter and Damon?”

Brian lifted his eyes to look into Justin’s and slowly nodded.

“Fine, the truth is that they’re brothers. Hunter ran away a long time ago but Damon was left behind to deal with even more abuse. Hunter was hurt at first because Damon couldn’t protect him. He had no idea how much attention Damon diverted to himself. I figured out the connection that night at Deb’s and just wanted to bring them back together. They saw each other tonight for the first time in over a year and it was amazing. I’m not a part of a big Damon conspiracy. I wanted to help both of them and that’s it,” Justin said honestly and gently clasped their hands together. Brian couldn’t contain the shock from his face.

“You’re the one I want to be with,” Justin continued, showing all of the love he felt in his eyes. Brian could hear the naked emotion in the words and suddenly the anger was gone, quickly replaced by fear. This conversation has gotten away from him and he wasn’t sure where it was headed now. It seemed to be getting dangerously close to a relationship discussion, which was not ready for.

“Who said I wanted to be with you?” Brian asked harshly. Pushing Justin away was the only thing Brian could think of doing to get him out of his current situation. Justin was thrown by the tone of his voice.

“Come on Brian, can’t we just…”

“No,” Brian interrupted, “we can’t just anything. I want you to leave. I don’t know where you got the impression that this was more than a friendship with some casual fucking thrown in. I don’t do relationships, so I think you should go. Now.”

Justin tried to see the truth in Brian’s eyes but there was a wall between them. He sighed in defeat and stumbled to the door. Without looking back, Justin opened it and softly called out to Brian.

“Fine, you win. Have a nice life.”

And then Justin was gone. Brian slammed the door behind him, certain he had made a big mistake but resolved to live with it.

Justin allowed the tears to fall down his cheeks as he drove home, not bothering to wipe away the evidence of his sadness. He silently entered the house and tiptoed with his head held down into his room. Damon had been on his way to the bathroom when he heard the door open downstairs. He stayed in the shadows until Justin had disappeared into his room. Damon’s heart went out to his friend when he noticed the tear tracks on his cheeks. Obviously Brian Kinney hadn’t gotten any smarter since he got out of Pleasant Valley and it was time Damon did something about that.

When Justin finally rolled out of bed the next morning, it felt as if he hadn’t slept at all, which in reality, he hadn’t. He had managed to drift off somewhere around five only to wake up again at eight. His mind kept replaying the scene at the loft the night before and he couldn’t stop the pain in his chest when he thought about the fear he saw in Brian’s eyes. He realized sometime in the early morning hours that it was fear forcing Brian to push him away, but it didn’t matter. It was enough to put a halt on whatever it was that was building between them and Justin needed to focus more on his future; the one without Brian in it. He made his way downstairs and was surprised to find Hunter there with Damon.

“I thought you left last night?” he asked groggily.

“I did, but I’m back,” Hunter replied with a smile.

“Hunter suggested we go grab some breakfast,” Damon said as he took in the dark circles under Justin’s eyes. 

Justin wasn’t the least bit interested in going out for breakfast, but knew that he needed to get out of the house. Sitting around moping about Brian wasn’t good for his recovery. “Alright, just give me twenty minutes to jump in the shower and we’ll go.”

“Cool, but we’ll give you fifteen. I’m starving,” Damon teased.

Justin laughed as he went back upstairs to get ready. Once he was done, they jumped in the car and headed to the diner. Justin was a little nervous about running into Brian there, but decided that he had nothing to worry about. He doubted the man was going to be out that early on his day off. When they finally walked inside, Justin’s eyes scanned the room and he was thankful when he saw there was no trace of the older man. They took a seat in the back and ordered their breakfast from the waitress, happy that it was Deb’s day off. Justin tried to keep up with the conversation while they ate, but his mind kept wandering to Brian and caused him to lose his appetite.

“Justin, are you sure you’re okay? You’ve hardly touched your breakfast and I know how out of character that is for you,” Damon teased, hoping to get Justin out of his funk. Justin was the only one with any food left on his plate.

“I’m sorry I’m such lousy company. I just have other things on my mind,” Justin replied softy. Before he could comment any further, he heard the bell on the door ring and looked up to see Brian and Michael walk in. “Shit!”

Damon turned around and saw what it was that had Justin looking scared. He turned back around quickly and looked at Hunter. “Take Justin and go out to the car. I’ll take care of the bill and meet you outside.”

“Okay, let’s go,” Hunter said as he jumped out of the booth and made his way towards the door, nodding at Michael on his way. Justin followed along, glancing at Brian quickly before walking out without a word.

Damon watched Justin and Hunter go and saw the pain filled look on Brian’s face when he recognized Justin walking past him. He grabbed the check and walked over to the register, paying for their breakfast. He was about to walk out too, when he stopped himself and made his way over to the table that Michael and Brian had taken.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Damon asked with venom when Brian met his glare.

“Excuse me?” Brian asked casually, refusing to show how Justin’s quick departure had affected him.

“I can’t believe that you would push away someone as special as Justin with your I don’t believe in love crap. Man, you’re even dumber than I thought.”

“I don’t recall it being any of your fucking business. Besides, now he’s all yours. That’s what you’ve wanted all along, isn’t it?” Brian replied bitterly.

“Yeah, it was. Until I realized how much he cares about your sorry ass. That kid would do anything for you. It’s rare to find that kind of loyalty and devotion in a guy. You better think about it long and hard before you push him too far and lose him completely, asshole,” Damon saw the shocked look on Brian’s face and smiled smugly at him.

“Just stay the fuck out of it,” Brian barked.

“I’m out,” Damon said and turned to leave. He took a few steps away before turning back one last time. “Oh, I do have one more thing to say to you before I go. Justin’s been attending AA meetings next to the GLC almost every night. They start at seven…in case you’re interested.”

Brian watched Damon walk away, feeling a mixture of emotions he couldn’t explain. He finally looked over at Michael and saw his friend watching him closely. “What the fuck are you looking at?” he spat.

“He’s right you know?” Michael said and laughed at the confusion on Brian’s face. “As much as I hate to admit it, Justin’s good for you. You seem calmer since he’s been around; almost happy.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Brian replied.

“Look Brian, I know better than most about your ‘I don’t do love and relationships’ bullshit, but maybe it’s time to reevaluate your thinking. Justin is the best thing that ever happened to you and understands you in a way that I can’t even imagine. Where do you think you’d be now if you two never met? He’s different then all the rest and you know it,” Michael said cautiously, hoping he wasn’t pushing too hard.

Brian stared at Michael for a moment, dumbfounded by what he was saying. Was it possible that Michael and Damon were right? Could pushing Justin away be the biggest mistake of his life? But then again, was it possible to change his ways for the blond without risking everything he worked so hard for? “Where the fuck is our waitress? Have you noticed how shitty our service is when you’re mother’s not here?” Brian asked, refusing to discuss Justin with Michael.

Michael sighed as he waved Kiki over, hoping that some of what he’d said got through to Brian before it was too late. Only time would tell.

Brian was hesitant as he entered the nameless brick building that housed numerous nonprofit organizations and charities he had always mocked. He had purposefully avoided going to this AA meeting because there was the greatest chance of him running into someone he knew. Yet, now here he was and not only was he leaving it to chance but hoping to find one person in particular. It had been less than 48 hours since he saw Justin at the diner and realized it was time to make a change. It’s what that change was that kept him up all last night tossing and turning. But he was sick of thinking and rethinking what to do. It was now or never.

Brian’s eyes immediately found Justin’s bright blonde head in the middle of the crowd. People were just starting to take their seats and Justin was nestled in one of the center rows. His head was down, with his hands clasped tightly in his lap. He fought the urge to approach him and instead waited for the meeting to begin. The group leader called everyone to order and the first person raised their hand to speak. Brian hardly heard a word, his mind running overtime trying to come up with what he should do next. Before he knew it, the woman had finished and was returning to her seat. The group leader called for another volunteer and Justin raised his hand. As he started to get up from his seat, Brian knew it was time.

“Wait, I’d like to speak first if that’s okay,” Brian announced.

Justin’s head whipped around to look in Brian’s direction, his eyes wide with surprise. He was too shell shocked to speak and followed Brian’s progress to the front of the room with his eyes. It wasn’t until Brian was standing behind the podium that Justin finally took a seat. He couldn’t believe that Brian was there or that he had chosen now of all times to take his turn and speak. As their eyes met across the audience, Justin waited breathless for Brian to begin.

“My name is Brian and I’m an alcoholic and a drug addict. I just got out of rehab a couple of weeks ago and prior to those six weeks I was your worst nightmare. Hell, I wasn’t much better my first few weeks in there either. I had a friend who was smuggling booze in to me. I figured if I wasn’t touching the hard stuff than I wasn’t doing anything wrong. The alcohol was my crutch, keeping me from fully feeling the pains of withdrawal. It eased the craving but did nothing to cure me of my problem. I was like a gerbil running in circles until I met someone that changed everything.”

Brian looked directly in Justin’s crystal blues eyes and took a deep breath before he continued.

“There was a kid who was admitted just one week after me. I was immediately attracted to him but there was something else there too. He pushed me to really invest in the program and not give up on my dreams. I have a son that I wasn’t allowed to see before I entered rehab. This man made me realize how much I needed that little boy in my life and what I had to do to make it happen. He stood up for me when no one believed I could be a better person. I was almost convinced that it was too late until he showed me how. I’m supposedly the older one but he’s been my teacher more than anyone in my whole fucking life. Do you know how I repaid him for turning my life around?”

Brian looked out into the audience, scanning his eyes across all of the nameless faces and zeroing back in on the only one he wanted. He allowed a small smile to grace his lips. Justin’s heart began to beat faster and he wasn’t sure if he had even breathed the whole time Brian was speaking.

“I practically kicked him out of my life, making our time together sound completely insignificant. But that’s not true. It meant something from the moment our paths crossed at the entrance to Pleasant Valley. I didn’t want to admit it then and I sure as hell wasn’t planning on it now but some things are more important than your pride or your fear. Eight weeks ago I was too scared to go through one day without a shot of something or a hit to numb the pain. Now the only thing that can take away the pain is also the one thing that scares me the most. I’m tired of numbing myself to things that might cause me pain. And I’m so glad that I’m sober now and can see everything so clearly. It’s time to take a step forward and really let go of the past. Unfortunately, only one man can help me do that. So what do you say Justin? I’m not ready to label anything quite yet but I do know ‘over’ is not a possibility. I’m ready to learn something new.”

Brian’s eyes pleaded with Justin to give him a second chance at whatever the hell relationship they were attempting to build. Two days ago, that one word had made him head for the hills but not today. Justin could feel the many eyes closing in on him, although only two really mattered and they hadn’t strayed from his face since he stopped speaking. Justin gulped a few times to calm his nerves and finally nodded his head in Brian’s direction.

“Yeah?” Brian asked in a whisper.

Justin nodded his head more emphatically, allowing a beautiful smile to spread across his lips. Brian responded with his own and eagerly walked off of the stage and down into the audience. Justin eased his way through the crowd, muttering, “Excuse me” and “I’m sorry” on this way to Brian. When the two were finally within reach, Brian grabbed Justin by the waist and lifted him into the aisle. They stood less than six inches apart, hungrily gazing into each other’s eyes. They both knew that whatever happened next, privacy was a necessity. 

“Come on Justin, let’s get out of here. You can do all of your sharing with me tonight,” Brian drawled.

One chaste kiss and they both sprinted for the door, oblivious to everyone around them. Neither even noticed the two young men leaning against the back wall watching the show. One reached into his pocket and pulled out a crisp ten-dollar bill.

“You win. So how did you know he was gonna finally get a pair and tell Justin how he felt?”

“Come on Hunter, it was obvious. If given an ultimatum, I had to believe that Brian would step up to the plate and not risk losing someone as incredible as Justin.”

“You’ve got a thing for Justin, don’t you?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want, only that Justin gets everything he deserves. I’ve never had a friend like Justin before and if Brian is what he wants, then he should have him,” Damon said softly.

“Wow, you really have changed, haven’t you?” Hunter asked.

“Rehab does some crazy shit to you, just ask Brian.”

Both boys started to laugh uncontrollably and pushed each other out the door. Damon could catch another meeting tomorrow, but tonight he just needed to spend some quality time with his brother. Healing their relationship was one more step in his recovery.

Justin sat silently alongside of Brian as they drove the short distance to the loft. He still couldn’t believe all that Brian had said as he stood in front of the group. In fact, he had barely blinked since it happened for fear that when he opened his eyes, he would find that it was all a dream. He kept glancing over at Brian, who was silent, but sporting a wicked smile on his face.

When they finally pulled up outside the loft, Brian looked over at Justin and smiled. “Ready to go up?”

“Are you kidding?” Justin laughed as he reached for the door handle and jumped out on to the curb.

They walked into the building, forgoing the elevator for the stairs, and quickly found themselves alone in the loft. Almost everything had been cleaned up since the night Brian had trashed it, but Justin did notice a half empty bottle of beam sitting on the counter. Brian followed Justin’s gaze and decided to answer the unasked question.

“It’s from the other night. I forgot it was there.”

Justin nodded his head in understanding and walked over to the couch, dropping himself down on the end. “I guess we have a few things to talk about.”

“I was kind of hoping you would just let it go for now,” Brian chuckled. “But I guess you’re right.”

Justin smiled as he watched Brian walk slowly over to the couch and sit down, waiting for the man to get settled before asking him the question that had been playing in his head since he heard Brian’s admission at the meeting. “What made you change your mind?”

“I guess I suddenly realized that as much as I hated to admit it, you’ve become an important person in my life. I knew that if I didn’t grow up and admit that you were different I would end up losing you for good. I didn’t like the way that made me feel,” Brian admitted softly.

“Brian, I’m not trying to push you into something you’re not ready for. I just wanted you to admit that there was something between us, something more than just fucking. We can take it slow, one day at a time as they say; I just need to know that I matter to you,” Justin replied.

“You matter,” Brian assured him. “You do realize though that this probably won’t be easy, right? I’m not the easiest person to deal with on occasion. I tend to get a little moody sometimes.”

Justin burst out into a fit of giggles. “That’s the understatement of the year.” When he saw the un-amused look on Brian’s face, he quickly suppressed his laughter. “But it’s okay. Everyone’s entitled to mood swings on occasion. We’re recovering alcoholics, I think we can cut us both a little slack”

“So, are we okay now?” Brian asked softly.

Justin looked into Brian’s eyes and smiled reassuringly. “Yeah, we’re okay.”

“Good, I was thinking now might be the perfect time for a little make up celebration.”

Brian leaned in and placed his mouth over Justin’s in a sweet kiss, unable to resist touching the blond for another minute. The kiss quickly turned passionate and Brian soon felt Justin’s hand reaching for the buttons on his jeans. He pulled back, struggling to catch his breath.

“Not here. Let’s go to the bedroom,” he whispered huskily.

Justin smiled and stood up, taking Brian’s hand and pulled him towards the bedroom.

“Wait a minute. There’s something I have to do,” Brian said, pulling his hand back and walking towards the kitchen.

Justin saw where he was going and followed him to the counter where the bottle of beam was still sitting. He reached out and took the bottle, opening it up and handing it to Brian. Brian took it and poured the contents down the drain before tossing the empty bottle in the trash and turning towards Justin, taking him by the hand. “Okay, now where were we?”

“I’m proud of you,” Justin said quietly, his smile lighting up the room.

“I’m proud of us,” Brian replied before leading Justin to their destination.

Once they were in the bedroom, Brian began removing Justin’s clothes, kissing each exposed piece of flesh tenderly as he went. He could here Justin’s breathing becoming ragged and smiled to himself over the reaction he was causing. Once Justin was completely undressed, he pushed him gently on the bed and then stood proudly while he stripped off his own clothes.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Justin sighed as he stared at his lover, lust evident in his eyes.

Brian couldn’t reply past the lump in his throat. So many things had changed in his life and he couldn’t help but wonder where it would all lead. He tried to push away his thoughts, but they were screaming in his mind. Justin was happy with him for the moment, but what would happen six months from now if he realized that he was too young to be saddled with someone Brian’s age? Or if he was unable to handle Brian’s inevitable emotional issues that were bound to surface soon?

Justin noticed the uncertainty in Brian’s eyes and knew the older man was letting his doubts get in the way. He had to say something quick to keep Brian from going down that road again. “Brian, it’s okay.”

“But what if…”

“Hey, do you trust me?” Justin asked, interrupting Brian’s words.

“Yes,” Brian replied without a doubt.

“Well, then everything’s going to be okay. Remember, one day at a time. It’ll be just like rehab.”

“It better not be,” Brian said quickly.

“Well some parts weren’t so bad,” Justin replied.

“I agree. Some parts were pretty amazing.” 

Justin reached out his hand and Brian took it, allowing his concerns to melt away. It wasn’t going to be easy, but he would find a way to keep his doubts from ruining what he and Justin were building. He had to. Justin was too important to lose and Brian owed it to them both to give their relationship a chance. And a short time later, when he finally entered the younger man beneath him, Brian felt like things were finally falling into place. For once in his life, he was looking forward to his future and it was filled with a beautiful blonde.

 

One year later…

As Justin stood up at the podium and looked down into the sea of faces he had grown to know so well he couldn’t help but think back on the year that had completely changed his life. He had gone from being alone in the world with only his drugs and alcohol to comfort him to a man surrounded by love. And tonight all the members of his crazy makeshift family were there to celebrate his accomplishment, as they had all done only a week ago for Brian, his partner.

“My name is Justin and I’m an alcoholic. I’m also in recovery from an addiction to prescription drugs. Today I have been sober and drug free for one year and I have so many people to thank for that. This past year has been the hardest and most wonderful year of my life. Fighting the craving was fucking difficult but with the support of my incredible partner, Brian, and our amazing family it was a little easier. Just last week Brian was up here celebrating his one-year and I was in the audience watching him with such pride. I am so thankful to have him here with me now. Although I certainly don’t recommend starting a relationship when you’re in recovery, it was his presence in my life that turned me around.”

Justin gazed deeply into Brian’s eyes, wanting to make sure he understood just how much he was appreciated. Brian smiled back, still amazed by how open Justin was about his feelings. Justin’s eyes skimmed over the rest of the familiar faces.

“Thankfully Brian and I didn’t have to do it alone. We have a support system that was there every step of the way. You see we had a big incentive to change and that was the desire to really be a part of our Liberty Avenue family. And after an initially rocky start, we were both welcomed with open arms. Now I have two mothers,” Justin said with pride as he smiled at his mother and Debbie, “and a slew of brothers, including my roommate Damon who will be up here next week.”

Damon gave Justin a thumb’s up while Hunter patted him firmly on the shoulder. Damon had stuck to his word and supported Justin’s relationship with Brian. He had even talked the blonde into forgiving the asshole on occasion for indulging in typical Brian Kinney behavior. Because of that, Brian had eventually accepted their friendship and had only given them a minimum of bullshit when they had gotten a two bedroom apartment together. The arrangement had worked out well, especially since Justin spent most nights at Brian’s place anyways. And for the ones he didn’t, Brian had gently encouraged Hunter to spend more time with his brother. Justin had pretended not to notice but the three boys had grown so close that his visits were always welcome. 

“I can clearly remember the moment I realized I had a problem and that was seeing the look of pain on my little sister’s face when I broke her arm. I didn’t admit it then but I knew. She forgave me and eventually I forgave myself but it took a lot of work. Things will never be easy for me, for any of us but it’s made me the man I am today and I will never regret that. Thanks for listening and I want chocolate cake next year,” Justin said with a laugh and stepped off the stage. 

He made an immediate beeline for Brian and fell into his strong comforting embrace. Brian held Justin close, inhaling the fresh scent of shampoo. He had given the boy a congratulatory blowjob in the shower right before they left for the meeting. He tried to push away the memory and calm the erection already starting to form in his pants. Justin giggled as he felt the hard press against his stomach.

“Somebody’s ready to go home,” Justin leered.

“Damn right I am but you’ve got a cake to cut first and plenty of well wishers to annoy the hell out of you. So get a move on,” Brian suggested with a slap to Justin’s ass. Justin exchanged one more backward glance with Brian, before getting swallowed into his circle of family and friends. His mother was the first to pull him into an embrace, followed quickly by Molly, Debbie, Lindsay, Mel, Emmett, Ted, Damon, Daphne, Hunter, and Ben. Brian stood back and watched the proceedings, content with the scene in front of him.

“Well, I never thought I’d see the day,” Michael whispered in his ear.

“I always knew he could do it,” Brian answered with pride in his voice.

“That’s not what I mean. There was no way Justin was going to let the addiction beat him. Just like you. What I meant is you, standing here and being the supportive partner,” Michael explained.

“But that’s what I am. I guess there’s really no other way to describe it.”

“I know that but I never thought you would. Hell, I wouldn’t have been surprised if you used some made up term to describe your relationship with Justin. I’m proud of you. You’ve both come a long way, as individuals and as a couple.”

“Well, the decision was like quitting all the drugs, you just have to decide what’s the most important thing to you. I chose living when I was in Pleasant Valley and I chose living again when I went after Justin. He’s worth making a few changes.”

“A few?” Michael said chuckling. Brian joined him.

“Maybe more than a few.”

“So what happens next?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see. We’re full of surprises. Now if you’ll excuse me I want to be there when he blows out the candle.”

Brian arrived at the table just in time to see Justin take a deep breathe and blow. The whole room erupted in applause, Brian clapping the loudest. Afterwards, the boys wanted to head out to Babylon and celebrate. It had taken a lot of time but eventually Brian and Justin had returned to the club scene. Sometimes it got to be too much and they would go home early, but usually all they wanted to do was dance. Tonight they wanted to be alone.  
After all the good-byes, Justin and Brian walked out to the corvette together. Brian was unusually quiet and Justin couldn’t figure where the mood had come from. Just before reaching the car, Justin tugged on Brian sleeve until he stopped.

“What’s up? Is there something wrong?” Justin asked.

Brian paused for a moment.

“Did you mean it?” he asked hesitantly.

“Did I mean what?” Justin asked confused.

“When you were talking about the loft and called it home.”

“Yeah, I guess. It is your home. Or are you thinking about moving?”

Brian shook his head.

“No, nothing like that. The loft is my home but I want it to be yours too, “ Brian stated.

“You want me to move in with you?” Justin asked in surprise.

“Don’t you think it’s been long enough?”

Justin was absolutely beaming as he threw himself into Brian’s arms. Their relationship had been steadily progressing at a snail’s pace and that had been fine with both of them. Neither wanted to fuck it up but they were both different people now and capable of making a live in relationship work. Brian was certain of it.

“Is that a yes?” Brian asked, as he gently pulled Justin back so he could see his eyes.

“Of course that’s yes. When do I move in?”

“Tomorrow, Damon’s picking up the U-haul in the morning,” Brian informed him.

“Aren’t we sure of ourselves?” Justin questioned with a laugh.

“A year ago you asked me to choose you and I did. I figured it’s only right if you return the favor,” Brian said softly.

“I’ll always choose you,” Justin said honestly and embraced Brian once more.

A year ago Justin had hit rock bottom and thanks to Pleasant Valley his life had changed. Now a new year was starting and Justin had a feeling there would be many more changes to look forward to, especially with Brian by his side.


End file.
